Page 38 of Love You Madly

“Hey, maybe you should. She keeps showing up for a reason.” He laughs, but there’s a seriousness there too.

I shake my head, trying to change the subject. “Speaking of cosmic bullshit—good luck on your date with Heather.”

“Thanks, man,” he says, clearly relieved by the shift. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”

After we hang up, I lace up my running shoes, deciding arun might clear my head. As the familiar beats of “Big Poppa,” by The Notorious B.I.G pump through my earbuds, I start my run, trying to outrun the lingering weight of the dream. But even as the music fills my ears and my legs burn from the effort, I can’t shake the feeling that she’s still there–just out of reach.

I step out of the shower a short time later after trying to scrub away the lingering unease from the dream, my phone buzzes again. I glance at the screen–Sabrina. Her voice comes through, apologetic and soft but ever-so-slightly panicked. Barrett forgot to pack his lion toys–or rather, I forgot to pack them–and he’s been inconsolable without them. I can hear the guilt in her tone, like she hates having to ask for a favor. Before she even gets the chance to ask, I offer to make the drive to bring them to him. Anything for Barrett.

When I arrive in Cedar Bluff and Sabrina opens her front door, the exhaustion on her face is evident. She looks like she hasn’t slept much, either. I feel bad knowing she probably had a long night with Barrett. I should have paid closer attention when we were gathering everything up as I brought him home.

“Thank you so much, Owen,” she says, taking the toys from me. “He’s been asking for them since last night but I didn’t want to bother you while you were on your date.”

I offer a small smile, trying to shake the weight of everything in my head coupled with knowing I was distracted when I brough him home and it’s partially my fault that Sabrina didn’t get any sleep last night. “Sab, it doesn’t matter what I’m doing. If he needs me, I’ll be here.”

Sabrina nods in understanding and looks at me moreclosely, concern etched on her face. “You look like you had a rough night. Did your date not go well?” she asks, then realization dawns on her and she corrects her train of thought. “Or maybe it went a little too well?” Her laugh is awkward, almost forced.

I laugh it off, shrugging. “It didn’t go according to plan. But it’s fine. Turns out, she’s more Luke’s type.”

She frowns slightly; her worry etched on her face. “That sounds like a lot to unpack so I’m not even going to ask. But are you okay?” she asks.

I sigh, feeling terrible for burdening her. “I just haven’t been sleeping well. My dreams are messing with me.”

“You still see her, huh?”

Her question catches me off-guard and sends a jolt of guilt through me. I forgot I had told her about the recurring dreams when I was in a whiskey-drunken stupor the night our divorce was finalized. Thankfully, I wasn’t drunk enough to tell her exactly when the dreams started.

Sabrina’s expression softens. “It’s okay, Owen. It’s just a dream. Maybe the universe is telling you it’s time to allow yourself to move on. It’s possible that it’s a message indicating your soul mate is somewhere out there, struggling to find you. Maybe she’s stuck too.”

Sabrina has always been the more spiritual person between the two of us. I’m too fact-based for religion. I have to see it and have tangible proof in order for things to make sense to me. Still, her words hit home, and I nod, feeling a bit more reassured. “Thanks, Sabrina. I needed that.”

She gives me a supportive smile. “Anytime. You’re doing great, Owen. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

I stay for a while, spending some time with Barrett, though my mind never fully lets go of the dream or the weight of Sabrina’s words. By the time I’m driving back home, thetension has eased a little, but not enough to keep Callie from creeping into my thoughts.

I’ve let enough of the day slip by already. When I get home, I’ll definitely text her. Something light. Casual. No pressure.

But I can already feel the nerves kicking in.

seventeen

I WANNA DANCE WITH SOMEBODY - WHITNEY HOUSTON

CALLIE - MAY 25, 2013

Once Dad’s guests leave, the house finally quiets, but my mind is still buzzing. I take a sleeping Sara out of her high chair and cradle her against me. She nestles in, her tiny thumb finding its way to her mouth, and I watch as she drifts deeper into sleep. My heart squeezes, a familiar ache that mixes love and fear. How am I going to juggle this—being a mom to her and another baby on the way, all while my world feels like it’s barely holding together?

After laying her down in the portable crib, I head out to the porch, baby monitor in hand, and try to distract myself with a new Robyn Carr novel. I settle into the worn porch chair, letting the evening sun bathe me in a warmth I barely feel inside. As I flip the pages, the story barely registers. My mind is on Owen. I haven’t heard from him all day, and it’s ridiculous how much I’ve been hoping for a message.

Just as I’m about to force myself to focus on the book, myphone pings. My heart leaps, irrationally, and I fumble to pick it up.

Unknown:

What’s up, chick? How’s your day going?

I stare at the screen, my pulse racing. It’s him. I’m almost certain of it. But I’m not about to show how giddy I am. I quickly type back.

Me:

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