Page 24 of Love You Madly

Haha! Thanks. I’ll pick you up around 7.

Heather:

Sounds good. I live in the apartment above the bar so I’ll just meet you downstairs.

Me:

It’s a date.

The rest of the afternoon passes in a blur, and I walk downstairs to Mom’s to pick up Barrett. The weather’s too nice for a movie, so we hit the park instead. As I tuck Barrett into bed later that night, his sleepy eyes looking up at me with trust and love, I make a silent promise to him—and to myself.

No matter what happens, I’ll always be the best dad I can be. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll figure out how to be happy again.

eleven

A LITTLE BIT STRONGER - SARA EVANS

CALLIE - MAY 23, 2013

After a brief, exhausting argument with Adam about taking Sara out of state, I’m finally all set for my mini-vacation to New Orleans. The thought of getting away feels like a breath of fresh air, even if it meant one last round of tension with Adam. He never makes things easy. I’ve always hated driving on the interstate, convinced that if I die young, it’ll be from a head-on collision with a semi.

Thankfully, my sister Taylor loves road trips and volunteered to come with me since her daughter Ava is spending the week with her dad. Taylor has been my rock through all of this. She’s three years older, and honestly, more like a second mom. With Mom and Wayne constantly working or Mom going back to school when I was little, Taylor was the one who held things together. That closeness, though, came with its share of fights. For a long time, we butted heads—constantly. But after everything we’ve both been through, she’s the only person who really understands what I’m going through.

Taylor’s been down this road, too. When she told me she and Nick were divorcing, my heart broke for her. Ava was barely two, and her marriage was falling apart. They were complete opposites, and from the moment I met Nick, I remember thinking he was someone I’d date, not her. Covered in tattoos, spiked red hair—he was more my type than hers. But somehow, their chemistry just worked.

Until it didn’t.

On Thursday morning, just as the sun rises, we hit the road south. The landscape shifts slowly, from the familiar farmlands of Iowa to the green hills of Missouri, to the worn, bumpy roads of Arkansas. Even with the rough ride, it’s oddly calming, almost meditative. The kind of silence I need to reset.

Sara’s fast asleep in the backseat, curled up with her favorite stuffed bunny. I glance back at her, feeling that mix of guilt and love that hits me every time I think about this trip. It’s for her as much as it is for me—to show her the family bonds I’m desperately trying to hold onto.

Taylor drives, her hands steady on the wheel, her chestnut hair catching the sunlight as we go. She’s calm, collected, the way she always is. Even with everything she’s been through, Taylor radiates strength. It’s something I’ve always admired, even when we were kids.

When Sara wakes up, we crank up the music, singing along to Michael Bolton, Celine Dion, and, of course, Reba McEntire. No road trip would be complete without Reba. The car fills with laughter and our horribly off-key harmonies, making the miles fly by. For a moment, things feel normal, like they used to before life got so heavy.

“How are you feeling, Callie?” Taylor asks, her voice breaking the comfortable silence that’s settled after our latest rendition of “Callin’ Baton Rouge.” Sara, somehow, managedto fall back asleep despite our screaming, but now the quiet is thick with something unspoken.

I shrug, staring out at the rolling fields. “Anxious, I guess. I’m hoping this trip helps clear my head.”

Taylor nods, her eyes on the road. “You’re allowed to feel anxious, Callie. But just remember—you’re not broken. You’re pregnant, going through a divorce, yeah, but you’re stronger than you think. You’ll get through this.”

Her words make something in my chest loosen, and I manage a small smile. “Thanks, Tay. I needed to hear that.”

As we drive, my mind drifts back to my recent OB/GYN appointment. Everything went well, and I’m scheduled to find out the baby’s gender after this trip. It’s a small relief amidst the chaos. The thought of a new life growing inside me fills me with a jumbled mix of excitement, fear and hope.

As the drive continues, my mind drifts back to my OB/GYN appointment. Everything was normal, and after this trip, I’ll find out the baby’s gender. That thought alone brings a swirl of excitement, fear, and hope. I’ve always wanted a little boy, but at this point, a girl would feel like less pressure. At least I could reuse all the baby stuff from Sara—except for that godawful camo and mauve crib set Adam insisted on. What the hell was I thinking letting him choose that?

I shake my head, silently vowing to make better choices this time around.

“How’ve you been, really?” I ask, wanting to dig a little deeper. “You never really talked about what happened with Nick.”

Taylor’s fingers tap lightly on the steering wheel, her jaw tightening. “It was complicated, Callie. We were always different, but after Ava was born, it became impossible to ignore. I was struggling with postpartum, and he just… wasn’t there for me. It felt like we became roommates. I didn’t feel wanted, and hedidn’t understand why that mattered. I don’t really want to get into it, though.”

I nod, the weight of her words sinking in. “I’m sorry for prying. I just… I just want to make sure you’re okay. I wasn’t sure if it was something Nick did or if things just… fell apart.”

“It wasn’t like he did anything horrible,” she admits, her voice soft. “He didn’t cheat or anything. He just wasn’t giving me the attention I needed. It’s hard enough for me to be intimate with anyone after… everything that happened when we were kids. I just wanted him to show me that I was still desirable, still loved.”

I feel a lump in my throat, struggling to find the right words. Taylor’s been through so much, and hearing her talk about this is heartbreaking. I glance over at her, but she doesn’t look back. Instead, she stares straight ahead, her expression unreadable.

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