Page 1 of Love You Madly

prologue

A THOUSAND YEARS - CHRISTINA PERRI

CALLIE - JULY 26, 2014

Inever imagined I would find myself here again, especially not like this. After the mess that was made of me the first time around, I swore I’d never get married again. And honestly, I didn’t think anyone would want me after what I’d been through. I was damaged goods… A woman with two children and a reputation that’s seen better days (especially in this goddamn town). Who would sign up for that?

But I suppose he did. I suppose that’s exactly what he signed up for. This. Fucking. Man. It’s remarkable how quickly “never” turned into “forever” when I met him.

When I stretch out on the window seat in my childhood bedroom at the Van Damme Hawkridge estate, it all feels so surreal. This home has been in my mother’s family for generations, but it feels like I’m watching someone else’s life unfold. The buckeye tree I used to climb as a child remains tall and steadfast, a silent witness to years gone by.

Down the hall, I can hear the rapid pitter-patter of little feet and giggles approaching. “Sara, please! We need you to cooperate,” my mother, Rita, pleads with my little girl. She sounds exasperated. It’s clear my mom and sister are struggling to wrangle my two-year-old.

It’s not surprising when the doorknob jiggles a moment later. Sara’s tiny voice pierces through the door, “Mama! Mama!” she yells, banging on the door with all the impatience only a two-year-old can muster.

I can’t help but laugh as I crack open the door just as my niece, Ava, catches up to Sara. “Coast is clear! He’s already outside and won’t be able to see you. Can we come in?”

I nod, opening the door further. I managed to sneak out of bed this morning without waking him, and I would be heartbroken if he caught sight of me this close to the ceremony. I want our photographer to capture his expression when he sees me in my dress for the first time. I also don’t want to risk tempting fate to throw bad luck my way today. I’ve stumbled into that more often than I care to admit.

It seems my luck has changed, though. But maybe I shouldn’t even think that, in case I jinx myself. God, anxiety sucks. Feeling anxious and superstitious at the same time? Super fun!

Sara’s eyes are brimming with excitement. My mischievous toddler looks so sweet in her navy flower girl dress, her hair adorned with tiny silk sunflowers. As I stare down at my darling daughter, I can now see her pretty hairstyle is already disheveled.

It makes me chuckle and reminds me of the day I met my stepdad, Wayne, with untidy hair. Mom had brought Wayne to meet my sister and me when I was around the age of five. I couldn’t find the Lego piece I was looking for and had gone diving under my bed to find it. When I came out, my hair gotstuck in the bottom of the box spring and was sticking straight in the air by the time I’d gotten myself loose… Shout-out to my big sister for cutting my hair for me to free me from the box spring death trap.

“You girls look beautiful.” I wrap them up in a miniature group hug and smile before turning to my oldest daughter and picking her up. “Where’s baby sissy?” She absentmindedly fiddles with the necklace he got her to wear today before answering.

“Sissy’s sweeping,” Sara says.

“Sl-ee-p-ing,” I say, enunciating the word to help Sara repeat it back to me correctly.

“That’s what I said, Sissy’s sweeping,” Sara says, matter-of-factly.

Ava giggles. “Grammy wanted to let her take a nap before the ceremony. My mom said that’s probably for the best so she’s not crabby later, but I can get the baby if you want me to.”

“No, that’s okay, honey. Your mom and Grammy are right… Just don’t tell them I said that,” I say with a mischievous wink.

Ava sticks out her smallest finger to initiate our super-secret pinky swear, and I loop mine into hers. We kiss our fists to seal our secret tight. “Thank you for your help today, Ava Bug. You look absolutely beautiful and mean so much to me.”

“Can you please take Sara back downstairs and let Miss Vicki know that I’m ready for her to finish my makeup?”

“Sure can!” Ava says with an excited pep in her voice. She takes Sara’s hand ready to lead her out of the room as I kiss them both quickly on the forehead. They walk back out the door, leaving it wide open behind them.It’s a good thing he’s already outside, or these two girls would have me busted long before the ceremony starts.

I choose to leave the door open for Vicki and hear Saraspeak up a couple of minutes later. “Auntie Tay Tay!” she shouts, “Mama said you was right. Let Sissy sweep!”

I can’t help but laugh as I hear Ava scold Sara for telling our secret and cringe, knowing that both my sister and I want to amend Sara’s grammar, but today is not the day for that battle.

I turn back to the mirror, taking in my reflection. It’s hard to recognize the woman staring back at me. There’s a strength in her I never thought I would have. The simple elegance of the dress, the way my green eyes shine with a bundle of nerves and excitement.

I reach for the rose quartz plugs on the dresser, slipping them into my stretched earlobes. The cool, smooth stone against my skin is calming, a reminder of the love and positive energy I want to carry with me today and always. The choice of rose quartz, the stone of unconditional love, feels perfect at this moment because that is exactly what this man has given me and my daughters.

I’m so glad I’ve found this man. He has stepped up in ways I never imagined anyone would for me. I had a great stepfather example, but I never thought I’d be so lucky as to find a partner who would be willing to be that for my girls.

Tears fill my eyes as I slip on the bracelet my new bonus son got me for Christmas. I never thought that I could love a child that didn’t start off as my own as much as I love that sweet, handsome little boy. He is the spitting image of his father, and I feel so grateful to call him my son.

The bracelet sits over the tattoo on my wrist. It is a script of the word “love” along with a date that has become very special to me. The tattoo pays tribute to the organizationTo Write Love on Her Arms, which rescued me from a very dark place as a teenager. The date reflects the last time I allowed myself to be nearly too far gone.

I’m so grateful my attempts were unsuccessful. Especially now.

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