Page 26 of Tomorrow's Never Promised

Mom fills herself a glass and raises it to the ceiling in a toast: “to all my girls being under one roof.” Moisture begins to pool in her eyes.Ahh, Mom. She’s always been so emotional.

We clink our glasses together. “Salute,” we say in unison. Melanie cups her hand and air clinks with us. There is no doubt she is drinking by now. Just not around Mom.

* * *

Mikey decidesto come out with me for drinks. It’s a hole-in-the-wall bar in our town that offers darts, beer pong, and the mostdeliciousbuffalo wings you’ve ever tasted. I bet Killian would love them.He loves anything spicy.

Lexi is meeting us here in a few minutes. Mik and I decide to order a celebratory shot now that finals are over. Our favorite bartender is working tonight, so we know the drinks will be cheap. His adorable chocolate lab sits behind the bar, making all the female patrons swoon over him.The dog, I mean.

Jake places two coasters in front of us. “What’ll it be, ladies?”

I am about to say Jameson when Mik responds with, “two shots oftequila,please.”

“I’d rather have Jameson,” I tell her firmly. She looks at me and then back at the bartender with a shrug. I send out a silent prayer that Mikey will drop the fact that I declined tequila. The bell on the door rings, and in walks Lexi.

I jump out of my stool, almost knocking it to the ground. We practically tackle each other. Lexi and I hop up and down while squealing like a bunch of psychopaths. The entire bar is watching our ordeal.My best friend just got home from Arizona. Sue me for showing emotion.She shimmies out of her leather jacket, placing it over the back of her stool.

I get Jake’s attention. “One more Jameson shot, please.” I hold my index finger up. Jake pours another, and we clink our shots together and toss them back. Warmness spreads down my throat and across my chest. I’ve already got a slight buzz from the wine.

“Did you not get tequila because ofLiam?” Lexi blurts out.If I could facepalm myself right now, I would.I shoot Lexi a quick look to zip it. Mikey raises an eyebrow before looking at me. She knows about the infamous bouncer Liam. I told her aboutthatnight when we got lunch in early November.

“Don’t even tell me you are still stuck on thatdickhead, Madison!” She grabs my arm. “He fucking left you when you finally opened your heart again.”

I feel the need to defend him. “He didn’t really have a choice in leaving.”

“Bullshit. The way I see it is he fucked you and then left you. He made you feel likeyoudid something wrong. Not only that, but he didn’t even give you a chance to choose,” she huffs out, signaling the bartender for another round of shots.

My heart hurts right now.Her accusations aren't wrong. And she is just being a protective sister. What she doesn’t understand is that it was more than justfucking. There was something there,something real. Something deeper than some superficial love. It was on a soul level. No, he didn’t give me a chance to choose. But the anguish on his face when he left me makes me think he hurt himself just as much as he hurt me. There was hesitation there. I could see it in his eyes that he was battling his own demons.

“I’m over him. Iswear.” I hold my fingers up in Scout’s honor to get them off my fucking case. I want to stop talking about Liam. It’s making my heart race and my head spin.Or maybe, it’s the alcohol. “In fact, things took off with Killian. The guy I met online. We are dating now,” I smile, despite being bombarded by my sister's opinion of Liam.

The bartender walks over with bottles of tequila and Jameson. “We willallhave tequila,” Mik says, sending me a look of ‘prove it.’

Fuck it.It’s just tequila, Maddy.You’ll be drunk texting your boyfriend a half hour from now.I try to imagine Liam with a busty blonde wrapped around him. Hoping it would make me frustrated and want to forget him all over again. If anything—it makes mejealous.Hypothetically jealous and angry.

I slam the glass to theirs, sloshing tequila over the rims, and bang the shot back. I am seething over the ‘what ifs’ again, and it’s pissing me off.

“I need a cigarette,” I announce, darting straight outside. My body is buzzing, and my mind is reeling over my feelings for Liam.Why can’t I just let him go? Killian makes me so happy. He is who I see myself marrying one day and raising a family with. So what is the problem?

Lexi comes outside and grabs her pack from her purse, offering me one. “You need, or you have?”

“I need one.” I grab one and hand the pack back to her. “I quit after Liam left. I couldn’t bring myself to smoke without memories of him and I.It was our thing. Fuck, Lex. My head is all over the place right now,” I confess.

She lights hers and mine. I take a long drag, letting it sit in my lungs. I exhale over my shoulder, spotting my sister inside. Mik got roped into a beer pong game with a guy she graduated with.

“I’m sorry I brought up Liam. I know it still stings, Mad.” Lexi pulls me into a hug.

“The tequila is just a reminder of our time together. That’s what got me out of the house that night in the first place. Without the liquid courage from the tequila, I probably would not have gone out. I wouldn’t have recognized my feelings for Liam, and we wouldn’t have had sex—well…kinda. Sorta. For two seconds. Which technically means I wouldn’t have lost my virginity to him,” I groan.

“Many women regret their first sexual partner,” Lexi shrugs.

“That’s the thing, Lexi. I don’t regret him at all. If we never had sex that night, I would have continued talking to Killian, and I wouldn’t be thinking of Liam right now,” I sigh into her shoulder.

She releases me and takes a drag of her cigarette. “I’m not sure that’s true. You’ve always been drawn to Liam.” Smoke cascades over her lips as she speaks. “Have you tried reaching out to him?”

I shake my head and take another drag. “No. It’s not right to do that to Killian,” I exhale. “Even if I did, I’m sure he wouldn’t answer.”

“I think you need closure, Mad.” Lexi flicks her cigarette into the parking lot. “I really have to pee,” she says, heading back inside. “You should text him. Tell him how you feel. Tell him he missed out and you have a new boyfriend. Maybe, you both moved on.”

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