Page 67 of Wine Whiskey & Lipstick

“She left you?” Surprise was evident in Dillyn’s voice. There were some things a person couldn’t find on Google.

“For a little while. My life’s work was and is on this farm. I spent a few months setting things up, so I could be with my family. I figured I could commute between there and the ranch. Relocating didn’t seem to help us. Strangely enough, it put even more of a strain on our relationship.”

“I’m so sorry,” Dillyn said softly.

“Lana’s depression kept getting worse. It was out of control, and I didn’t know what to do. Mental healthcare in this country is a joke. Still, I tried everything I could think of. We went to counseling both together and individually. Nothing helped. I talked to every specialist available to us. My trips back here to the ranch became fewer because caring for Lana became an almost full-time job.”

Dillyn’s chest tightened. She felt the weight of his words.

“After our daughter was born, things seem to get better for a while. Lana was over the moon with happiness. She doted on Rylee.”

Dillyn released a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding until she remembered, and then despair spread throughout her entire being.

“Over the next couple of years, Lana would slip in and out of moderate depression, but she fought so hard. Finally, it got so bad I had to hire a full-time nanny and a part-time mental health expert because I was afraid Lana might hurt herself. Never in a million years did I think...” Ben’s throat locked up.

Dillyn moved her hand to the center of his back and began to move it in a circular motion, massaging and trying to offer as much comfort as she could. She rested her chin on his shoulder and whispered into his ear, “You don’t have to say anything else.”

Ben knew he had to push forward. He had to finish the story. He cleared his throat a couple of times before continuing. “I hadn’t been back to the ranch in over a year. There were some people I needed to meet with, so I flew back here for a weekend.” Ben swallowed hard. “It was the weekend we met, and all I could think about was you. I could not get you off my mind. That guilt ate at me for a while.”

Dillyn was shocked by that. They had only spent a few hours together, but it made a profound impression on her life too.

“I knew something was wrong the second I returned home and walked through the door. It was so quiet. Eerily quiet. I called out to Lana and then to our nanny, Aimee, since they would have been the only ones home. Nobody answered. I rounded the corner, and I saw it. There was a large streak of blood on the floor. It led right to Aimee’s body, pooled in blood. It was splattered everywhere. Blood was all over the furniture, the walls, and even the ceiling. She’d been stabbed several times, and her throat had been slashed. I freaked. I started searching for Lana and Rylee. I was screaming for them. I went from room to room searching. It was almost impossible. I kept sliding around. There was just so much blood. It was sticky and partly congealed, just pooling on the floor. I finally found Lana. She was lying in the center of our bed. Our sheets were white when I left. They were such a deep crimson, almost black under her. Lana had slit her wrists. I prayed like I’d never prayed before as I glanced over toward the door to our nursery. I lost hope when I saw a red handprint on it.”

Dillyn’s eyes were wet with not only her tears but Ben’s as he had turned, and their foreheads were now touching.

“I walked into Rylee’s room and found my two-year-old baby girl in her bed completely dismembered.” Ben had never been able to say out loud to his family what he’d told Dillyn. “In a manic episode, Lana had killed them.”

Dillyn pulled Ben into a tight embrace and held him close as he released the pain he’d been holding onto for the past couple of years. She whispered, “It wasn’t your fault.”

“If I had never left her . . .”

“It wasn’t your fault, Ben.” Dillyn lifted her head and cradled his within the palms of her hands. She held his gaze. “Lana was sick, and you did all that you could to help her. You are an amazing man, father, and husband. It’s unrealistic to think you could be there twenty-four hours a day. You also didn’t know how sick Lana truly was. There was nothing more you could have done. This wasn’t your fault. It was just a tragedy I wish never happened.”

“I’m not sure if I’ll ever come to believe that, but I want to. I also want a life with you, but I can’t be with someone who can’t be honest with me. What is really going on? Why did you really move to Summer?”

Truth time. “Everything I told you about my life is true, but I left out some particularly vital facts. Things that I’ve never even told Cat and Palmer out of fear for their safety.” Dillyn sighed. “I was able to help you find Selah tonight because . . .” Dillyn glanced down at her feet. “I work for an agency of the government that doesn’t exist, and I used the tools that are available to me because of them. I have always been good at computers, cracking codes, and finding patterns. By the time I was sixteen, I had become a part of the anti-establishment network called Anonymous. At nineteen, a man you probably have never heard of, who goes by Syntax, recruited me. Think Morpheus from the Matrix movies. He brought me in to work for this non-existent government agency. I moved here because of the reasons I told you before. I’ve been searching for peace since I was nine, and I think I’ve found it, in this place, in myself, and in you.”

“Did the attack on my sister happen because of you?” Ben asked pointedly.

“I don’t know.” Dillyn answered as honestly as she could. She didn’t know how Ben would respond to that or what was about to happen between them. She had no idea if this were the moment that Ben told her she was too risky to be around or if he would give them a chance. “And that’s not all. Steven was murdered yesterday, and I have no idea if it’s at all related.” She rushed her words. “But . . . I’m working hard to find out so that I can put all of this behind me. I...” Dillyn paused. “I like what we’re building. For the first time in my life, I feel hopeful. I don’t want to lose that or you.”

Dillyn couldn’t tell what Ben was thinking. He continued to stare into the fire. Finally, he turned and reached for her. “I want to build a life with you too, but no matter what, I always need you to be honest with me. Can you do that?”

Dillyn nodded vigorously.

“Good, because you mean a lot to me. I know it’s only been a couple of weeks, but I think you’ve had me in the palm of your hand since the night you wouldn’t even shake mine.”

Dillyn was awash with relief. “I feel the same way. I’ve always felt a pull toward you even when I wasn’t supposed to.”

“I can now honestly say without any guilt that I feel the same.”

Dillyn wanted to show Ben that she was committed to them in every way. She had never initiated sex before, and tonight would be a first. She was experiencing a lot offirstswhen it came to him. With Ben, it wasn’t so scary.

She reached out and gently cupped the side of his face. Ever so lightly, she placed her lips over his.

She spoke into their kiss. “I need this.”

Ben understood what Dillyn was doing. “You don’t have anything to prove.” A lot had happened over the past twenty-four hours, and their emotions were all over the place. They were on the right track to a healthy relationship. Ben didn’t want Dillyn confusing physical intimacy with emotional connection. He wanted her bodyandsoul. When she was ready, he hoped to have both.

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