Page 51 of Wine Whiskey & Lipstick

Ben thought about her words. “I want to take that position. I want to know you better than anyone, starting from this moment. Let’s start over. Let’s pretend that asshole didn’t show up at your door today, and I got an opportunity to tell you why I came over.”

“Ben, we can’t bury our heads in the sand.”

He ignored her. Ben was going to take the long road to her heart. He needed to get back to the basics. Ben asked an easier question but one he wanted an answer to. “Why didn’t you return my call?”

Dillyn brought her eyes to his. “I thought about returning your call.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“You’ve got eyes. I clearly have a lot to figure out.”

“That’s fair.” Ben could be patient. He would wait for Dillyn, but he had to know if he had a real shot at something with her. “But you did want to call me?”

She whispered, “Ben, I just kissed you five minutes ago.”

“Was that really about me?”

“I want it to be about you.”

“I can only imagine how difficult it is to open up your heart again. It isn’t easy for me either, but I think you’re worth it. I hope you think I’m worth it too.”

“Ben, I am so into you. And I wish . . . I wish I knew how to show you properly.”

Ben caressed the side of her face. “You just did by telling me how you feel.” He was trying his hardest to work out what was holding Dillyn back. He couldn’t figure it out. “What am I missing?” He tried to pretend like there wasn’t an elephant in the room, but he couldn’t. “What did Steven do to make you feel like this?”

Dillyn glanced up, then back down. She was just too ashamed. It was impossible to answer his question and look him in the eyes. Dillyn blew out an exaggerated breath. “Steven had many faults, but he was also the first man to show me kindness and compassion. He proved that while I may never actually enjoy the intimacies that happen within a relationship, I could survive it.” Dillyn didn’t dare look at Ben’s reaction.

He pondered her words. Ben hoped to be thoughtful and not condescending. “He missed the mark. He should have shown you that touching, kissing, or making love is about a much deeper connection than just the physical act.”

Dillyn’s tears started up again.

Ben hated to see her cry and wiped her tears away. “I can’t explain it, but I already feel connected to you in both big and small ways. I won’t put any pressure on you, and I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

Dillyn swallowed. “What if I’m never ready? What if I can’t . . .”

Ben cracked a small smile. “Damn, I guess that would mean I’d have to wait forever.”

“You wouldn’t.”

He touched his forehead to hers. “I would.”

“You don’t deserve that.” Dillyn swallowed the lump in her throat. “You also deserve one hundred percent of the truth.”

Ben could see a vein pulsing at the base of her throat. It was beating fast. He remained quiet to allow Dillyn the space to say what she needed to get off her chest.

“Steven wasn’t the first man to touch me. I was . . .” Her voice broke. “I was nine the first time I had sex.”

It took Ben’s brain a minute to process her words.

“My parents were addicts.” Dillyn had only ever told Steven the sordid details of her childhood. She’d only told him to explain why she wasn’t very passionate. Dillyn suspected that Palmer might have had her suspicions about some form of abuse, but she never said anything. Dillyn had spent years in therapy just to get to this level of healthy.

Subtly, Ben held Dillyn a little tighter.There it is. The missing piece. He wanted to lose his shit. He wanted to make someone pay. What kind of monster would do that? Instead of acting on his rage, Ben remained still. Dillyn needed him to keep calm. This moment was about her, not him.

Dillyn continued to tell him the story of her own personal hell. “It was only the first of many until my dad and my mom changed focus. They realized they could make a lot more money selling children than selling drugs. Drugs were actually more dangerous because my parents were addicts. They always seemed to use the product instead of selling it. When the money came up short, I was used to make up the difference.” Dillyn was sobbing. “It didn’t stop until they were busted for sex trafficking. I think I was about fourteen.”

Ben tightened his hold. “That should have never happened to you. I’m so so sorry.” Ben didn’t know what to do, so he just continued to hold her while she released years upon years of pain and suffering. His shirt was soaked. It all made sense. Now he understood why she wasn’t able to kiss him at the booth.

Dillyn spoke through muffled cries. “There was so much damage done to me physically. Believe it or not, I was considered one of the lucky ones. The doctors were able to repair most of it but . . . but certain parts of me just don’t work. I mean, all of my lady parts work. I just have a hard time emotionally. Add to it two miscarriages, and I’m sure that’s why Steven cheated. I couldn’t be the wife he needed.”

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