I let that settle in now as my shoulders sagged under the weight of a despair I couldn't do anything about. I was leaving him. He knew. It was out in the open. I'd known about it longer, of course, but I hadn't said it aloud to anyone—who would I have said it to? I hadn't even given my notice at the cemetery yet, too afraid to speak the words before I had told Luke. There had still been a possibility of changing my mind then, but now, seeing how okay Luke was, knowing how much I wasn't … I knew it was right, as wrong as it still seemed and how much it hurt in a way nothing ever had.

Luke lifted one side of his mouth in a smile. “Where are you going?”

I cleared my throat and lowered my gaze to the table. “Salem.”

“You've always wanted to go up there.”

“Yeah.”

“You already got a job?”

I hesitated before jerking my head in a half-assed nod.

“Still burying bodies?”

A laugh huffed past my lips. “What else would I do?”

The choked chuckle that scraped its way up his throat gave away his own sadness. “You're such a freak.”

“Yeah. It’s a, uh … a pretty good deal. There’s this little house in the cemetery.”

That seemed to startle him, and I almost found it in me to laugh. “You’re going tolivethere? Are you insane?”

“Seemed pretty perfect to me—”

An alarm grabbed our attention. We knew what that meant, yet we both turned our eyes toward the old guard manning the door to the prison.

“Fifteen minutes until visits are over. Wrap it up, folks,” he said in a tired voice, pushing his silver-framed glasses onto his nose.

The brick tied around my heart seemed to double in weight as I thrust my hand through my hair. Fifteen minutes, and I'd walk away from my brother for the last time until … when? When would I see him again?

“Maybe I shouldn't go,” I blurted out, desperate and scared and unsure I was making the right decision at all.

“Ah, come on. Don't do this. You made up your mind already, man, and that's good. You need this.”

My eyes welled up with tears, but I kept my stare on the table, unable to look at him.

“What are you gonna do with the house?”

“I, um … I'm not gonna sell it,” I croaked. “Not yet anyway. I guess I wanna keep my options open for now.”

“Okay,” Luke replied, seemingly satisfied with that answer. “I mean, you could get all the way up there and find you fuckin' hate the place.”

I tried to laugh, but the effort alone brought a horrible ache to settle in my chest.

“You won't though,” he added gently, and I finally looked up to find his lips had curled into the saddest, most heartbreaking smile I'd ever seen him wear. “You're gonna be fine.”

“Iwillcome back,” I felt the uncontrollable urge to say. “Iwillsee you again. I will talk to you again. I just … I need time, but Iwill.” I said it as a promise, as much for me as it was for him. And for the briefest glint of a moment, there was satisfaction in it, and I thought,Yes, this is good. This will be okay.

But then Luke's lips spread wider, but they didn't reach his eyes as he shook his head. “No, you won't, Charlie.”

That brick tethered to my heart sank deeper into a bottomless abyss as my lips fell open, and a harrowing sound of despair left my throat in protest, but he held up his hand before I could speak.

“And that's okay.I'mokay, and I mean that.” He held my eyes with a sincerity that startled me despite the assessment I'd been making for years. “I'mhappy, man. Truly. I am so seriouslyhappy with my life, as fucking crazy as that might seem to you right now, but I mean it. I want you to trust that, and I want you to go. It's about fucking time you were happy too.”

“All right, folks,” that old guard spoke. “Five more minutes. Say your goodbyes.”

Goodbye.