Page 67 of Calling Frank O'Hare

Frank laughed. ‘It’s not fat, it’s a pregnancy, and you’re not modelling anymore so why should it matter?’

‘It matters to me. I cannot have something growing inside me like an alien. And I hate babies.’

She ran into the bathroom and slammed the door. Frank went to bed. Well that was that then. No children. It was going to be just him and her forever. He’d better get used to it.

He was in a light sleep and the touch of Ellen’s arm tugged him out of it. He turned over and saw that she was crying. ‘You understand, don’t you, Frank? I can’t have a child. I can’t share you.’

He brushed his hand against her wet cheek. He couldn’t be cross with her when she was this pitiful and sad. ‘Don’t cry, sweetheart. I don’t mind really. I love you. You’re enough for me.’

‘Make love to me again, like we did this morning. It was so special.’

They did it again. She told him she’d never stop loving him and asked if he would always be hers. He said he would. ‘I’ll never leave you, Ellen. You’re my life.’ He meant it. She was mad, she was crazy, and she drove him to torment but Frank was in no doubt, Ellen was everything to him.

They slept in each other’s arms, and when they woke up the next morning it was just like their first days together back in Birmingham. Things would be better now. He was convinced of it.

He went to work and the day was as tough as he’d expected it to be. Two fights stopped. One knife confiscated. Four pupils excluded. He was glad to be on his way home.

Ellen wasn’t in when he got back, but there was a note waiting for him in the hall:

‘Frank,

I’m sorry, I need to get away. I’ll come back.

Wait for me x’

For the first seventy-two hours, Frank did nothing other than go to work, eat and sleep. He’d assumed she’d just taken off for a couple of days, like she used to when they were students. On the fourth day, with still no word, he rang Gavin.

Gavin sounded irritated: ‘Why didn’t you call me as soon as you got the note?’

‘I assumed she’d be back in a day or two. She used to disappear a lot when we were students.’

‘Have you checked the hospitals, informed the police?’

‘No. Like I said–’

‘Yes, yes, I heard you the first time. I’ll do it. Have you tried your friends?’

‘No, I’ve told no one except you. I’ll do that now.’

He rang Billy and Eve first, then he went through the address book calling her friends. None of them knew where she was.

With no one left in London, he called Adrian. ‘She phoned on Monday for a chat. Said she was going to France. I assumed it was work.’

‘Did she say where in France?’

‘No. I’m sorry, mate. If I’d known, I’d have asked her more, or given you the nod, but she was just like her normal self.’

Straight away, Frank rang Gavin. ‘Adrian spoke to her on the day she left. She told him she was going to France. He thought it was for work.’

‘That makes sense. She’s not in any of the hospitals in and around London, and she’s not in the morgue.’

Frank went cold. It wasn’t the word itself but the casual, offhand way it was dropped in. He knew it was just Gavin’s manner and he couldn’t help his upbringing, but all the same. He banished images of Ellen lying on a slab and replaced them with more optimistic thoughts that it was feasible she might be in France. ‘Do you really think she could be there?’

‘Yes, I do. She’s always felt at home there. Mother’s half French. We holidayed a lot in the south as children. I’ll get someone on it. In the meantime, if you see or hear from her, contact me immediately.’

It was another two weeks before Gavin was able to confirm that she was somewhere in the south of France and that he’d spoken to her. ‘She’s safe and she’s healthy.’

‘Where is she? Can I see her?’

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