Page 100 of Calling Frank O'Hare

Still in shock, he followed her trail, spotting two suitcases by the stairs on the way into the living room.

She sat in an armchair, the picture of elegance. ‘The place is looking a bit shabby, Frank. It wouldn’t hurt to get the decorators in.’

‘I hope you’re not expecting me to take you back.’

‘I’m expecting nothing. I came to put things right. Think of it as an atonement. For my sins.’

Frank frowned. ‘You’ve found religion?’

‘Absolutely not. I’ve found medicine. I have an illness. A condition.’

‘Oh.’ Frank didn’t know what else to say. As an afterthought, he added: ‘I’m sorry.’

Ellen waved her hand. ‘I’ve learned to live with it. The only thing I can’t live with is the way I treated you. Robyn too, but particularly you. I put you through hell. I’m so sorry. Will you let me make it up to you?’

Let me make it up to you. How many times in the past had he heard those words fall from her lips? Too many to count, and too many to add to. ‘There’s no need.’

‘There is. There really is. You see, Frank, when I said I can’t live with it, I really meant it.’

Frank looked into her eyes. Was she saying what he thought she was saying? Or was she just messing with his head and his conscience? ‘I … I don’t know what it is you want from me, Ellen.’

‘I want you to give me a chance to put things right. Let me come back, just until you can honestly say you’ve forgiven me. I’m not expecting anything. My only hope is that you’ll allow me friendship and forgiveness.’

The nausea was becoming stronger. It had nearly reached his mouth. Frank took a gulp of coffee to wash it back down. ‘I don’t think I can go through all of that again.’

She stretched out for his hand. ‘I understand. But I’m a better person now, Frank. That destructive part of me is under control. I just need a little time.’

Frank tore himself away from her beautiful grey-gold, pleading eyes before they sucked him in too far to get out. ‘I need to speak to Rob.’

‘Poor, darling Robyn. She’s at Edinburgh now, I hear. Doing art history. Some of me must have rubbed off on her then.’

‘Why didn’t you just tell her to go?’ Robyn was furious. Frank had picked her up from New Street Station. As soon as he told her that Ellen was back, she’d jumped on the next train down.

‘I honestly don’t know. I think I felt sorry for her.’ Now that he’d said it, Frank realised it was true. On the surface, Ellen seemed like her old self on a good day, but there was something about the way she carried herself, something in those eyes. A sadness. It was that alone that had melted his heart and made him consider giving her a chance to find peace with her past, before he divorced her. Perhaps they’d be able to split amicably and stay friendly, the way Ade and Stella had done. Wouldn’t that be best all round?

Robyn shook her head slowly and let out a long, loud breath. ‘I really don’t believe you sometimes, Dad. It’s like you can’t get enough of being shat on.’

He glanced over at her and saw that her eyes were glistening. They were tears of anger. Anger on his behalf. He reached for her hand and squeezed it. ‘I know, Baba.’ He rarely called her by that name now that she was an adult, but today she was his baby girl again. ‘It’s not like that this time, I promise you. She wants to put things right. I think we should let her try to do that. Then we’ll go our separate ways. Officially.’

‘Does she know that?’

‘I haven’t told her yet, but I will. Trust me, I am so over her.’

Robyn managed a weak smile. ‘You know you’re way too ancient to be saying stuff like that, don’t you?’

‘What? Don’t tell me you’re shitting on me as well?’

She tapped his arm. ‘I would never do that.’

Ellen was waiting in the living room for them. Frank let Robyn go ahead of him. Ellen stood in front of the window, her hands clasped in front of her. She was trembling.

Robyn came to a halt in the middle of the room and faced her mother, hands on hips.

Ellen pushed a loose strand of hair away, then returned her hands to their former grip. ‘Gavin told me how beautiful you were. He’d sent me photos, but they don’t do you justice.’

Robyn looked to Frank, her eyebrows sky high, then turned back to Ellen. ‘What the fuck has that got to do with anything? Do you think I care whether you judge me to be beautiful or not? Do you really think I give any kind of shit about your opinion of me at all? I don’t know what you’re playing at coming back here, but I tell you this, if you ever hurt my dad again, I will destroy you.’

‘I don’t want to hurt him. I never wanted to hurt you either, my darling. I just couldn’t help myself.’

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