Page 99 of Calling Frank O'Hare

In the last few hours he’d reassessed his relationship with Billy. With the blinkers removed, Frank was beginning to see it as others might. When they were kids, Billy had been the cool one that everyone wanted for their best friend. But being Billy’s best friend could be a scary business, because trouble always seemed to be just around the corner. The thing with the guns was one of many scrapes he’d gotten them into. It wasn’t that he loved danger, it was that he always had to be top dog. And if you were the top dog’s best friend, no one else was allowed to get close. That would be why he poisoned Frank against Martin, making out it was Martin who was the sneaky fecker when all the time it was him. Maybe that was why he’d stolen Eve when she’d been his girl.

He remembered Eve once telling him that Billy didn’t care who she slept with, as long as it wasn’t him. He’d thought that meant she’d had other affairs. She may have done, but that wasn’t what she was saying. She was saying Billy had no intention of letting Frank be top dog. She was saying, Billy despised him.

Then there was Ellen. Much as Frank wanted to turn away from it, he had to face the overwhelming possibility that Martin was telling the truth. Because the clues were there if you looked for them. The time Billy had called her Lottie. The way she went straight to him after she walked in on Frank and Eve. The amount of time they’d both spent away from home. And yes, Ellen had been in New York when Robyn was a baby. There were other little signs too. Now that the scales were falling, he remembered scenes differently. There were looks that passed between Billy and Ellen sometimes that Frank had ignored. Looks like the kind that passed between him and Eve when they were mad for each other.

So there you go then. Billy Mac was beating Frank with a baseball bat for screwing his wife when all the time he was doing the exact same thing with Frank’s wife. That was the real Billy Mac. He wanted you all to himself, and then he wanted what you had. And if he couldn’t have it, he ruined it.

Something else occurred to him. Did Eve know about Billy and Ellen? Is that why she took up with Frank in the first place? The words she spoke that day the Balaclavas came rang in his ears.He’s no one.Frank put his head in his hands. Christ, he was one big fucking dummy.

He was woken up by Fred’s soft nose nuzzling under his chin. When he opened his eyes he realised the dog was nestled beside him on the sofa. One of them had been dribbling. Most likely him since his left cheek was embedded in a damp patch. It would probably leave a water mark. Ellen would be outraged. That made him smile. He rubbed his eyes and looked around the room. It was still very much Ellen and not his style at all. Not that he actually had a style to call his own. One thing was certain. It was looking a bit tired and shabby. Ellen had said that herself when she came back for the last time.

65

Robyn the destroyer – 2015

Frank was standing over an easel in the breakfast room. He’d only recently started painting again. After Ellen left, he’d had no spare time what with working, taking care of Robyn, and hanging out with Adrian. Ade had moved in after that summer of 2007. He’d stayed three years, only moving out when he decided to give up teaching and buy the Hope and Anchor. Stella had accused him of having a typical Adrian mid-life crisis, but Ade was happy. The Hope and Anchor had always been his spiritual home.

They’d supported each other during those years, him and Ade, as they each adjusted to their new lives. The house had been an alternative home for Ade’s kids and their presence enriched Robyn’s life. Stella and Edie were also a great help and so were Ma and Da, after Frank finally disclosed the situation to them. Surprisingly, the most invaluable support came from Siobhan. Most of the time her relationship with Frank was antagonistic at best. But of all the people she could have chosen, Rob picked Siobhan to be her mother figure. They spoke at least once a week, talking about things girls couldn’t talk to their dads about. It was Siobhan who took Rob to buy her first bra, and it was Siobhan she cried down the phone to whenever her heart was broken. Siobhan would give him advice too. Really useful stuff, not just her usual nagging. If she rang when Frank wasn’t there, she’d leave lists of things he needed to do with Adrian. She’d been amazing really. Not that Frank would tell her. She’d only accuse him of being sarcastic.

Robyn was at university in Edinburgh now. In 2008, Frank had moved to a part-time position at a sixth form college so he could be around more for her. But Rob was starting out on her own adventure now and he was alone in this big old house with hours to spare. He needed something to occupy him, so he’d picked up painting again.

It wasn’t just the lonely hours he needed to take his mind off. Ellen had been in touch. It started a year ago with a birthday card for Robyn which she’d binned without even opening. Next came a Christmas card for them both. Frank had opened that one. It had simply said:

‘To Frank and Robyn,

Merry Christmas, my darlings,

Ellen xx’

Robyn had trashed it as soon as she saw it. She did the same with this year’s birthday card. But three weeks ago, Ellen had sent her a letter. Frank had taken it up to Edinburgh in person but she’d refused to take it. ‘If you get any more of these, Dad, just bin them. I’m not interested. End of.’

Frank hadn’t binned it. He’d kept it in his office drawer, in case she changed her mind at some point in the future. Right now though, he was regretting it, because every day since it had arrived, Frank held the package in his hands and feared what might be inside.

The package had a French postmark, just like the others. She was probably living there permanently now. Gavin knew where she was but Frank had told him never to speak of her again. All credit to him, he abided by that. He and Roger visited every month, primarily to see Robyn. He was the only Montague to ever show any warmth towards her. Robyn loved her Uncle Gav, and even though he rolled his eyes every time she shortened his name, it was obvious Gavin was touched by the level of intimacy he'd never achieved with his own family. It was highly likely that he kept Ellen abreast of what was happening. That was acceptable, as long the flow of information was only one way. But Ellen was up to something. Why else had she started with the communications?

Frank put down his brush. It was hard to concentrate today. Too much on his mind. Too many memories, doubts and fears. He really needed to speak to a solicitor about a divorce again. He’d done it after Ellen went, but got cold feet when the solicitor suggested she might file for custody of Robyn. He knew that no matter how much he argued she was an unfit mother, she had the money to buy the best solicitors in the country. It was a risk he hadn’t been prepared to take. But now that Robyn was of age, it was time to think about himself. Not that he was interested in finding another partner. Who’d want him anyway?

He heard the front door opening. Edie had a key and she usually let herself in. ‘Perfect timing, I was about to have a coffee.’

Then he saw who it was and his smile dropped.

Ellen took off her coat and shook the rain from her hair. It was shorter and streaked with silver now. ‘Coffee would be very nice. The rain’s getting quite heavy. I was in danger of a soaking.’

Frank remained frozen in the same spot, unable to believe what he was seeing.

She pecked him on the cheek. ‘Shall I pour?’

‘What are you doing here?’ Her kiss had broken the spell but he was struggling with an overwhelming urge to vomit.

‘You seem surprised to see me. Didn’t Robyn tell you?’

‘Robyn?’ The letter, of course. ‘She doesn’t open your letters.’

‘I see. You turned her against me.’

‘No. You did that all by yourself. What are you doing here, Ellen?’

She opened the cupboard, took down two clean mugs and poured the coffee. ‘Shall we talk in the lounge?’ She handed Frank one of the mugs. Up close he could see she had a few wrinkles. They didn’t diminish her beauty.

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