Page 61 of The Christmas You Crash

We’re quieter than we have been as we move around the kitchen, making our last dinner in this cabin together. I want to know what she’s thinking, but I’m also scared to ask. I’m not an idiot. I may be all in and ready to give dating a serious try, but she’s more hesitant than I am. The longer I put off talking to her about our next steps, the longer I can live in this beautiful delusion that everything will work out between us.

Time to suck it up, grow a pair, and communicate with Lexi, even if it’s scary or hard. She deserves that. She deserves someone who won’t shy away from the tough conversations. Someone who won’t let her slip away with vague excuses. Because she’s used to that, isn’t she? I don’t get the sense that her parents are ones to have tough conversations with her. Hell, it’s entirely possible that Lexi has no idea how to deal with confrontation, or even a simple conversation about the future, because she’s never seen it in action.

That’s one thing I’ll give my parents. Even though I don’t remember many actual conversations with my mom or what they entailed, I do remember feeling seen and heard. She valued my opinions and feelings. And when she died, my dad got us both into therapy. Sometimes we went together, sometimes separately, but either way, I learned healthy ways to communicate. I won’t throw away all those hours of learning andgrowth just because I’m scared the woman I’m interested in will walk away.

Only one way to find out.

“Do you have plans for New Year’s Eve?” I ask, breaking the prolonged silence.

Lexi glances over her shoulder at me. “No. Originally, I was planning to stay through New Year’s, but I’m not so sure now. I guess it seems like the cabin will be lonely without you. I’ll probably leave tomorrow when you do.” She goes back to chopping onions for the chili we’re making. “What are your plans?”

I take a break from opening cans of beans and stewed tomatoes to rub my uninjured hand over the back of my neck. “Well, I’m not sure if you’re familiar with any of the guys on the team?”

She hums, wobbling her head. It’s not a yes, but it’s not a no.

“Well, Maddox Graves is our team captain. His girlfriend, Isla, recently moved in with him, and they’ve invited some guys from the team over for dinner and drinks. I was planning to go to that.”

“Oh,” she says. Her back is stiffer than it was, and I don’t miss the tension in her shoulders. “That sounds nice.”

Dammit. I suck at this. She’s not getting it. I drop the can opener on the counter and walk up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist. “It does. Well, it does if you agree to go with me.”

Her silence doesn’t surprise me. Rather than pushing her to answer, I sweep her hair away from her neck and pepper it with slow kisses. My hands roam her stomach and brush the undersides of her breasts. After she’s had some time to process, I say, “I want to spend New Year’s Eve with you. If that means I bail on Maddox and Isla, then that’s what I’ll do.”

“No,” she says with a gust of breath. “Don’t do that for me.”

This woman. “I’ll do anything for you, OTG. I’ll prove it, eventually.”

Her body loosens with those words, and her head falls back onto my shoulder. “I don’t want to be the kind of woman who makes you break your plans, Ryder. That would be selfish of me. I just...I’m not ready for my dad to find out about us.”

A part of me wonders if she’s ashamed to be with me and that’s why she doesn’t want him to know, but that’s an easy fear to squash. I know they have a shitty relationship, so it’s probably more that she doesn’t want to deal with whatever lecture he’ll give us. Because he may be an uninvolved father, but every dad is protective of their daughters when it comes to men, right? I’m sure he’ll chew my ass out once he knows. He’ll probably threaten me with bodily harm, or he’ll threaten my career... But Lexi’s worth dealing with all of that. And honestly, I hope hedoesdo all of that, so she knows he cares.

“We don’t have to tell the guys who you are or how we met,” I murmur in her ear. “You can just be Lexi. No last name. No details. Just the beautiful woman who caught my eye and then wrapped her pretty fingers around my heart.”

Her body shakes with silent laughter. Then her head turns on my shoulder to look at me out of the corner of her eye. “Won’t they recognize my name?”

Ah. This is where it gets tricky. I don’t want to hurt Lexi by revealing that her dad doesn’t talk about her or have any recent pictures of her up. “Uh, well, Coach keeps his personal life pretty private, baby. I don’t think any of the guys would realize by your first name that you’re Coach’s daughter.”

Those big green eyes blink slowly at me. “He’s never mentioned me by name at all, has he?”

Blowing out a deep breath, I kiss her forehead. “No. Sorry, Lex.”

Her eyes close. “And he doesn’t have a picture of me up anywhere in his office, does he?”

“He does,” I say, my arms tightening around her midsection. “It’s just...you were pretty young in it. I’ve seen it, and I didn’t recognize you.”

“Oh.” Her brow furrows. “That’s more than I expected, honestly, so it shouldn’t hurt, but it kind of does.”

“I know. I’m sorry, Lexi. He’s an idiot.”

Lexi only shrugs. “Guess so.”

“Will you go with me?” I can’t hide the hope in my voice, and I don’t really try. I want her to hear how much I crave spending time with her.

She shifts her weight from one foot to the other. “I don’t know, Ryder...”

“Come on, baby. I promise you’ll have fun. It won’t be some wild party or anything. It’s supposed to be sophisticated.” She snorts. “Okay, well, more sophisticated than it would have been if Maddox didn’t have his girlfriend planning it.”

I spin her around, press her chest against mine, and tilt her chin up. “If you really don’t want to go, that’s okay. I’ll cancel, and you and I can do whatever you want.” And I mean it. I will cancel. She’s more important than some party, even if I have been hoping to get closer to the guys. There’ll be other opportunities for that.

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