Page 20 of Body Shot

I know almost exactly how long it’s been.

“Who was he?” Anders asks once we’re walking along the damp sand that lines the shoreline. “Tell me his name.”

I sigh. It’s been a long time since I’ve said it out loud. “Seth.”

“Seth what?”

“Crandall.”

“Seth Crandall. Well, fuck Seth Crandall.”

I laugh.

This guy gets me.

I don’t know how or why, but he does.

“Tell me what Seth Crandall did to make you hate sex.”

Embarrassment and discomfiture gnaw their way through my gut, but Anders’ strong hand around mine somehow gives me strength to start the story.

“We met sophomore year at MIT. We?—”

“You went to MIT?”

“Yes. Why?”

“I didn’t realize...that’s pretty impressive.”

“Thank you. I don’t usually tell people.”

“Well, I’m glad you told me, but let’s get back to Seth Crandall.”

“We met sophomore year. He was also a computer science major. He was nerdy, like me, and really smart, so we had a lot in common. We started dating. After a couple of months, things started to get physical. I was still a virgin, so I made him wait, and he was patient at first, but he got more and more antsy, and I finally gave in.”

“You’re not supposed togive in,” he murmurs. “It’s supposed to be fun and exciting, something you look forward to.”

“Well, I was looking forward to getting it over with.”

“And then?”

“And then…” I stare out at the water, watching the waves crash onto shore.

Why is this so hard?

I hadn’t done anything wrong.

I was young and inexperienced.

I had no idea my hymen was industrial strength.

No idea how much it would hurt.

No way to foresee the pain and humiliation.

“Was it that bad?” he asks softly.

“So bad.” I try to pull my hand out of his, but he squeezes tightly.

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