Page 21 of Body Shot

“Don’t pull away. I’m right here with you. We all have embarrassing stories from our pasts. I’ll tell you mine someday.”

I nod and take a deep breath. “I’m one of the lucky few women who was born with an extra-thick hymen.”

SEVEN

Anders

I’m sostartled it takes a minute for her words to really sink in.

On one hand, it’s so ridiculous, it seems like it can’t be true.

On the other, I can’t even begin to imagine her pain and confusion in the moment.

“We tried to do the deed for hours,” she continues, staring straight ahead without looking at me. “It hurt so much, and he couldn’t get in. There was tearing, and bleeding, and cursing, and crying…And finally, when I couldn’t take it anymore, I told him to stop.”

“Shit, sweetheart, I’m sorry.”

“He wasn’t mad at first, he figured we could rest and try again. So we did. And it was just more of the same. I couldn’t figure out why it hurt so much. I have girlfriends and I did my research online, so it made no sense. I was determined to make it happen, no matter how bad the pain was, but then I started bleeding. A lot. At that point, I was done. He left in a huff, and I figured I’d done something wrong. I didn’t know that there was such a thing as a microperforate hymen. Which means it grewbigger and thicker than normal and only has a tiny opening, so that a penis couldn’t get in there. Mine was so thick that while a normal hymen tears or just opens up—and some women don’t even have one—mine refused to budge.”

“Did you go to the doctor?”

“Not at first. I was pretty traumatized. Like, I was in love, and your first time is supposed to be romantic and special. And on top of how embarrassing the whole thing was, Seth dumped me. He acted like I was faking it and if I would have just relaxed, it would’ve been okay.”

“That’s not how anatomy works,” I say gently.

“Right. But I was so humiliated, it took me weeks before I finally told Hana the details of what happened. She knew right away that didn’t sound normal, so she made me go to the doctor. And thank goodness she did. I had to have something called a hymenectomy—which means they removed it with surgery.”

“Jesus.” I shake my head. “I’m so sorry this happened to you. That’s rare, isn’t it?”

“Very. Leave it to me to be some kind of sexual anomaly.”

“And now?”

“From a medical standpoint, everything is healed and sex should be fine. Mentally and emotionally, well, that’s something else altogether.”

“So there’s no physical reason why you can’t have sex?”

“Right. But mentally, just the thought of someone putting anything in there almost gives me a panic attack.”

“I’m genuinely sorry.” I squeeze her hand. “That sounds awful. And also, fuck Seth Crandall.”

She giggles. “Well, ornotfuck him, in my case.”

“It didn’t occur to him that what happened wasn’t normal? That there was something else going on? Even if he was inexperienced too—and it sounds like he was—wouldn’tcommon sense kick in? He was a student at MIT. He had to have at least a little bit of general biology knowledge.”

“I was really nervous about doing it, and I made him wait months, so he assumed it was me tensing up.”

“I’m no doctor, but I don’t think a vagina can be quitethattense.”

“I didn’t know any better until I saw the doctor, so I thought it was me too, which is why it took me weeks to tell Hana what happened. I don’t know what would have happened if she hadn’t helped me navigate the medical part of it all. Unfortunately, the emotional part has been ongoing.”

“And you’ve never gone out on another date?”

“A few, but not the kind that could potentially lead to sex. And since I’m not interested in sex, it becomes a bit of a conundrum.”

“What about kissing?” I ask softly, slowing to a stop and turning, so that we’re facing each other.

“What about it?” She looks mildly confused.

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