Page 110 of Forever Golden

“Just a small loan. Nothing you’d miss,” she begs.

I stop and pivot toward her again, feeling like there’s actual fire beneath my skin when I lay eyes on her.

“I hate you!”

Those words tumble out, echoing into the night and I know I should regret letting them slip, but I don’t. Because they’re true.

“You are theworstpiece of shit I’ve ever met in my entire life,” I add. “What kind of human leaves her kids to fend for themselves in a world like this?”

Tears sting my eyes, but they’re steeped in anger and hatred, not sadness.

“You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know,” she confesses, her timid voice barely louder than a whisper. “I failed you kids. No one’s more aware of that than me.”

“And yet, you continue to only come around when you need something.”

She lowers her gaze then, staring at the flip-flops that are doing nothing to shield her feet from the snow-covered ground.

“If I could take back everything with Hunter, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

She says those words as if they should mean something to me, but I have no idea what she’s talking about.

“I never should’ve gotten him involved. He wanted to help out more, bring more money into the house, but I had no clue what they’d do to him.”

I dash toward her, taking her unfamiliarly thin arm in my hand.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

She seems surprised by the hard look set on my face, but she needs to know I’m not letting go until she explains herself.

“He… he wanted to earn some quick cash. The kind of cash that could’ve changed our lives,” she says. “So, since Paul and I go way back, I reached out to him. Your brother was already working with the Ruizes, but I let Paul know Hunter was ready for something bigger—a more important role in the business.”

By her and Paul going ‘way back’, she means he used to be her supply guy back in the day, before he was promoted within the family ranks by Augustin years ago.

Tears slip from her eyes and she tries to squirm out of my grasp.

“Mom, what the hell did you do?”

Shaking her head like a terrified toddler, she tries pulling away again. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”

I don’t have time for her antics, so I squeeze tighter. “What the fuck did you do to Hunter?”

This time, I scream at her louder than I mean to. My concern isn’t that I’m considering her feelings, but because I’d prefer for strangers not to hear our conversation.

“I talked Paul into taking Hunter in deeper, giving him more responsibility. Then, before we knew it, Hunter said Paul found him a spot moving cargo,” she explains.

Cargo—there goes that damn word again.

“Hunter was so, so excited. Paul wanted to train him in the new business, so he was supposed to keep him under his wing for a week to learn the ropes, but within two days, the cops were knocking at our door, saying Hunter got arrested for killing that Robyn girl.”

I can’t even see straight I’m so pissed at her. “So, Hunter being in jail isyourfault?”

Suddenly, something Ricky said to me months ago made perfect sense. When I blamed him for Hunter going bad, he told me to look a little closer to home.

He was talking about my mom. Heknewshe was the one who got Hunter entangled in the circumstances that eventually ruined his life.

“No! I was just trying to get him some work!”

“You might be an idiot, but everyone on the southside knows what kind of work Paul Ruiz does! Don’t pretend you had no clue you were putting Hunter in danger. He went in deeper because you wanted him to! Because you’re a greedy bitch who’d rather have that damn poison in her veins than have her kids home safe.”

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