Page 148 of We Redeemed the Rain

The stupid dream I’d had rushed into my memory. Bea’s angry face as she jerked mine down toward hers.“Focus on me, Tag.”

I’m trying, Bea.

And suddenly I felt like the biggest jackass on the face of the planet. The biggest coward. The biggest waste of time. The biggest nothing.

In the dream, Bea was right. It would always be the same with me. I wouldn’t ever be free to stop looking over my shoulder. My watch, my vigilance, my memories…they would follow me forever.

Dammit. I’m trying, Bea. I’m trying.

Love required touch. Bea deserved someone who could love her body well. Someone who could stop running from his past long enough to adore her. Someone who wasn’t afraid to be fully, completely known.

Bea’s lips parted and her tongue delicately touched my bottom lip.

I pulled back, breaking the kiss. Adrenaline dumped into my veins. I realized I had started to tremble. I rolled to my back again, staring straight up at the stars, but not seeing them. I resisted the urge to clutch my chest, and begged the universe to spare me from spiraling right here and now.

Please.

She took a few heavy breaths before she silently rolled to her back too. “Tag?” she whispered, “Are you okay?” The anguish in her voice made me ache on the inside. Rolling away made sense in the moment, but it was heartless. She probably thought she did somethingwrong.

“I’m—I’m fine.”

“I’m pretty sure I was a lot more into that than you were.” She took a shuddering breath.

We laid there in awkward silence for a few long moments.

I took a deep breath, then another. Had to get control of my heart rate.

I didn’t recognize my own voice. “I shouldn’tbe kissin’ you.”

She sighed, not trying to hide her frustration. “That doesn’t make sense. Why on earth not?”

“You’re leaving.”

“Tag.”

I stared at the stars.

“Look at me.”

Reluctantly, I turned my head to find her looking straight into my eyes.

“We need to talk.”

I waited.

Her voice was a taut whisper. “What exactly are we?”

“I don’t understand.”

She huffed. “When I go home to Colorado on Tuesday, I need to know where we stand. I came here as an old, forgotten friend and now…I have no idea what to think. Sometimes, I believe you want this as bad as I do, but other times, I have no idea what’s going through your head. This entire time, we’ve clearly had feelings for each other, but have never once broached the topic of what’s next. Talk to me.”

My swallow was thick, stuck. “I—I do care about you.”

“I care about you.” She echoed.

“In theory, I’d love to…”

“Love to what?”

---