Page 97 of Love Me Reckless

“We got it,” Ava says.

“Okay, I’ll be back in thirty.” Cassie shuts the door.

My skin feels prickly and my face is hot.Focus on gratitude. I’m so thankful for my brother. My friends. For Get Lit and the thousands of books we’ve shared with children and communities. For Grandma Dora. For Birch saving Finn River Ranch.

Ava and Sofie slip into their dresses while I peel off my robe. In the mirror, my little bird catches my eye.

“Wow!” Ava says, gazing at my side. “You weren’t kidding.”

“It’s beautiful,” Sofie says, then winks. “Sexy too.”

My eyes sting with another wave of tears.

“Did it hurt?” Ava asks, wincing.

“Yep.” I almost miss that pain. What is wrong with me?

“What did Birch think?” Ava asks.

“He kind of did a double take the first time, but he didn’t say anything.” I got the sense he wasn’t sure it hadn’t been there before, and he knew asking might make him look bad.

“Did your mom freak?” Sofie asks.

“She may have stormed out of my final dress fitting,” I say.

“It’s not her wedding,” Sofie says, a defiant gleam in her eye.

“It’s not her body,” Ava adds.

Good thing you didn’t do it to please them.“Right.”

Ava helps me step into my dress. My legs feel wobbly and the room is too hot.

I’m doing the right thing, aren’t I?

Another one of Grandma Dora’s famous sayings sharpens into focus.If you have to ask the question, you already know the answer.

While Sofie works on the little buttons in the back and Ava fluffs my train, I stare at myself in the mirror.

My hair is gathered in a bundle of loose curls at the nape of my neck, with dainty tendrils framing my face. My freckles are hidden beneath the makeup and my lips are a deep raspberry. If only my eyes didn’t look so puffy, and sad, I would look like the perfect bride.

Why can’t I smile?

Iremember that elevator ride with Sawyer, after skinny dipping in the dark.

Compared to tonight, how do you feel?

With Sawyer, I felt brave, strong. Alive.

“Okay, let’s see!” Ava stands next to me, with Sofie on the other side. In the mirror’s reflection, I see my two best friends looking so beautiful and confident.

“You’re so beautiful, Kirilee,” Sofie says, blinking back tears.

I pull her into a hug as emotions churn inside me.

I hug Ava next and hold on tight. Sofie wraps her arms around us both.

“I love you guys,” I say.

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