Page 134 of Love Me Dangerous

Zach texted me that he arrived safely, and we text daily, but it gets harder and harder to feel anything. We FaceTimed on Thanksgiving morning, but I was busy cooking and getting everything ready for our gathering, so it felt rushed. Or maybe I wanted it that way so he wouldn’t see how miserable I am.

In the next room, Jesse and Neve talk in soft murmurs late into the night, which turns to muffled moans and sighs in synch with his bed squeaking. I cover my head with a pillow, but there’s still a trace of Zach’s scent.

A week after Thanksgiving, I’m getting ready for a breakfast date with Ava and Kirilee at Glory Holes, when I nearly run into Jesse carrying a cup of coffee to the dining room.

“Morning,” he says with a smile.

I give the laptop open on the dining room table a curious glance. “Morning. You’re up early.”

“I’m submittingWinter Gamesto the Silver Spur Film Festival.”

“That’s great, Jess!”

He smiles. It’s his genuine smile, the one that’s not a cover for emotions he doesn’t know how to share. The one that makes his eyes sparkle.

A sense of calm washes through me. Since we left the hospital, he’s been around more, and he seems… settled somehow. More present.

“I got the insurance settlement,” he says, bringing his coffee cup to his lips.

Right. The CJ-7 is a classic car and Jesse put a lot of work into it. The extra insurance policy was Dad’s idea, but I didn’t know Jesse had actually signed up until after the accident.

“I want you to have it,” he says.

I blink at him. “What?”

He sets his coffee on the counter and rests his hands on my shoulders. His face turns serious, and my empty gut starts vibrating.

“You’ve given up so much for us.” He swallows hard and inhales a shaky breath. “I’ve been selfish, Sofie. I’m sorry.”

I huff a breath. My mind is whirring with questions. I want to ask how we got here. Have I been so consumed in my misery that I missed him figuring shit out?

“You should keep the money,” I say. He could use it for new equipment or classes or even to live on while he focuses on filmmaking.

He shakes his head. “You’ve always supported my dreams. It’s my turn to support yours.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. Here’s the brother I remember. The one who bandaged my knees when I crashed my five-speed and who pushed me on the swings at the park without complaint. The one who took me for milkshakes after school and made me laugh.

“What about L.A.?”

“This is where I want to be right now. L.A. will be there if I change my mind.”

“You’re sure?” I manage.

He pulls me into a hug, and I slide my arms around him. His body feels stronger than I remember. More solid.

After a soft squeeze, he steps back. “There’s enough you could do some traveling, too. I hear Alaska’s northern lights are the shizdizzle this time of year.”

“You trying to get rid of me?” I joke because he might as well have stepped on my heart.

With a thoughtful gleam in his eye, he grabs his coffee and turns away. “Just sayin’ you got options.”

When I getto Glory Holes, the cloud of sweet warmth is welcoming, but it’s like I’ve forgotten how to appreciate the little things. Or maybe it makes me miss Zach all over again because I never got a chance to bring him here.

Ava waves me over from a table in the corner.

“I ordered us a full Glory for now but we can order more,” she says after hugging me. “I’ve been up since four.”

Ava doesn’t have sleep issues, ever, so something’s up. “You okay?”

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