Page 100 of Love Me Dangerous

Whatever happens, however I decide to fix this—I can’t let it put him or Barb in danger. They’ve been so good to me. Better than I deserve.

The longing to go back in time to those moments earlier today when I imagined William here with me pulls so tightly that I have to pause on the stairs. Pain and loss flood into me. I grip the railing and shut my eyes. Fuck it hurts.

And it’s only the beginning.

Chapter Twenty-Four

SOFIE

I stareat my phone screen. At Zach’s text.

Something’s come up

I have a million questions, but I’m not going to ask them. Because maybe I don’t want the answers.

You okay?

Yeah

I lower onto my bed and gaze around my room. Everything looks the same. Same dresser with the four coats of white paint. Same pictures framed of me with my friends, my high school graduation, a Christmas party with Dad, Jesse, and Linnie. Same soft bed with the yellow comforter, the side chair with a sweatshirt draped over the back, same jumble of shoes at the floor of my closet.

So why does it feel different?

Barren. Faded. Stale.

I pull my pearly white sweater over my head, the one I had imagined Zach slipping off me in the darkness, his eyes drinking me in, fillingwith desire. I exchange it for one of Dad’s flannels, tying the tails tight at my waist. The hug of fabric grounds me. I slip off my jeans—the only ones I don’t do barn chores in—and step into my cozy fleece pants with the worn patches in the knees. And then I wash my face in the bathroom, removing all trace of a girl who had something special to look forward to.

I check my phone but Zach hasn’t messaged me with anything else.

Come over, he’d said. Notcan you come overorwanna hang out later, but a demand.

Like he needed me as much as I needed him.

I’m tempted to say something, but I feel like a bird whose wings have been clipped.

Get it together, girl. Something came up. It happens.

When I come out of my room, Dad and Linnie are in the living room, watchingIs It Cake?

“I thought you were going out,” Dad says, no doubt sizing up my change in outfit.

I shrug. “Change of plans.”

“You want to watch with us?” Linnie leans past Dad with an eager gleam in her eye. “One of the bakers made a ski boot cake. I think he’s gonna win.”

“Sure.” I take the other side of the couch. I try to focus on the show, but my mind is tumbling end over end. This is the couch where Zach rubbed my feet, his gaze soft and full of so much promise. Where we talked in the darkness, and I felt so close to him.

After the show ends, Linnie gets ready for bed, and I drift to my room. Dad stops by, leaning past my doorframe.

“You doing okay?”

I put on a brave face. “Yeah. Just tired.”

His caring gaze lingers. “You hear from Jess?”

With a shake of my head, I reach down to turn on my bedside lamp. For an instant, I’m transported back in time, to fumbling in the drawer for condoms. A thick lump clots in my throat.

“You want to talk, I’m here,” Dad says, and I’m wondering if we’re still talking about Jesse.

---