Page 94 of First Surrender

“She comes about once a week and usually brings a couple of meals with her. She might’ve been the one to bring the doll.” Mary looks at me thoughtfully, seeing something on my face I’m not aware of.

Chapter Forty-Two

Natalie

My hand wipes the counter down on autopilot, my brain too preoccupied to pay attention to the task. This aching in my chest is too distracting to pretend to be okay.

Dec can even tell something is wrong and has steered clear of me for most of the afternoon. He’s watching a movie in the living room, only braving the kitchen long enough to grab a snack and retreat.

I’m furious with Jackson. I’m hurt. He completely shut down and shut me out without giving me a chance to communicate with him. Then he was gone all night doing who knows what. He’s the one who thawed my cold dead heart and now he wants to stomp on it.

I’m back in limbo. If things are over with Jackson then we’ll be back on our own. I’ll have to start looking for an apartment and still be able to afford my attorney.

He convinced me that I was safe here and I was stupid enough to believe him. All it took was one hard conversation and the life he promised me is blowing up in smoke. I’ve turned into my mother despite my hatred of the life she gave me.

I’m so fucking stupid.

That thought nearly makes me sob. I hide the noise behind my hand so Dec doesn’t notice.

“Jackson’s home,” Dec announces from the couch. He’s only been gone an hour and I wasn’t prepared to see him again so soon. The ache in my chest deepens, spreading to the depths of my stomach.

The front door flings open quickly as he comes running through it. “Dec, I’m sorry but you’ll want to close your eyes,” Jackson says, closing the distance between us.

“What? Why?” Dec starts to ask but immediately gags as Jackson takes my face in his hands and kisses me brutally.

My body is stiff as he holds me, my lips don’t respond to his right away, but it only takes a second to forget my worries. My whole being melts against him, reciprocating his embrace, forgetting that I’m mad.

“Can you guys stop being gross?” Dec shouts from under a pillow and my body freezes again.

What the hell am I doing?

I shove Jackson away from me and wipe his kiss off my face, glowering at him with all the pissed-off nerve endings in my body. His eyes are sorrowful, but gazing back at me with intensity.

“Dec, Jackson and I need to discuss grown-up things. Do you want to stay out here or go to your room for a bit?” I ask him, continuing to glare at Jackson.

He thinks he can act how he did and then come back like nothing happened. As if.

“My movie is almost over,” Dec says, dismissing us. I stomp to Jackson’s room and wait as he slides past me. I shut the door quietly even though I want to slam it and spin on him, ready to bite his head off.

“You’ve been visiting my mom?” He asks and it halts the argument I had ready on my tongue. That’s not what I expected him to say.

“Yeah. Since I moved in. I’ve been taking her lunch.”

“And, a baby doll?”

My heart skips. I hoped he wouldn’t find out about that. “I bought it for her after I found out I was pregnant. I thought… I don’t know. Maybe one day if we showed up with a baby it wouldn’t be so hard on her. Obviously, it doesn’t matter now.”

“It matters. All of it matters.” He steps forward to embrace me but I put my hand up to stop him. I’m not ready to pretend like things are okay. They’re not.

“Are you kicking me and Dec out?” I ask, unable to look at him.

“What? No.”

“Jackson, don’t play dumb. What the fuck is going on? You ran out on me and didn’t come home. I waited up all night for you. Then you came home and couldn’t be bothered to look at me.”

“I didn’t go see anyone else, Natalie. I was in my office. I promise on my life.”

“I had already convinced myself that any of my doubts were because of my own insecurity, that you wouldn’t do that. I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt despite my brain telling me to hex you but you were gone for so long. Then you came home and it didn’t seem like you cared. What the hell am I supposed to think?” I thump down on the bed, exhausted, with my head in my hands.

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