Page 54 of Violent Cravings

I still haven't.

I still have no idea what to do with myself, and I've lacked the motivation to take any initiative. For me, there was no urgent need to work, and I didn't think that a job was what I needed to begin with. I always thought about going back to college. That's been the idea since I got hold of all that money. But the money is almost gone now. Large chunks of it were used to pay off the debt I was left with after my mother's death. I didn't have to pay it back all at once. They offered to simply let me increase the monthly installment amount I had been paying before, but I declined. I no longer wanted this to be part of my life. I needed to free myself of everything from that horrible time in my life and to be able to finally move on.

But move on to what?

I let out a deep sigh, bobbing up from the bed to make my way to the kitchen. It's only 5 p.m., but I decide that it's never too early for a glass of white wine. My phone vibrates in the pocket of my hot pants jeans. I don't have to check the screen to know it's Steven. He's asked to come over tonight, and I still owe him a reply. My chest tightens at the thought of having to break up with him, not because I will miss him, but because I'm afraid to break his heart. Steven truly cares for me, and he doesn't deserve to be treated this way. I know I'm a coward for letting him down like this. I've been telling myself for weeks that I should keep trying. Maybe I would eventually fall in love with him. Maybe I just need more time. I didn't want to give up on this relationship too early. But at this point, even I have to admit that there's no point in continuing. I'm only hurting him.

I pour myself a glass of white wine and step out on the balcony, squinting as I try to read my phone's screen against the streams of afternoon sun. The text is indeed from Steven, and he's pushing for a well-deserved response from me.

Tonight.

I have to do it tonight. Get it over with.

But I don't want to do it here, in my apartment.

"Let's grab a drink at the Thirsty Crow," I type. "We need to talk."

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