Page 36 of Grump and Grumpier

CHAPTER 28

ANA

The following Monday, there’s a little white box on my desk when I arrive at work, and I open it to find a figurine depicting two dolphins. It appears to be porcelain; the dolphins are white and accented with delicate gold brush strokes.

Though it’s not lingerie, the quality of the item reminds me of the lingerie Jansen sent, and I wonder if it could be from him. But wouldn’t he include a card? There’s none to be found.

Aside from that one delivery of fancy underwear, which technically was to replace something he took, ours isn’t really a gift-giving kind of relationship. It’s not a relationship at all, except for boss-employee with occasional sex thrown into the mix. Our relationship is all business and pleasure with nothing in between.

Then I remember the wiper blades, which werealso an anonymous gift. I’ve never found any clue as to who replaced them for me, and I wonder if this figurine is going to remain a mystery, too. Whoever gave it to me, it’s beautiful, and unlike any that’s already in my large collection.

As I’m looking around my office for a good spot to display it, Jackie sticks her head in. “Ana?”

“Yes? Hi, Jackie. Good morning.”

My usually amiable associate isn’t smiling. “Good morning. Um … have you been over by the break room yet?”

I glance toward my lunch bag, which is still sitting on my desk. “Not yet. Why?”

“There’s a bit of a problem over on that side of the office. A …smell.”

“A smell?”

“Yeah, I’m afraid it might be a little something left from one of the furry visitors on Friday. It wasn’tmygirl, though. She was by my side all day, and I took her outside for frequent potty breaks.” Jackie adds quickly.

Oh geez, this can’t be good. If one of the dogs or cats had an accident on Friday, it’s been setting into the carpet all weekend. I was thinking the first pet day had gone incredibly well, but apparently I thought too soon.

Sure enough, as I cross the space, the odor starts out faint and grows stronger as I near the corner justpast the break room. It smells like pee, not poop, and initially that seems like a good thing, but then I realize urine will have seeped into the carpeting much more than a solid mess would have.

As I try to find the source of the smell, other employees whose desks are in the vicinity arrive and immediately begin complaining. I can’t blame them; it smells pretty gross.

It definitely needs to be handled right away, but first I need to find the exact location of the problem. After a first and second pass, I can’t find any visible stains, though the carpet is gray with light and dark areas, probably intentionally designed to hide stains.

“Hey, what happened back here?” It’s the marketing director, Owen, and while everyone else has been in an instant bad mood about the smell, his tone sounds sympathetic.

“Apparently, someone had an accident on Friday.”

He lifts his hands in innocence. “It wasn’t me, I swear, but I did see Rob turning circles in this corner Friday afternoon.”

I crack up, grateful to him for lightening the mood. “It needs to be cleaned, but I can’t find the actual source.”

Owen starts helping me look, and after moving a chair out of a vacant cubicle and crawling under a desk, he finds it.

“I’ll go get some spray cleaner,” I say. “I don’t suppose there’s vinegar in the kitchen, is there?”

He shakes his head. “Not that I’m aware of.”

“I’m probably going to have to bring in professional carpet cleaners. The best I can do right now is mask the smell.”

All of a sudden, Derek and Jansen are there. I hardly ever see them out of their offices, and never at the same time, but they just had to choose this moment to appear.

“What’s going on?” Derek’s voice is gruff. Jansen wrinkles his nose.

“There was an accident on Friday, apparently. I’ll get it taken care of.”

“I knew bringing animals in was a bad idea,” Jansen says.

I step in close to them, so I can keep my voice low. “It’s just a little oopsy. A minor inconvenience, well worth the goodwill created by allowing people to bring their pets in.”

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