Page 94 of Always on My Mind

“Ow!” he cried and shook out his hand. “What’s the matter?”

“Don’t ring the bell, I don’t need my ma seeing me like this.” She patted her pockets in search of her phone and handed it to him. “Text my granda. I got him his burger, he’ll help me get past my ma.”

She told him the passcode. He opened up her texts and typed. Within minutes, her grandfather was at the door, offering her a hand over the threshold.

“Thanks for the pints and sympathy, Dom,” Tessa said softly.

“Anytime,” he replied. “I hope you heal soon, Tessa.”

She smiled and leaned into her grandfather. As she watched Dominic leave, she wished she could have been with someone like him. It would have been so simple, so easy. And yet, she knew she never could. Not while Jamie was on the same planet. Whenever they existed together, they held each other’s hearts. Tessa let her grandfather help her to bed with the worst case of existential dread. Even drunk, she realized that her fears from the moment she discovered that Jamie was her soulmate were true. She would never be happy—truly happy—unless she and Jamie were together. And she had torn them apart once again.

Chapter 28

Jamie stared at the tenth unanswered text she’d sent to Tessa. She knew it was useless, but she wanted—no, she needed to try. She had taken all these steps to get the chance to be with Tessa again, and somehow, had mucked it up. Seemingly beyond repair. But giving up wasn’t an option. Not when they had the soulmate connection. Not when Jamie was finally making strides.

Between texts to Tessa, she trained. Whether it was lifting weights, running, or doing some solo drills on the practice pitch, she occupied her mind with football. It was the one thing she always had going for her. Match day proved to be a blessing in disguise. At first, she worried that she wouldn’t be able to focus with her painfully heavy heart. But with Tessa gone back to Derry for a few days, she wasn’t fixated on her presence on the touchline.

Jamie assisted two of the three goals that won them the match. She celebrated with her teammates when they scored. The joywas hollow, though. It didn’t reach all the way to her bones the way it did when she was with Tessa.

Even football couldn’t fill the void Tessa had left behind. It was a distraction, nothing more.

On Monday, Jamie arrived early to training. She hid out in the weight room for over an hour, warming her muscles up. Letting her mind transfer its focus from the ache in her heart to the strength of her body.

She cooled down with a walk on the treadmill. While she caught her breath, Zahra appeared on the treadmill beside her. She was wearing a large sweatshirt with the hood up over her hair, which was her standard until she put on her hijab when they went outside.

“Good morning!” she said cheerfully.

“Morning,” Jamie replied, without even half of Zahra’s enthusiasm.

She hopped onto the treadmill and immediately tripped. Jamie’s hand shot out and caught Zahra before she could fall.

“Thank you,” she said, a hand to her chest. “Inshallah, I’ll stay upright once the machine is actually on.”

Jamie cast a sidelong glance at her teammate. Zahra was clumsy and accident-prone off the pitch, but nothing seemed to scare her. Somehow, she was able to shrug off a near wipe out on the treadmill, smile, and hum as she began her walk. Jamie would have taken that as a sign she shouldn’t attempt the treadmill that day and done stationary bike or something.

“How are you, Jamie?” Zahra asked.

“I’m alright,” Jamie lied.

“You were, like, insanely good at the match. And so serious. I thought you were angry at West Ham for some reason.”

“Perhaps it’s just. . . general feminine rage.”

“Well, keep channeling that and we might end up at the top of the table.”

Jamie shrugged. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Where was Tessa, by the way?” Zahra asked. “It’s not that I mind Nelle, but Tessa is so much fun.”

Jamie stiffened. For the first time, she regretted sharing her relationship with the team. She had never anticipated having to tell them about a breakup as well. She and Tessa had not discussed what to tell people or how they would navigate working together going forward.

“She, er, is visiting her parents,” she said. “I’m sure she’ll be back soon.”

“You don’t know?”

Jamie blinked back a fresh mist in her eyes. She had cried her eyes out in the car at the hospital the night Tessa officially broke up with her and had cried in bed every night since. But she had been able to hold herself together at training. Zahra’s sweet, concerned gaze made Jamie want to be honest. So she was.

“We broke up.”

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