Page 154 of All Your Hate

“You are never leaving me again. Even if I have to tie you to the bed. I will not lose you again.” His words are strained and tense. All I can manage is to nod in response.

We can fight about it later. He’s far from forgiven. None of what he’s done has been forgotten. But right now I need his presence. This is what I’ve been missing. Him.

Nothing felt right here without him. He’s a part of me now. A toxin that’s wound its way into my bloodstream and there’s no cure for it. But the constant exposure is what’s made me stronger, more resilient.

“We need to leave before the cops find us or we’re burnt alive. Not sure which will come first,” Noah says as there’s another crash upstairs. “What happened?”

“It was Daniella. She started it all and I finished it.”

Noah nods in understanding as he carries me outside.

“You can put me down now.”

“There’s not a chance in hell I’m ever letting go of you again.”

I stare at his face. Taking him in and trying to figure out what I’m feeling. I’m not scared of him. Far from it. I’m definitely still pissed, but there’s something more. Whatever’s been kindling between us is still there and it’s burning stronger than ever.

Although I’m far from being ready to forgive him, I’m also not ready to let him go. I let my head fall onto his shoulder as he once more carries me away from my prison. The difference is, this time I get a choice whether to go with him or not. And I’m choosing him.

34

WYNTER

Six Weeks Later

“Three, two, one, go!” I count down for Summer to jump into the pool. She squeals so loud it makes my ears ring as she cannonballs into the water.

I never got the chance to teach her how to swim until recently. Now she’s a pro at it.

The sun warms my skin as my legs dangle off the edge of the pool.

After Noah came for me at the Abato house he really stuck to his promise of not letting me go.

“Look how long I can hold my breath for, Uncle Bones!” I look up from the tranquil water to see him bringing a tray of drinks and snacks out, setting them on the table. His eyes shift to mine for a moment before he watches her dive back under the water with her nose pinched.

I’m not sure why or when she started calling him Uncle Bones, but the name seems to have stuck.

Summer pops back up, gasping for air and laughing. “How long was that?”

“Hours!” Noah exclaims with a huge smile on his face, but it doesn’t quite meet his eyes. It hasn't since we came home and I told him I needed time to think things over.

Summer giggles and splashes water his way before she swims off doing laps of the pool. I try to watch her, but my attention is on Noah as he circles around the pool and crouches down next to me. Our arms are so close, I can feel the static between us, but he’s not touching me. At my request, he hasn’t since he brought me home. I told him I needed space and rather than get angry he’s given me it. Summer and I are living in the cottage while Noah remains in the house.

It’s for my own peace of mind so I can sort through my feelings without him clouding my judgment, but it’s also his punishment for betraying me. I could scream at him until my lungs give out or fight him for hurting me. This cuts him deeper than any violence ever could. I know he has attachment anxiety after losing his family and it’s cruel to use that against him by separating myself from him, but it was equally cruel to make me believe my sister was in danger. If he doesn't learn from this then I don’t think he’ll ever be capable of change.

For six weeks there’s been a constant ache inside me. I’ve barely been sleeping. My body’s too empty and my mind too full. All I want is to have whatever it was we had back, but I don’t know if I can go back to being that person.

“I have to leave for a meeting soon. Would you both like to come? You two could go shopping then we could get dinner together?” Noah asks hopefully.

“Summer seems pretty happy here.” The rejection hurts us both, but it’s what I need to do to protect myself. Still, as much as I’m pushing him away I struggle to shut him out completely. “Are you finishing up the paperwork?”

He swallows before nodding. I try not to look him in the eye, but his new scar always brings my attention straight to those emerald depths.

“Yeah, just a few more signatures then I’ll be running the place completely.” He seems nervous. It’s going to be a lot more work for him, but I know he’s determined to do it.

With his father gone, Noah’s in charge of the company now. Thanks to Kai’s involvement Noah’s working with a clean slate and no criminals are pulling the strings anymore. He has plans to tear down any property that was linked to Dmitri and build family-friendly resorts in their place.

“You can handle it. Just don’t be a jerk and you’ll be fine,” I say playfully and his eyes light up.

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