Page 155 of All Your Hate

“Wynnie come race me!” Summer shouts.

“That’s my cue. Good luck today.”

Noah’s eyes travel hungrily down my body taking in my bikini, no doubt memorizing it for later. Will he get himself off to the mental image? It’s what I’ve been doing to him. Six weeks is a long time to go without sex after having it every single day, often multiple times a day. I've tried picturing other men, and even watched porn, but the only thing that gets me off is Noah. It's messed up what he's done to my body and mind.

“Are you happy here?”

Summer looks up from her dinner as the two of us eat at the table in the kitchen.

“Yeah. Why, are you not?” she asks, sounding more mature than I’ve ever heard her before. This year has forced her to grow up fast.

“I am,” I lie since half of me is still missing and I’m too stubborn to get it back.

Summer has everything she needs here. A tutor of every kind, all the video games she could wish for and she sees Charlie and her friends every weekend.

Charlie refuses to visit us here and I don’t blame her. Noah pulled some strings, or more likely flashed some cash, and got her old job back. Her life has somewhat returned to normal.

“Are you going to marry Uncle Bones?” Summer asks me in a sing-song voice and I choke on my spaghetti.

“I’m not sure,” I say flustered.

“What are you not sure about?” Noah walks in at the worst moment. He's wearing a tight fitting black t-shirt and grey sweatpants that hug his toned thighs.

“If you’re going to—” I clamp my hand over Summer’s mouth and she bites me.

“Ouch. Feral child,” I say, shaking my hand and she sticks her tongue out.

“Can you tuck me in tonight? I need to tell you all about the last boss on my new game.” I know that’s code forshow you the last boss,and she’ll be up playing with him for a good hour.

“You’ve finished it already?” Noah gives her plenty of attention and I hate to admit it, but I love to see it. Watching them together feels like everything’s slotted perfectly into place. That is until I inevitably push him away and he doesn’t fight me on it. For once, that’s all I want from him.

“No! It’s so difficult,” she pouts. “So can you?”

“That’s up to your big sis,” Noah says softly as he looks at me and my cheeks heat.

“Sure.” As much as I’ve been avoiding Noah I don’t deny Summer spending time with him. They’ve grown this beautiful bond, one I imagine Noah had with his own sister once and I could never break that.

Summer scoffs down the rest of her dinner in two large mouthfuls then runs past him upstairs to get ready for bed.

“Will you still be up when I’m done?” Noah asks and I have to look away from the longing burning in his eyes.

I shrug. “Maybe. I’ve got a lot of cleaning up to do in the kitchen. Summer wanted to make the pasta from scratch.” I offer him a smile and he gives me one back. God, I want more. I want his smirks and his delicious tongue telling me all the wicked things he wants to do. I want his fingers inside me, soothing me, and his cock making me forget the world exists.

It’s like he can tell just what I’m thinking and what my body needs as his eyes darken, his chest puffing out with each heavy breath.

He takes a step towards me and I blurt out, “You should go.” My voice too breathy to hide my arousal.

As he takes another step towards me, I instinctively step back. His restraint’s being tested and as much as I want to protect myself from him, I want to see him break for me even more. All he has to do is take that next step and make me his again, but it seems he’s grown a conscience recently as he walks away.

I collapse back into my chair and let out a long breath. That was way too close.

I take my time cleaning up the kitchen and when I’m done I grab a book to sit down on the couch with. This is how I’ve been spending most of my nights and I’m sure Noah knows it too. The cameras are still here. I haven’t mentioned them to him. It’s my silent confirmation that I still want him. Maybe it’s cruel dragging him along like this, making him think he has a chance when I don’t even know if he does. I can’t be without him, but I can’t just let him in. The pain from his betrayal cut deep and the wound is yet to heal.

I’m reading a cute little romance set in England to help take my mind off things. It’s made me laugh, cry and feel straight-uphorny at some parts. I’m getting to another steamy part where the main couple are camping with their friends and they’ve just snuck off to fuck behind the bike shed. He's got her bent over a bench and is absolutely railing her to an inch of her life while she loves every second of it. This is way too dangerous to read in my current state. I’m going to start grinding on the cushions soon.

“It’s a spicy one isn’t it?” Smugness oozes off Noah’s tongue and my poor abandoned pussy throbs, telling me it’s time to let him back in. No. I’m not giving in that easily.

“And so what if it is?” I slip my bookmark in so I definitely don’t lose my place for later and set it down on the coffee table. Making a show of stretching my arms above my head and yawning, I mumble, “I’m tired, I’m going to bed now.”

---