Page 31 of All Your Pain

It doesn’t matter, my intent was clear enough and she understood that perfectly well.

Once I've stripped out of my dirty clothes, I carry her into the bathroom to clean her off in the shower. She's long gone, already so deep asleep in my arms that even the water doesn't make her stir.

After I dress her cuts, I wrap a blanket around her and lie her down gently on the floor so I can change the bloodied sheets before tucking her into them. As I lie down next to her she reaches out for me in her sleep. I pull her close and bring the covers up over us both.

“I’m going to take care of you. I promise,” I vow to her as I press a gentle kiss to her temple.

12

WILLOW

My hands grip the edges of the sink as I stare at myself in the mirror.

The marks on my body are a canvas of yellows and greens, reds and purples. An artist's palette of pain. I press down on a bruise letting the pain flow through me.

Can I even blame Dean for all of it?Of course you can, Willow,I tell myself.

The maniac kidnapped me, used me and has now carved his name into my flesh like I really am just a piece of meat to use. Like I'm his property.

He made it clear.

I own you.

I keep telling myself I hate him for everything but I can’t tell if I’m lying to myself or not.

Dean’s words have been playing over and over in my head since I woke up alone earlier. I’ve no idea how long I slept. All I remember after my body basically exploded all over him was an overwhelming feeling of bliss. Whatever pleasure that he brought out of me completely overrode the pain and I wasinsanely high on it. I could have said anything to him in that state.

It’s like I’ve got an orgasm hangover and the end of the night is missing from my memory.

He thinks I’mhisand maybe I am? This is so messed up. I don’t know right from wrong anymore. I do know he's not going to kill me though. The sincerity in his eyes as he told me that made me believe his words even though I probably shouldn’t.

Pulling back the bandage, I trace my fingers over the deep lines of his name on my body. There’s an underlying sting that makes me wince and I remember the feel of the blade as it made each cut followed by the most intense orgasm of my life.

It’s disgusting how good it made me feel. Who the hell gets off on pain like that?Me, apparently.

It’s getting a lot harder to deny it now but no matter how much he wants the truth I can’t give it to him. I’m not sure why though? A sense of pride maybe or just plain old self preservation?

“Don’t touch them.” I flinch as Dean comes up behind me and moves my hands away, weaving his fingers through mine. He stares at the reflection of his handiwork in the mirror.

This is the first time I’ve seen him since what he did to me. My nerves start to get the better of me and I can feel my body trembling.

He doesn’t look the least bit sorry about it but he doesn’t look smug either.

Unless I’m seeing things, I swear that’s awe on his face. It makes my heart beat even faster in my chest. No one’s ever looked at me like that before.

“You need to keep them clean. Does it still hurt?”

I nod and he reaches above me to grab some things off a shelf.

“Is it a good hurt or a bad hurt?” Dean asks as he turns me around and adds some ointment to the cuts. I hiss from thesudden sting but can’t help but feel something else in my body from the intimacy of him tending to me like this. Now that I think about it he’s always looked after me when I've needed it, even though he’s been the cause of it everytime.

“A bit of both,” I say, wetting my lips. Honestly, I’m not sure how to really describe it.

“Tell me what the difference is.”

“I can't.”

“Try. Imagine I was an alien and had no idea what this could feel like.” He smirks at me, like there’s something he’s not telling me as he delicately places gauze over the wound and tapes it up.

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