Page 30 of Pretend for Me

She whispered, “I’m sorry.” Cassie rose and ran out the back door, where she sat on the steps crying. Hours were spent mourning what once was and mourning what would never be again.

Matthew found her sitting there after the Adams had left, and though he was still angry over the stunt she pulled, he couldn’t help but be happy about being picked. He’d never entertained the thought of being adopted, never wanted to get his hopes up. So now that he had to think about the very thing that the girl who he loved more than life itself was terrified of, he was reminded that being adopted wasn’t a terrible thing. Sure, being separated from Cassie would be the worst possible thingimaginable. But having a family, a real family—being wanted—that was what Matthew wanted.

“Cassie, are you okay?” Matthew asked.

“I’m scared, terrified actually.” Cassie looked up at Matthew, willing him to say the things she needed to hear. The things only he could say.

“Of what, Cassie? This is what’s supposed to happen. It’s going to be a good thing. You’ll see. Soon you’ll get adopted too, and then we can start our lives with a support system behind us. And money!“

Cassie nodded. “I guess you're right.“

His finger lifted her chin that was pointed at the ground. “I’m always right.” Matthew laughed. “I love you, baby.” He leaned in to kiss her on the forehead.

What Cassie didn’t say was that she didn’t need a support system. All she wanted was him. This was actually the worst thing to happen.

Too bad he couldn’t see the girl across from him who wanted him more than anything.

It was weeks before they saw each other again, the longest they had been apart since age four. Still Cassie believed in Matthew and had hope they could make the distance.

16

CASSIE

The clinking of wine glasses filled the silence of the empty room as I polished them for the umpteenth time.

I was killing time as I waited for Audrey, whose shift finished in a few minutes. We had planned to ride the train home together as the nights had gotten darker earlier lately.

I paid special attention to this one water spot that I just couldn’t get off a champagne flute. My mind was preoccupied with the text I’d gotten at six o'clock this morning.

“Good morning, gorgeous! I’d love to take you out to dinner tonight or whenever you’re free during the week. Missed you at the flea market yesterday btw.”

Aiden was certainly persistent and charming at times, but I had been thinking about ending it with him for a while. Sure, on paper he was a great guy. A guy millions of women would kill for. My apathy hadn’t made sense to me until the night before. Even though I had yelled at Matthew, after the shock had worn off, I realized I never got over him. Despite my best efforts to move on with all aspects of my life, I wasn’t ready to date someone who wasn’thim. We had a magnetic pull toward one another thatcouldn’t be explained, but still that didn’t mean we were meant to be.

“Cass,” Audrey called from the other side of the bar, breaking me out of a Matthew-induced haze. “A big party came at the last minute. I can’t pass up the tips, so I’m going to take it. You don’t have to wait for me. Do you think you’ll be all right taking the train by yourself?” Audrey offered. “Or I can call you an Uber.”

“Thanks, but no. The ride will do me good,” I said meekly, grabbing my purse from beneath the bar before I wordlessly made my way to the exit. “It might give me some time to clear my head and all that …”

I pushed my way outside of the restaurant and into the alley. I took a deep breath, trying my best to clear my head as I’d told Audrey. The door had just slammed shut behind me when I looked up and spotted Matthew leaning against the side of the building, his gaze trained on his phone.

As the sound reverberated through the air, he turned his attention to me. I threw my head back and shook it slightly. I felt surrounded as Matthew met my gaze, a look of sheer determination settling in his features as he straightened up to his full height. I’d forgotten how much taller than me he was, and his proximity suddenly felt overwhelming. I had to get out of there.

“Cassie!” he called as I tried to bolt down the narrow passageway.

My name falling from his lips forced me to slow my steps, until eventually I came to a stop. I turned my head so I could peer behind me. Matthew jogged to close the distance between us, his long stride cutting down the space rapidly.

As we stood facing each other, our chests heaved in unison—Matthew’s from running and mine from adrenaline. While he caught his breath, I took the opportunity to observe him up close. I hadn’t allowed myself the luxury the night before, toostartled, and frankly too furious to appreciate what it was like to be back in his presence after all this time. I took in the dark purple circles underneath Matthew’s eyes, a clear indication that he probably hadn’t slept since I’d left his apartment. Not that he ever was good at sleeping.

“Cassie, we need to talk. You dropped a fucking bomb on me and left,” Matthew demanded.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Matthew. I think I was pretty clear last night,” I said directly, darting my gaze to the opening of the alley, spotting several cars racing down the street.

My hands began to tremble as Matthew moved closer, so close I could feel his breath on my face.

“Come on.” Matthew grabbed my hand and pulled me back so we were obscured from the view of any passersby. The alley beside the restaurant was quiet and dimly lit by the moonlight.

“I didn’t come here to fight, Cassie. I just—I just want you to understand that I never meant to hurt you. I had no idea how unhappy you were back then. Hell, I had no idea about a lot of things it seems.” He worked his hands through his hair, tugging on the ends in his obvious frustration. “I also wanted to tell you again how sorry I am. I don’t think I conveyed that very well when we spoke, but I was shocked by everything you’d unloaded on me.”

He took a step toward me, reaching up to use the tip of his finger to turn my head so our gazes met. “But the one thing I really need you to know, the one thing that I’m absolutely certain about—I always knew that I loved you. That I love you. What you do with this information is up to you. I just thought you should know.” He looked me square in the eye, waiting for my response.

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