Page 61 of Our Final Encore

Her brows furrow together the way they always do when she’s confused. “Are you nuts?”

“Maybe,” I shrug, a slight smirk forming on my lips.

She backs up so that I’m no longer touching her. “We don’t even know each other anymore, Alex. We’re practically strangers.”

I know she’s being more logical than I am, but I refuse to believe that. We could never truly be strangers. “I’ll be here for you in any way that you’ll have me. I’ll do whatever it takes to be a good dad. We’ll be a family.”

I think a tiny smile appears on her lips, but it’s gone too fast for me to be sure I wasn’t imagining it. “I don’t want the baby to wonder who his dad is, or feel like his dad isn’t interested in being a part of his life.” The breeze blows tendrils of brown hair over her sad eyes. “I can’t let you walk in and out of our kid’s life the way you walked in and out of mine so easily.”

Her words maim me to the core, I can’t argue or tell her that she’s wrong, though, because she has every right to feel that way. I haven’t given her any reasons to trust me.

I know how hard it was for Opal to grow up without a father figure. Always wondering who her dad was and why he didn’t want to stick around.

“I promise that won’t happen,” I say with as much conviction as I can, but I know my promise falls flat. “I want to be a part of my kid’s life, I want to be a part ofyourlife.”

She sits down on my doorstep, and I sit beside her, close enough that our arms brush against each other. She pulls her arm away so that she’s no longer touching me, as if the contact will somehow cloud her judgment or change the situation we’re in.

“Maybe we could try co-parenting. We could see how it goes.” Her face is somber as she stares at the small space in between us.

I don’t particularly like the idea, but I’m not in any position to argue. “Is that what you want?”

She peeks over at me, studying my face. “I want to be sure that you won’t break my kid’s heart the way you broke mine.”

The idea of having a child with Opal doesn’t scare me as much as it probably should, I just never pictured it happening like this.

“Okay. Then that’s what we’ll do.”

FORTY

Alex

Still in complete shock, I pace the floor of my bedroom. I tried to get Opal to come inside and talk with me some more, but she refused, claiming that she needed to get back home to her grandma.

I reach for my phone and tap on Dax’s name in my recent calls list. The line rings three times, and I’m about to hang up, figuring he’s still asleep. It is still early as fuck.

“Hello?” His voice isn’t groggy like I expect it to be, so I guess that means he was already awake, thankfully.

“Hey.”

“How’s it going, man?”

I rub the back of my neck. “I’m…okay.” My voice is weak, it sounds unfamiliar even to me.

“That doesn’t sound very convincing,” he chuckles. “What’s up?”

Ever since the day we met in Austin, Dax has been a big part of my life. He’s one of my closest friends, but in a way he’s morelike a brother now. He’s six years older than me and I’ve always looked up to him, even before we ever met.

Not only did he help me grow immensely as an artist, he could also relate to my experience as a queer person growing up in a rural area. Without him, I’m not sure how I would’ve gotten through these past few years.

“I’m dealing with some shit.”

He’s silent for a moment. “Do you need me to come up there?”

“Nah, man. You don’t need to do that.”

He and his partner recently adopted a kid, he stepped back from touring about a year before I did so he could focus on his family. The last thing he probably needs is to get distracted by my bullshit.

“I’m here for you, you know that. Is it your dad?”

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