Page 33 of Burning for the Truth

“I’m not mad. What you do and who you do it with is none of my business,” I reply coolly even though he’s right. I don’t want to think of him with anyone else even though I have no right to those feelings.

He steps closer, almost nose to nose. “You’re lying.” He searches my face for a crack in my armor.

I step closer so there’s no space between us. “I don’t tell lies. It sounds like you made your move with her and I’m happy for you.”

He scoffs and laughs humorlessly. “I was on duty and checked her detectors, one of the other guys was with me. We were in and out in a matter of about fifteen minutes. This dinner she keeps wanting to have with me is her idea, not mine.”

“So go. You might have fun. You might even be able to give your heart to her and be happy. You won’t know until you try. What do you have to lose?” My chest is aching as I say the words.I don’t mean them.I want him to be happy, but not with her.

“You.” He slides his hand into my hair at the base of my neck; his stormy gaze blazing with fury and passion. “I stand to loseyou. Chelsea’s nice, but she’s not you. I can’t give my heart to her or anyone else. You have it. You took it a long time ago.” His breath fans my face as his lips lightly brush against mine.

He brings both hands to either side of my face as I lean into him for an instant, my body and my heart responding in every way, until I think about all the ways this can go wrong. “No. You don’t mean that. And even if you did, we can’t.” I take a step back with my hand placed firmly on his chest as if it will keep him from coming closer.

“The hell I don’t. But if you don’t want me, then I’ll back off.” He takes a few steps back as if demonstrating what he means.

My heart squeezes painfully. “It’s not that I don’t want you. This isn’t only about me and you. If we take a chance and we fall instead of fly, we risk hurting other people too,” I admit honestly.

He comes closer and pulls me into his arms. “We won’t fall. I won’t let go. We can do this if we’re in it together.Hold on to me, Briella. Don’t let go.”

His lips crash down on mine as he pushes me toward my bed, and I know with certainty I’ll do exactly as he says. I won’t let him go. I don’t think I ever truly did.

We collapse on her bed. My mind is yelling at me to stop, but my heart is soothing me and telling me I’m where I should’ve been all along. I’m too far gone now, whether I deserve her or not—I can’t fight the pull between us.

I break our kiss and gaze down at her. Her golden-blonde hair is spread out on her teal sheets. I kiss her forehead, her eyelids, the tip of her nose, and my tongue trails down the slope of her neck. She turns and offers it to me, and I kiss and nibble before sucking the same spot lightly.

She squirms beneath me and raises her hips in search of mine. When she connects with me and feels my hardened length at her center, she lets out the sexiest little moan, but it’s almost as if she’s in physical pain from how much she wants me. I nip gently at her breast still covered by her shirt and bra and she runs her hand through my hair. I can feel her nails grazing my scalp. I drop another kiss to her swollen lips. “I can take the pain away, sweetheart. I promise I’ll make you feel good.”

She nods before pulling me to her. In a matter of minutes, we both strip out of our clothes. We’re skin to skin, and nothing has ever felt more intoxicating. I touch every inch of her. I’m determined to commit everything about her to memory. She’s already burned so deep into my soul I may as well be branded.

She runs her hands over my skin too, not hesitating in the least when her fingertips brush over my scars from the night that changed everything. I flinch when she reaches my left shoulder without thinking. It’s bruised from the impact of my fall after the blast. I try to recover, but she’s quick. She pushes me over and onto my back. She straddles me and presses her wet center against my aching length. She searches my eyes before leaning over and placing kisses on every inch of scar she sees. “Don’t hide your pain from me. It’s not yours alone to feel.”

I wrap my hand around her neck and pull her down so I can kiss her lips. My other hand palms her bare breast and she lets out another moan into my mouth as her tongue flicks against mine.

She wraps her slim hand around my length and lines herself up before sinking down on me. I force myself to keep my eyes open so I can watch her. Her lips part and her eyes are hooded and darker brown than normal. She’s the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen. “BB, are you on birth control?” I ask in a raspy voice as she moves on top of me.

She nods as she continues to move. I growl and turn her over without breaking our connection on the verge of losing control at the thought of being with her bare like this. My arms are wrapped around her, cradling her to me as I rock us both with a steady rhythm. I feel her tighten around me. “Are you ready, baby?”

“Yes, Dean. Please don’t stop. I need you.”

Her breathy confession is all I need to take us over the edge. We both chase our pleasure, and as she’s about to cry out, I kiss her lips capturing her moans, pulling me along with her. I pump the last of my release into her. I’ve never felt so alive and so free—even as guilt tickles the edge of my conscience. How can something so right, ever be wrong? I’ve done nothing wrong…have I? No. I’m going to be different for her. I meant it when I said I wouldn’t let go. She’s all I’ve ever wanted. I only need to somehow come to terms with the guilt over how she came to be in my arms this way.

Bouncing on my feet, I take another swing as sweat drips off my nose. My gloved fist collides with the punching bag swaying in front of me. I wipe the sweat from my brow and get in a few more hits. Wally’s reopened about a month ago. While we haven’t all come here together like we did before…I still stop by to work out and release some frustration as often as I can manage since it’s open again.

Everyone says there was nothing I could’ve done; it’s not my fault. Little do they know my guilt is drowning me. We should’ve gotten out before the collapse.Punch.I should’ve been able to see it coming and push him out of the way.Punch.It should’ve been me instead of him.Punch. Punch. Punch.My muscles scream in protest, and I feel the burn.

I only stop when someone grabs my shoulder. I face the direction the hand is coming from and see Hawk staring at me while my chest heaves from exertion. I thought I was alone in here. Briella went to Valley B this morning after we woke up, so she’s safe with her brother and Tate. She’s staying most of the day to spend time with her niece, Aria. I thought coming to the gym would be what I needed to clear my head. Turns out, it reminded me of all the ways I’ve failed.

“Are you okay, man?” Hawk asks with concern laced in his voice.

“I’m fine,” I tell him as I take my gloves off and walk toward the locker room to shower. He doesn’t drop it and trails behind me. Hawk sees a lot; he hears a lot. Of all people, he probably knows secrets about every one of us. His intense green gaze is what I find when I glance up from grabbing my shower stuff.

He leans on the doorjamb and crosses his large arms. Hawk is one man I’d never want to have mad at me. “You’re lying to me. You were wearing that bag out, the only thing is, it isn’t the bag you were focused on. Do you want to talk?”

I put my things on the bench in front of me and then stand back to my full height, meeting his determined stare. “I really don’t.” I run a hand down my face. “Look, I appreciate your concern, and honestly, whatever you’re thinking is probably right, but I don’t feel like talking about my feelings.”

He shakes his head and glances at the floor before looking back at me. “Don’t bottle it all up so tight you explode one day, man. You should talk to someone. You have plenty of people who care about you and are willing to listen. There’s also doctors you can talk to. Therapy is nothing to be ashamed of.” He turns to head back into the workout area but stops short. “It isn’t your fault. There are things we can control in this life, and then there are things we can’t. Once you accept that and believe it’s true, you can finally forgive yourself. And if you ask me, there’s a certain blonde who needs you to do just that.”

I stare at his back. He knows he’s got me and doesn’t move. “I don’t know how,” I admit.

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