Page 34 of Burning for the Truth

He faces me again. “I’ve seen the way you change when her name is mentioned, but until the other night when she took off on one of the horses and you followed, I wasn’t sure if your demeaner changed out of misplaced guilt or something else. Turns out it’s something else.”

My brows slam together in confusion. “What’s something else?”

This time he smirks, but it isn’t cocky. It’s a knowing smirk. “Simple, you’re in love with her.”

“What makes you say that?” I ask, stunned.

He chuckles. “Believe it or not, I’ve been in love before, and I know what it looks like. If I had to guess…there’s some history there, but it’s none of my business. All I’m saying is, don’t get so wrapped up in your own head—in this senseless guilt—you lose what’s right in front of you.”

“You can’t lose something you never had. She was never mine, remember?” I grit out even though my heart has always claimed different.

“Oh, she’s yours all right. Anyone with eyes can see it, except you it would seem,” he adds.

He lets out a breath. “I know you’ve gone through something horrible, but don’t let it burn up your life. You have so much to live for.”

“I’m not thinking about harming myself,” I snap quickly.

He holds up both hands in surrender. “I didn’t say you were; I simply mean don’t let your guilt and regrets keep you from living your life to the fullest and pursuing the happiness you deserve. Because if you don’t let go of what’s holding you back…you’re really not living at all, even if your heart beats and your lungs breathe.”

He flashes me a kind smile, one seeming strange coming from him because he’s always so serious. To be honest, I’m surprised he read me like he did just now. We talk and hang out occasionally, but it’s not like we’re close. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he’s speaking from experience, but none of us know what his story is. Sure, he grew up here, even if he was a little older, but once he left for college…there’s not much he’s told us.

I don’t say anything more, I simply nod as he walks away and grab my shower stuff to go wash off the sweat I worked up while doing exactly what Hawk said…blaming myself for the pain I feel…the painshefeels. I step under the hot spray and let it cascade over me. My left arm and shoulder are particularly sore, not only from the workout or the recent fall, but from the scars it’s now made up of.

I bow my head and silently pray I’m not about to burn the one woman I love more than anything else in this world, even if she doesn’t know it—even if I’ve scarcely admitted that fact to myself. But it’s true. And I know with certainty, we’ll either paint the world with beautiful colors and make everyone around us wish they had what we have or…we’ll set the world on fire with all the pain and heartbreak we’ve endured, leaving nothing but gray in the aftermath.

All I can do is hope and pray we don’t burn everything to ash. I meant it when I told Briella I wasn’t letting her go. I’ll hold on to her in happiness and all the madness that may come along. If I’m lucky, the only fire we’ll start will be the desire that always ignites between us when we’re together.

Dean’s been gone most of the day. I rock on the porch with a glass of sweet tea next to me as I stare out over the rolling hills of Valley B Ranch. I’ve spent the day playing with Aria and helping plan Lucy and Tate’s wedding. Ivie went to put Aria down for a nap a few minutes ago. Lucy rode back to their house in Tate’s truck to put all the wedding stuff up.

Tate and Sterling should be coming back any time from checking the fence line in the north pasture. Apparently, someone appears to have cut it. Needless to say, the fact someone breached the fence has us all on edge. I haven’t told Dean yet. Tate found it earlier. Hawk had already left when Tate found it, so he called him to come back and help make sure all the cattle are accounted for in that pasture, which is what they’ll do when he gets back along with the other boys who work here after school.

It isn’t dark yet, but it’s not far off. Whiskey and Gypsy are in the stable for the evening and the feeling something bad is on the horizon settles in my gut like lead. Ivie comes back out and sits beside me. “I’ve got supper on the stove. When the boys get back, we’ll eat.” She pauses before adding, “We’ll have plenty. Why don’t you ask Dean to join us?”

I lean my head on the rocking chair and close my eyes as thoughts of Dean play through my mind. My experience with men is limited but I’ve never been touched the way Dean touches me. The thought both calms me and makes my heart beat faster at the same time. He was my first love and my first broken heart. I don’t want to fall for him again, but I’m afraid it’s too late for that now. My guilt eats at me for entertaining having a relationship with Dean which is anything more than physical, not only because of Drew’s memory, but because of Sterling.

“I’m not so sure that’s the best idea,” I tell Ivie. Sterling hasn’t fully accepted Dean seeing me as anything more than a little sister type because of their friendship. I don’t think I should force him to be in our presence too much right now.

Ivie huffs out a laugh. Then she says, “Sterling will be fine, Bree. Don’t let your brother be a deciding factor in what you could have with Dean.”

“I never said I wanted anything with Dean. We’re just…he’s just…” I don’t know how to continue because even though I love Ivie, talking about Dean with her is a tad awkward, warranted or not.

Her eyes are kind, and her smile is understanding. “Bree, I think if you give Dean a chance, a real one without your brother’s influence or the guilt you’re carrying about moving on from Drew’s memory, you two could be the real thing. You could be perfect for each other and be the missing piece you’ve both been desperately trying to find.”

I stare at her, and for the first time in a while, I feel hope. Maybe she’s right. Maybe everyone who’s said this to me in a roundabout way recently can see something I haven’t opened my eyes to. Perhaps I should…Boom!

Ivie and I both flinch as it registers what the noise was—an explosion. Aria starts crying and Ivie stands glancing from me to the house to the stables. I look at her and back to the fire now blazing in the stable. My chest heaves with emotion, but I quickly turn it off. “Go grab Aria and get back outside and away from any of the buildings or vehicles! There could be more!”

“Bree! You can’t go in there!” she shouts as she backs toward the front door.

“I can’t stand by and do nothing. The horses are locked in their stalls. Get Aria and call 9-1-1!” It’s my last statement before I take off running for the stables. Over the hill I see the four-wheelers, but Tate and Sterling are too far away. If I wait, the horses won’t survive…if they survived the blast at all. The closer I get, I hear them kicking and neighing nervously.

I have a light, button-up shirt over my tank top, so I take it off and cover my nose and mouth before I enter the stables. Whiskey and Gypsy are in the back stalls. I hear tires crunch and doors shutting right as I’m about to go in. I don’t stop to see who’s coming. “Bree!” I hear muffled shouts and footsteps slapping the ground in an effort to stop me, but I’m inside now.

I stay low and make my way toward the horses. I cough and feel heat unlike anything before threatening to swallow me whole. I know it’s only a matter of minutes before everything goes up in flames due to what’s in here. I finally reach their stalls and Whiskey kicks at hers nervously. She moves to me when she sees me. I cluck my tongue and reach for her. “Hey, girl. It’s all going to be okay.” Her coat is soaked with sweat. I’m able to get her stall open without much effort and she takes off like lightning for the door.

I turn to Gypsy’s stall, and I see the whites of her eyes. She’s terrified. My heart breaks witnessing her fear. Horses are beautiful animals with the sweetest spirits. Well, all I’ve encountered anyway. My thoughts flash quickly to Buttercup, my first horse, and all the memories I made with her, and all she helped me get through. Gypsy nervously neighs at me as if telling me to hurry. I look behind her and see fire catch on the hay behind her.No.Fear clings to me and spurs me on. “I’m getting you out, girl. Try to calm down for me.” I cough again as the smoke gets thicker. All the hay in here will ignite and it won’t take long to burn completely.

I reach for the latch on her stall door, and it’s jammed. I work with it, and as I do, some beams fall on the other side of the stable causing a loud noise much like the explosion did. Gypsy rises up on her back legs and narrowly misses kicking me. “Whoa, girl. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got ya,” I tell her reassuringly.

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