Page 28 of Bright Blinding Ruin

Another sigh comes from me. “And you know what else? Besides the whole saving the world thing, I feel… conflicted.” I don’t know if conflicted is the right word, but it’s the one that leaps to the front regardless.

Conflicted about what? The root of it all. The golden bastard himself.

“The only way I can save Laconia and the people that are left is if I beat Invictis—which, you know, the other empresses couldn’t, so I don’t know why everyone thinks I’ll do better. And, yeah, he fucking deserves what’s coming to him. What he did, all the destruction, all the death, he should get his golden ass handed to him.”

I turn my head to the side as my left hand touches my other wrist, where the tattoo used to be, where Invictis used to be, when he was Rune to me.

“He lied to me. Tricked me. He is literally the worst. I hate him, but at the same time… I don’t. He’s not human. He’s not even really a he. He’s some ancient weapon that some stupid idiots unleashed. Technically, they’re the reason this ishappening. They’re the reason Invictis is out. He’s a weapon doing what he was made to do.”

I stop touching my wrist and bring both hands to my face, hiding myself even though I’m alone and I’m not really talking to anybody. “He was all I had for so long, Dad. My only company. I thought he was the only one on my side for so long. Fuck, I’m so stupid for thinking…”

For thinking what? For daydreaming about what Rune would be like if he had a body? For convincing myself he sounded jealous when I got close to Frederick and kissed him? Am I stupid for reading more into things when it’s clear he was using me the entire time, manipulating me like…

Well, like a master manipulator.

If he was a real guy, if the situation wasn’t as crazy, I’d know enough to give him a big fuck you with both middle fingers. But this isn’t the real world and Invictis isn’t a real man. The situation is crazy as hell, and even now, I can’t help but miss his presence. It’s like a part of me is missing.

Fuck it all to hell. What’s wrong with me?

I drag my hands off my face as I chuckle into the darkness. “You know, it’s probably a good thing you’re not here right now. I don’t even think you’d be able to snap me out of this.” Seeing as how I’ve said all I need to, I roll onto my side and whisper, “Night, Dad. I love you, and I miss you like crazy.”

I’m exhausted from traveling so much, even with magic pushing me to move faster, so sleep comes effortlessly. What is not effortless, on the other hand, is the effort it takes to make it so Invictis is not the last thing I think about before falling asleep.

Chapter Twelve

I must fail in my don’t-think-about-Invictis quest, because instead of a pure, black sleep, I wake up in a dream… or however it works. I find myself sitting on the roof of Frank’s bar, a cup of ramen in my hands. The night sky is dark above me, littered with stars, though their intensity is downplayed thanks to the lighting from the street below.

It’s like a weird,déjàvu memory. Everything is exactly as it was the night I saw the flash in the alley across the street. The same cars are on the road, the same people walking by on the sidewalk. Lot of college students, excited to go out and drink, party it up while they can.

I sigh as I set the bowl of ramen to my right, and I wonder if I would’ve been like them, if I grew up with a normal family. A mom and a dad who didn’t die. Hell, I’d even take one loving parent. Something. Anything.

I’m not alone up here, for a heavily accented voice speaks to my left, “What a peculiar place.” He does not sound aggravated or like he’s trying to be hurtful; just stating what he believes to be a fact.

He must be standing a little behind me, while I sit with my legs hanging off the edge of the roof, because I can’t see him, even with my peripherals. Which is fine; I don’t need to see him. I know exactly what he looks like.

Super tall, blond, blue-eyed, built like a fucking sculpture, with an aged-up face that doesn’t even belong to him.

When I don’t say a word, Invictis muses, “Where is that fire, I wonder? You are the one that called me here.”

That makes me groan and glare at nothing in particular. “I didn’t call you here. I can’t do this shit. If I could dream of whatever I wanted to dream of, the last place I’d want to beis here. The night I first met you.” If I sound annoyed, that’s because I am.

I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to have this conversation with him. I don’t want to talk to him at all. Seeing him, talking to him… it makes things harder on me. I have to keep reminding myself he’s not a man and that I hate him.

Because I do. I really do hate him.

But I also… don’t.

“If you could be anywhere you wanted, where would you be, then?” Invictis asks, sounding bored, like he doesn’t really care about the answer either way.

“I’d be at the zoo, with my dad,” I whisper, staring at the alley across the street, at the place where everything changed. Honestly, I don’t know why I bother entertaining any sort of conversation with him. Sooner or later I’ll piss him off, get myself pissed off, and then we’ll be at each other’s throats, unable to do anything because this is just a dream.

Invictis’s voice is way too serious as he whispers, “As you wish.”

The familiar scene around me fades. It starts with the buildings across the street and the alley, then moves to the road and sidewalks. I move off the ledge as the world literally morphs in front of my eyes, changing until I see a tiny girl skipping in front of her dad to get a better look at the glass in front of the elephant exhibit.

My heart nearly stops when I see my dad’s smiling face walk by, right in front of me. My head turns as I watch him catch up to the girl—me. The little Rey practically body slams the glass, and my dad scolds me and tells me not to do that, that it might startle the animals.

“Oh, my God,” I murmur, unable to say anything else.

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