Page 57 of In the Light of the Moon

No, he would tell me when he was ready. I’d asked Granna more questions on the nature of shifters, wolf ones specifically, and with each conversation, I understood more and more how personal their other form was to them. Sacred.

So, I wouldn’t pry. I trusted him, and I hoped that he was understanding that he could trust me, too.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Orion

Juno was sitting at a table outside with me so I could chain-smoke. The morning after Sylvie spent the night at my house, I’d made the decision to quit. Though she still smiled pleasantly every time she sat with me while I smoked, I sensed whispers of disgust and unease when she eyed the cigarettes when I pulled them out.

But after she’d admitted that I hurt her—bit her—in a fit of mindless, raging defense the night we met, I’d been smoking more than a pack a day.

With her no longer working at Vinny’s and taking a few weeks’ break before her new job started, she’d been spending more and more time at my house. I rubbed a reverent hand over my shoulder, feeling the mark she’d given me, even under the fabric of my sweatshirt.Mate, mate, mate, my mind chanted.

And she didn’t even know it yet. Even without that knowledge, she couldfeelmy claim on her, as technically unfinished as it was, and she’d asked to claim me, unprompted. I didn’t deserve her. She needed better than a coward like me.

“What’s got you down, my friend?”

Juno wasn’t a habit smoker, but they bummed a cigarette from my proffered pack. Though the act usually made me feel less alone, it wasn’t doing anything for me now. Their look of concern and brightly colored blouse and coat were hurting my eyes.

“I fucked up. Still am fucking up.” I eyed the passersby, though there were fewer of them since it was a fairly cold day today. November was nearly upon us, and gaudy halloween decorations littered every shopfront downtown. Juno and I, though, ran exceptionally warm, so we were both comfortable to smoke under the cloudy skies.

My travel mug kept my caramel latte, a drink I’d started ordering at the recommendation of Sylvie, and I took a nervous sip of it. Though my metabolism was faster than a human’s, the caffeine couldn’t be good for the churn of anxiety that I was feeling.

“How so?” Juno took a sip of their tea and then a drag of their cigarette. Talking to them about Sylvie was awkward. It was a frustrating set of boundaries we had to maintain, especially now that the head of the department was aware of my relationship with her. Like I’d predicted, I received no reprimand for being with her, but I was reminded in a lengthy lunch meeting about my responsibilities as a professor and the need to retain said boundaries when interacting with my colleagues. I’d also been tasked with relaying these guidelines with Sylvie.

Though it made no sense to me, Juno still prohibited me from using Sylvie’s name during these conversations, as if that would somehow make it easier for them to remain impartial.

I stubbed out the spent cigarette and immediately picked out a new one. Juno’s expression didn’t shift as they watched me, but my free fingers still tapped where I had them propped on the table.

As had been the case for the past few weeks, the smoking and stimming did little to soothe me. The only thing that worked was being around Sylvie, which made sense given our bond, now. She’d broken my skin, drawn blood, and… without realizing, I’d done the same to her. Every time I reminded myself of this, a renewed wave of guilt washed over me. Her scent still hadn’t changed in the way that would signal an impending shift, but she deserved to know that my feelings for her went past love.

I relayed all of this to Juno, professional boundaries cracking with my need for advice. I never wanted others in my personal life, but it wasn’t like I had other Wolves I could ask. Besides my mother, at least, who was probably the reason I felt so hesitant to tell Sylvie the truth in the first place. I’d had enough therapists growing up to realize that.

“Without asking for more details, I know thatyouknow you should tell her. Especially given your concern about her changing. Though, it does sound like it didn’t take.”

“But what if it happens again? What if I accidentally…”

They lifted both hands, “I don’t want details. At least until the semester is over. But, she deserves to know, Orion. You’re doing your mate a disservice by keeping this from her. And only prolonging your agony.”

My eyes met and then slid away from theirs. I took another drag from my cigarette.

Juno clucked their tongue and made a comforting noise like how I’d heard my mother do for my younger sister. “What’s she doing now? Maybe you should just tell her today. Rip the band-aid off?”

I turned my head over my shoulder, exhaled smoke, “She had a doctor’s appointment, then lunch with her friend.” Last Monday, while we sat outside reading together, Sylvie mentioned her intention of getting a birth control implant later in the week. That fact alone didn’t make me startle inthe slightest—I’d remembered my mother’s frantic call when she realized Ramona was sexually active and then Ramona’s subsequent texts complaining about our mother and asking me how to tell her that she wanted to get on the pill. My dry responses to both of them swiftly ended both conversations, but I was well aware that it was something females had to consider. Not that I had any intentions of coming in Sylvie.

Oh, butshedid, I realized when her scent shifted and revealed an unspoken meaning beneath her words.

Juno shook their head while they stubbed out their spent cigarette in the ashtray between us, “I said I didn’t want details, Orion.”

“How are you going to give me advice if you don’t know what’s going on? I trust you to maintain professionalism with my mate. And I don’t have anyone else to talk about this with.”

They heaved a heavy sigh, “You can’t expect to be with her long-term and not ever have to tell her why you won’t… finish in her.”

I rubbed the heel of my palm over my eye. “Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“You’re thinking too hard on this, Orion. It isn’t like you to hold secrets, which is probably why you feel so conflicted. But, evenIcan smell the power within her. She knows about and is developing her abilities, which means that she will scent it on you if she doesn’t realize what it is already.” They twined their finger around a long, black strand that’d come loose from the messy bun at the back of their head. “Do you want her to find out for herself? Or have someone else tell her?”

“Her grandmother seems to be granting me the courtesy of telling Sylvie myself.” I’d been invited over for dinner twice at Sylvie’s so far. Though I could tell she much preferred having dinner at mine so that we didn’t have to fight the inevitable urge to tear each other’s clothes off, her grandmother hadinsisted. And both times, I’d been nearly vibrating with anxiety, wondering when her grandmother would stand from the table and announce me a Wolf, only to push Sylvie to sever our bond completely.

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