Page 56 of In the Light of the Moon

She fully looked up at me, now, and I exhaled, seeing the small smile on her face. There was a hint of fear still in her eyes, but there was something else there, too. Maybe hope. Maybe excitement. “Don’t be. I’ve been trying to avoid it, but… maybe it would help. To learn about all this. To maybe not feel crazy for once?” She gave a tinkling little laugh, and my face split into a grin.

“You’re already my sister, but maybe we could be coven sisters?”

She raised a brow, looking me up and down, but her smile just grew, “Sounds real kooky, but I guess I’m down. Beats worrying that I have schizophrenia, right?”

Not wanting to give her another moment to start reconsidering, I leaned toward her excitedly, “Okay, so, we’ll have to start with?—”

“What’s up ladies?” My blood drained then began to boil. No, no,no.

“Hey Graham,” Josie rolled her eyes and looked over to where he’d stopped beside our table. He held a bag, presumably of takeout, in one fist and the other in his pocket. Though Josie had been the one to respond, his eyes were on me when I finally looked up and over.

The smell, my nose wrinkled, face screwing in repulsion. It was like…

Wet dog.

Wet dog and something else that had my body screaming to back away. To move.

Instead, though, my hand relented to another instinct that reared its wrathful head. The steak knife that’d been brought out with my grilled chicken felt like a good enough weapon, and I was suddenly clutching it in my fist. The heat coursing through me was almost exactly the same as during the incident that got me sent to counseling in the first place. When I’d snapped a ruler and held it to the bully’s throat before I realized what I was doing.

Back then, all that was in danger was my emotional wellbeing, my pride. Something about Graham, though, made my self-preservation alarms blare. Something about him made me believe he intended to harm me. I stood, holding the knife at my side. Graham was almost a full head taller than me, but I would bet he’d crumple in pain if I decided to strike.

Granna really needed to teach me some offensive magic if this man was going to keep coming around when I’d already made it known that I wanted him to leave me alone. And if what I saw between Orion and him at the police station was any indication, Graham already knew that I was Orion’s.

“What’re you gonna do with that, witch?” Graham’s deep voice made my stomach turn, but before I could show him exactly what I’d been fantasizing about, Josie shot up from her seat and stood between us.

“Hey, okay, how about you leave us alone, Graham? Before she cuts your balls off or something.”

He just chuckled, and I wondered what his wolf form looked like. Was it grotesque or large and imposing? Both? Was the taunting green of his eyes, so different from my Orion’s, the last thing Kara saw before she died?

“Your runt of a mate can make all the threats that he wants, and you can draw all the blades thatyouwant. But you both should recognize who’s really in charge here. Be glad I haven’t whipped both of you into line yet.” And then he sauntered away, head and shoulders thrown back in cool, arrogant calm.

I wanted to kill him.

Not shove, not slap. After the incident at school, the counseling helped for a while. The breathing, the processing, the strategies to remove myself from stressful situations. But the heat never went away. Sometimes it would take me completely off guard—a snide comment from a classmate could send me into planning how to smash their head into the concrete block wall until it split and oozed. But then they would walk away, and the guilt for my murderous thoughts would crush me. So I cowered and tried to smother it. When my tendency to succumb to the swell of rage subsided, they’d all seen it as a resounding success.

Admittedly, it just made me more aware of the need to bottle it up. To stuff it down to the point that it exacerbated my anxiety.

My father was gone, though, and I doubted Granna would care. I seemed to get the urges from her, anyway.

No, if I weren’t brandishing a knife in front of the few lunch-goers that watched our interaction with wide eyes, and Josie hadn’t stopped me, I might have truly lunged at him. Because, while I was sure that Orion had nothing to do with Kara’s death, Graham very well may have.

“Okay, girl, let’s drop the knife,” Josie more so just pried it out of my hand. After tossing it back onto the table, she stood in front of me, searching my eyes. “Will it help if I say I’ll join your coven?”

Though my face was still flushed with white-hot rage, I was able to see through it enough to tear my gaze away from the door Graham disappeared through. “Yes.”

She ran her hands over my arms in a soothing gesture, but then her eyes went distant. Far away. Was this seeing? I remained silent, anger draining out of me while I watched her undoubtedly have a vision.

When her eyes focused on me once again, I was far too scared to ask what she saw. And she didn't offer. Instead, we sat back down to pay our bill, and we stumbled into our usual rhythm. She asked me how many pregnancy scares I’d had to convince me to ‘finallyget on birth control,’ and I asked her how long she’d withstand that horrendous hair color before she’d change it again.

After we paid, we left and opted to walk for a while and take in the Halloween decorations. The brisk air cooled my heated skin, and the clouds calmed my anger that was still flaring each time my thoughts were idle enough to think of Graham. Josie prattled away, talking about her work projects and possibly seeing Keith again, and whichever else, and I tried to keep my father’s disappointed face from popping up.

When I’d had my few years of trouble at school, he hadn’t met my behavior with anger. Just disappointment that felt gray and sludgy, and, at thirteen, I promised to keep it in check. Even though the breathing and the reasoning just felt like a flimsy, damp bandaid that I tried to reinforce with layers and layers of anxiety. Worry about the repercussions had been a powerful enough motivator as a child, and as the years rolled on, I had many more things to be worried about to keep the lashing out at bay.Until now, I guess.

Josie and I rounded a corner, and I caught sight of white, bouncy curls. My neck heated, my shoulders dropped, and my smile appeared without any coaxing. The last time we’d spoken, Orion had acted a bit funny when I mentioned that I was starting birth control, but all that was wiped away when I saw him tilt his head, wrinkle his nose, and began to search the passersby.

I wondered what his wolf form looked like. Would he want to show me? Would he ever tell me?

The anxiety that threatened to roll in like dark, thunderous clouds cleared with the sunshine of Orion’s smile. Just from seeing me.

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