Page 13 of Full Send

“Ugh… yeah… V. We love you, but she’s got a point. You need to unwind,” he says with a faint sigh followed by another small shudder, clearly trying to erase the thought from his mind.

Damn.

“Oh screw you guys. We are not havingthisconversation. Yes, I would love to have a partner. But no, I don’t need toget fucked.”

“Oh yeah. We can putget fuckedon your itinerary, right next to find Lizzy a cowboy.” Collin laughs at his own joke, but Lizzy and I aren’t as amused, collectively glaring back at him.

“Ok.That’s harsh, Collin.But V, I mean come on… it certainly wouldn’t hurt,” Lizzy says with a wink, “just something to think about.” She makes a quick kissy face at me, sassing me as always.

“Ugh. Enough already. Can we just not guys?” My patience is wearing thin now. “I get where you’re coming from. But also, one night stands just aren’t my thing. I don’t want to just hook up with some rando. You know me better than that.”

After rejoining them at the dining room table for another glass of wine, ok maybe a glass and a half afterthatconversation, it’s time to take the curry off and serve it. I get up from the table and head over to the kitchen.

Opening the pot, I inhale deeply. Spicy and aromatic, a hint of sweetness from the coconut milk and palm sugar. It smells wonderful, perfect for a cozy low key dinner on a cold night like this. Looking outside the sliding glass doors along the back wall of the condo, snow is starting to fall steadily on the deck.

“Well, dinner is ready,” I say with a sense of pride. “Alrightgirls,come grab a dish and serve yourself.” I announce as I turn to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc to replace the empty one at the table.

At last I can head to the dining room table, dish of curry in one hand, bottle of wine in the other.

We’re all hungry and clearly thirsty. It’s been a long day. Dinner smells and tastes amazing. Collin and Lizzy must feel the same way. I haven’t heard a peep out of them since pouring their wine, as they dig in. I let out a sigh and a quiet content smile takes over my face as they enjoy dinner.

My brief moment of peace is interrupted though by another thought creeping into the back of my mind.

Maybe… they’re right?

My head has been in a better space since we got here, but it’s

still a mess. Maybe I do need toget some. It’s been forever since I’ve had a release, well one not from my own fingers or nightstand drawer partners. Fuck. I do wantthat.

Chapter 6

Tanner

Plow

Nights like this are pretty much my winter norm. My route usually starts in town with a few condo complexes and houses on the outskirts. Then I finish up around the mansions off Moose Wilson Road between downtown Jackson and Teton Village, not too far from my cabin. On the nights before big snow storms, I go out to pretreat their parking lots, long driveways and private access roads. I normally hit them again the next morning before the crack of dawn to plow them if needed too. Always with Rex by my side.

The roads out here get pretty sketchy. It sucks, but the town stops plowing after 9:00 PM and lowers the speed limit for safety. So if I can manage it, I don’t like to be out later than I have to and I don’t see much at night besides the occasional wandering moose or black fox.

It gets pretty lonely and is definitely a killer for my social life. Not that I really have one anyways.

Most of the transplants that have moved in are either fancy, big city types that are only here part of the year, old wealthy retirees, or some intolerable Silicon Valley tech bros whining about their stock options not vesting sooner, whatever the fuck that even means. It’s harder and harder for a kid that grew up here, didn’t go away to school, and has rancher grandparents to relate to anyone that’s left in town.

Even my brother and sister left with my parents for the last years of high school, because they wanted to go to college in Salt Lake City. They were always way better students than I was. After graduating college, Grace stayed in the Salt Lake City area, getting a good job and able to afford her own place a couple years later. Clay wanted to stay too. He was in the middle of his competitive ski racing training and Park City was the perfect place for him to be. And my dad, well he wanted to stay with Clay and Grace after we lost mom.

I end up feeling like an outsider in the place I was born and raised. I’ve barely ever left this place my whole life. The farthest away I’ve ever been was down to Salt Lake City. I miss my friends and my family so much. I’ve even thought about leaving too, but my grandparents are still here, at least when they aren’t staying with the rest of the family in Salt Lake. Plus I’m fortunate enough to have a place that’s paid off. I feel like I owe it to the family to keep it.

Sometimes I just feel so alone, so depressed.

I get overwhelmed and I don’t know who to talk to. No one ever asks how I am, they just see the happy face I put on, but that’s just me trying to convince myself everything’s ok. Even if I did talk to someone, I doubt they’d care or listen. Who would even notice if I was gone? If I moved to Salt Lake with the rest of my family or got hurt out on the mountain, would anybody here even notice?

Whatever, most of the time I’m fine. I have it easy, or at least that’s what everyone thinks.Oh Chap. It must be so fun and awesome doing whatever you want, whenever you want out in the mountains. Being carefree and adventurous all the time, never having to be serious. I’d kill to live that life.

I know I shouldn’t be complaining about my life, but it still bothers me that no one takes me seriously. It always feels like I’m that silly goofy boy to everyone around me. Like no one actually sees me.

They don’t see that I work hard. I’m getting paid decent money to do my property management and plow work. Sure, I have plenty of time for skiing and toying around in my workshop on my knives on the side. And skiing has always been second nature to me and this job is pretty mind numbing. So the knives are a challenging, creative outlet to keep my mind working, and keep it from thinking about the people that I miss or shit that’s bothering me.

But when I’m driving the plow, I have time to really dig into my thoughts, which can be good or bad depending on the night.

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