Page 12 of Full Send

Collin is back in a minute handing them over before slinking back over to the couch, enjoying the fire that’s blazing away now.

Good knives in hand, the rest of the prep work goes smoothly. Lizzy tries to help in the kitchen, but she’s mostly there for moral support, glass of wine in hand. I do let her cut some of the veggies so she feels like she’s making a contribution. After a while she takes note of the tool in her hand, looking at it as she flips her wrist over looking at each side of the blade.

“Wow. Collin’s friend’s knives really are nice. I mean they aren’t as pretty as the ones back at the shop but even I can tell a difference.” She looks over at Collin, rolling her eyes.

Yeah, Lizzy. That’s why we keep them put away until we’re here.

As I’m finishing up cutting the chicken, I notice Collin’s box of protein bars on the counter. Ugh. My mind drifts back to work. Their packaging is terrible, all single use plastics, generic graphics. I think about Earth SnaX and feel a small sense ofexcitement, even pride, over what we have ready to propose for them. The presentation is just a little over a week away now and I still keep thinking about Jeff screwing it up somehow.

As my mind drifts off to the presentation and work emails, I’m brought back to reality as I feel a sharp pang in one of my fingers.

“Ah shit!” I yelp, realizing I nicked one of my fingers with the knife.

I drop it, and it clangs off the counter towards the floor. The razor sharp tip digs itself into the wooden floor, handle pointing back at me, landing precariously between my foot and Lizzy's. Shit that was close.

“V! You ok in there?” I see Collin rushing over, obvious concern on his face.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Nothing serious. Just go get the first aid kit,” I say, holding my finger in a paper towel, applying pressure.

“Where’s your head at girl? I’ve never seen you mess up in the kitchen. And you nearly took off one of my freshly manicured toes too!” Lizzy says, looking a bit frazzled as well.

“Sorry guys,” I say as Collin returns with the first aid kit, “my mind drifted off to work for a bit and I guess I just zoned out.”

At this point, my finger is bandaged and I can get my mind back on track to finish making dinner.

“Alright. This kitchen is too tiny and I don’t want anyone losing a toe,” I say, kicking Lizzy and Collin out.

They sit at the dining table like kids in timeout, still in view and conversation range, but no more need for their help in the small kitchen.

After combining the last of the ingredients in the pot for dinner, I’m finally able to take my glass of wine and sit near them on the couch in front of the fire. Sitting down with my feet up, I can relax while waiting on the curry. Should only be about thirty minutes or so with the heat simmering low.

The pain in my finger is now a dull ache drifting away.

We chat for a bit, thinking about the day shopping in town, and the day of skiing ahead of us tomorrow. Sitting here on the couch, catching up and bullshitting with Collin and Lizzy while they sit at the dining room table, I’m taken aback by the scene.

The way they’re laughing and chatting, across from each other at the table, glasses of wine in hand. I know they’re not a couple, but they look like one.

It reminds me of when Collin and I would be playing in the living room in front of the fire as kids. Our grandparents would enjoy a night cap, reminiscing about the day, their lives, sitting at that very same dining room table, in the same seats Collin and Lizzy are now. Smiling, laughing, just in love, no signs of it slowing down over the years.

God I want that.

It’s amazing being here with Collin, and now Lizzy, but I want more. I want someone to cook with in the little kitchen. I want someone to stand on the balcony with, watching the sunrise. I want someone to sit in front of the fire with, holding me as we doze off after a long day on the slopes. I want someone to share this place with.

Their love seemed perfect and timeless. I remember Grandpa even had Grandma’s engagement and wedding ring custom made for her because he always said nothing at any of the jewelry stores was worthy of his dream woman.

“Hey weirdo. What’s up? You’ve been oddly quiet over there,” Collin says as I snap back into the moment.

Shit. I’ve been daydreaming about finding love and staring off at Collin and Lizzy a bit too long I guess.

“Oh. Yeah sorry. I’m not sure where my head is at today.” No lie there. Even though I feel a sense of relief and calm being here, my head is still all over the place.

“Uh oh. I know that look,” Lizzy says, looking at me shaking her head. She’s got a glass of wine in one hand, finger to her lips, and a wide grin forming. “You need to get laid, V. You’re stressed the fuck out. Your head is a mess. You nearly just took off one of my damn toes.”

“Eww, Lizzy. I’m right here,” Collin says, covering his ears and shuddering. My face is already bright red as I cringe at this back and forth unfolding in front of me.

“Come on, Collin. Like… look at her? Don’t you have some weird twin connection? You’re probably the only one that knows her better than me.” Lizzy gestures at me, hand outstretched, palm up, waving it as if telling him to look at whatever…this…is. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

Ouch, Lizzy. She’s not totally wrong though. It has beena whilesince I had any intimate encounters. After my last serious relationship ended years ago, I’ve been afraid to put myself back out there. Sometimes I debate what’s worse, being alone or the fear of dating. And it sucks, because fine, Lizzy is fucking right. I do have needs. I do like sex. No, I love it. But the idea of a random meaningless hookup, ick. I want it with someone that I feel a real connection with, someone that ignites sparks in me and makes my skin tingle. I want someone that I feel like I can trust too.

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