Page 42 of Penalized Love

I’m so close.

My thighs begin to shake, and my breaths come in short, sharp pants in between the animalistic noises I’m making. He doesn’t let up, and soon, I’m flying off the deep end as my orgasm crashes over me.

He works me through it, his tongue only slowing down as I come down from my high. When I finally catch my breath, he presses a soft kiss to my inner thigh before standing up.

“If you ever need my services again, you know how to contact me.” He kisses me with such passion that I not only taste myself, but I feel lightheaded. That could also be the result of the mind-blowing orgasm he just gave me. When he pulls away, he walks over to the door and says, “I plan on making up for lost time.”

With that, he leaves me in my childhood bathroom with more than just a physical mess to clean up.

17

ISLA

Imentally replay the interactions I’ve had with Asher over the past week.

On the one hand, I can’t help but smile every time I think about him giving me his coat and the Skittles on Saturday. Deep down, I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way. He’s my ex, the one who broke my heart and made me build these walls around myself. Nevertheless, I can’t deny that I appreciated the gesture—or that I swooned a little when he made sure I was warm, even though he didn’t have to.

And I can’t even think about what we did in my parents’ house during the team bonding event. The way he looked up at me with his head between my legs almost made me have another orgasm. It made me forget, just for a moment, all the reasons why we shouldn’t have been doing it. I have no regrets outside of wanting more of him, not less.

Damnit, Selene and Hailey. More so Selene, but that’s beside the point.

I sigh as I use my key to unlock my dorm room. Thoughts of Asher evaporate as soon as I’m greeted by the icy glare of myroommate. She barely acknowledges my presence before turning back to her laptop, choosing to type loudly on her keyboard.

“Oh, you’re back,”she says a few seconds later as I put my bookbag down near my desk.

“That I am,”I reply, taking off my coat.“Hope you had a good day.”

I don’t want to be nice to her, but I can’t help but be polite because I don’t want things to get worse between us.

She snorts, and I can feel her rolling her eyes even though I can’t see her face.“As if you care.”

I bite my tongue, holding back what I really want to say. It’s not worth it to engage. With a sigh, I run a hand across my face and realize it’s been a while since I shaved the hair that grows on my chin. It’s one of the many perks of PCOS—unwanted hair in all the wrong places. I try not to let it bother me, but sometimes it feels like one more thing I have to deal with, as if everything else isn’t enough.

I’ve asked Dr. Patel about some remedies for that and will be trying a medication soon.

Making a mental note to do that the next time I shower, I sit at my desk and pull out my laptop. I brush it off, focusing instead on the pile of homework waiting for me. I have a couple of papers that are due in the next couple of weeks, and I want to at least start them, so I’m not rushing at the last minute. At least that’s the hope, because who knows how much I’ll actually procrastinate.

I settle in at my desk, open my laptop, and try to concentrate on the assignment in front of me. But my mind keeps wandering, and the tension in the room makes it hard to focus. The clickety-clack of my roommate’s furious typing is getting on every last one of my nerves. Instead of pouring gasoline on an already burning fire, I dig into my bookbag, find my Bluetooth headphones, and try to enter my own world. Once I put theheadphones in my ears, I find my go-to homework/study playlist and press play.

I take a deep breath, attempting to center myself. I can’t let her get to me because I have work to do. She will not be a distraction.

The music I listen to time and time again does something to my brain. It is helping to drown out the bitchy vibes that are attempting to slap me in the face, thanks to my roommate. I open up the syllabus for my media and society class and download the PDF I’m supposed to read for class, which will help with the paper I need to write.

I force myself to focus on the words before me, trying to absorb the information about social media’s impact on modern society. It’s an interesting topic, one that I can relate to as a college student and as a photographer who shares my work online. But even as I read, my mind keeps drifting back to Asher and what has happened between us.

No, I can’t think about that. What I have to do is stay focused on my studies. I highlight a relevant passage in the PDF, wishing I had printed it out at the library so I could write some notes in the margins. I force my attention back to reading because I need to make progress on this assignment. The words blur together as I try to concentrate; my mind still wanders to thoughts of anything but the document in front of me.

After what feels like hours but is probably only thirty minutes, I can’t take it anymore. Although I haven’t been back in my room for long, I need to get out of here. I know I need to find another place to study and do homework because I can feel Tessa’s negative energy from here.

I save my work and close my laptop, stuffing it into my backpack along with the rest of the work I need to do. I grab my coat and head for the door, not bothering to acknowledge my roommate as I leave. The cool evening air hits my face as I stepoutside, and I take a deep breath, feeling some of the tension leave my body.

I start walking, not really sure where I’m going, but I need to move. The campus is quiet at this time of night, which I don’t mind at all. The library is a great place to go, where I can get some work done and find the quietness I’m craving.

I pull out my phone to check the time. Selene sometimes works the late-night shift at the library, and it would be nice to catch up with her, but it’s not late enough. Then again, if there’s a chance she’ll be there tonight, maybe I’ll stay there until she’s done with her shift and take the couch in her room. The idea continues forming in my head as I text Selene.

Me: Hey, are you working at the library tonight?

Selene: I am. What’s up?

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