Page 94 of Sidelined Love

36

LEVI

The hospital room is quiet except for the steady beep of the machines that are in front of me. I stand by the bed, looking down at my father, whose face is softer as he gets the rest his body so desperately needs. It's strange seeing him like this—vulnerable and human for lack of a better word. It's a complete one-eighty to how I've envisioned him my entire life.

It's been a couple of days since I got the call from my mother about my father’s heart attack and although I've spent countless hours here, the shock hasn't completely worn off yet. Between trying to be here for my mother and still doing my best to keep up with school and hockey, I’m swamped. Thankfully today is Saturday, and we don’t have a game or practice so my focus is on being present at my father’s hospital bed.

Dad is going to be okay even if all of the machines that he’s hooked up to say differently. He’s only napping now and with some changes in lifestyle once he leaves here, he’ll be able to live a normal life. I have to remind myself this isn’t the same thing that I had to live through when Caleb was connected to every machine known to mankind before he died.

I check my phone to look at the time. Nine in the morning. I send Mom downstairs to get some food and to get some fresh air because she’s been by his bedside since they let us come in the room with him. Hailey is probably preparing for the chess event at Oak Terrace right now. I decide that right now is the perfect time to send her a quick text.

Me: Good luck at Oak Terrace today. I wish I could be there with you.

Hailey: Thanks, I wish you could be too. We’ll speak after?

Me: Absolutely.

As I’m putting my phone away, Dad stirs. He blinks open his tired eyes, and they finally focus on me.

“Levi.” His voice is barely a whisper, but I hear him loud and clear.

“Right here, Dad,” I respond as I pull up a chair to his bed and sit down.

His eyes scan the room, then meet mine again. “Where’s your mother?”

“She went downstairs to get something to eat and to take a small break.”

“Ah,” he says as his gaze narrows. “You're missing your game,” he says, his voice sounding somewhat strained.

I shake my head. “No game today. The only place I need to be is right here.”

He thinks about that for a moment and his gaze drifts to the window where the sun has painted the room in a soft, warm light. “You should be out there, practicing… training…”

“It's okay, Dad. Hockey's important, but you're my priority right now.”

“Even after everything I’ve done?”

I can hear the regret in his words, and I’m taken aback by the stance he’s taking. The role reversal leaves me stunned as I try to find the right thing to say.

“We all make mistakes, and you need to focus on getting better.” I reach out and place my hand over his. The last thing I need right now is for him to get stressed out depending on how he’s trying to steer this conversation.

For a moment, he's silent, just staring at our hands. Then he gives a small nod. “You're a good son, Levi. Better than I've deserved.”

“Don't talk like that.” The words slip out before I can stop them. “You've always pushed me because you wanted the best for me. It's… been hard to see that sometimes, I guess.”

“That’s no damn excuse. What you said after the game the other night is right. I shouldn’t have been trying to force you to live up to the legacy Caleb left behind.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. This is the most open conversation I've had with my father in a long time, if not ever.

“I need you to trust me to find what’s best for me,” I confess, holding his gaze. “And maybe I can still make you proud by doing that.”

He squeezes my hand weakly. “I am proud, Levi. I always have been, even if I haven’t always shown it.”

I'm not sure how to respond. All of this is new territory for me. I've spent years trying to gain his approval through hockey, pushing myself to the limit to be the best. But now, here in this hospital room, all of that is unimportant.

“I appreciate you saying that,” I finally reply. “I know having me succeed in hockey has always been important to you.”

He nods slowly. “It's time for me to let go of those expectations. You need to chart your own course. Hell, if youwanted to quit hockey today, I’d be sad, but I would support you.”

---