Page 78 of Sidelined Love

“Definitely. She challenges me, makes me want to be better.” The admission feels heavy on my tongue, but it’s the truth. “However, she doesn't want to have anything more than… whatever is going on between us.”

Asher throws himself into a seat near the window before he says, “How does that make you feel?”

My head involuntarily jerks back before I side down into the aisle seat next to him. “What are you, my therapist?”

“Your deflection isn't going to work here.”

I sigh. “It sucks because I really like her. But I get it, you know? She doesn't want to be mixed up in going public with me and is dealing with her own shit.”

“Even if it's not something you want.”

“Yes,” I reply, though every part of me screams otherwise. “I'll take her anyway I can get her.”

“But how long will you be happy with just having a piece of her?”

Asher's question hangs in the air because I'm not sure how to respond.

Deep down, I'm afraid to admit the truth—even to myself. The possibility that I'll never be satisfied with a small part of Hailey bothers me, but the alternative—pushing for more and possibly driving her away—is a risk I don't want to take. I'm determined to follow her wishes.

“I don't have the answer,” I finally say.

“Fair. You know what? Why don't you come over to our place and blow off some steam tonight?”

The invitation is enticing to say the least. The thought of spending time with good friends and forgetting about my troubles for a while is a welcome relief.

“Sounds good. Let me know when you want me to show up.”

“Deal. Let me shoot Knox and Blaise a text to clarify a couple of things, but it should be fine.”

I nod, grateful for the distraction. We ride the rest of the way back to campus in a comfortable silence. As the bus pulls into the parking lot, I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. Without looking, I know it's likely my father, probably with something to add to the criticism he spewed at me earlier. I have no problem ignoring him.

When we get off the bus, Asher pulls me aside and says, “I'll see you later tonight, right? The guys said maybe you can come over in forty-five minutes.”

“Sounds good. See you in a few.”

We part ways, and I head toward my SUV. Once I throw my bag into the back seat and I get situated in the driver's seat, I drive back to my apartment on what feels like autopilot. It's not until I park and drag myself up to my place that I'm tired. Butthat's not stopping me from going to Asher, Knox, and Blaise's place.

I dump my stuff on the couch and fall into it in an attempt to release the tension from my body. I close my eyes for a moment and that turns into thirty minutes. Luckily, I wake up before I need to leave because I refuse to stay here all night.

Asher's right. A change of scenery and some time with the guys outside of hockey will do me some good.

I change my clothes, deciding to dress in a well-worn pair of jeans and a warm Crestwood hoodie. After, I double-check to make sure I've grabbed the essentials—my wallet, phone, and keys. After closing my front door, I lock up my apartment as I gather my second wind, determined to put this hellish day and week behind me.

30

HAILEY

My apartment is silent except for the low voices coming from the latest reality television show that is more so watching me than I'm watching it. It is Saturday night and I'm enjoying my time alone.

Jade tried to convince me to go out, but I had a date with a book I've been meaning to finish. I'm curled up on our couch, wrapped in the knitted blanket Jade's grandmother made for her. Since Jade has no issue with me using it, I have no problem laying underneath it.

The cup of hot chocolate I made before I sat down is tempting me and, in a flash, I'm bringing the drink up to my lips. I take a sip and as the warmth spreads through me, I can't help but think that this is the perfect evening.

That is, until I start thinking about Levi. Despite my best efforts to ignore the impact he is having on my life, my thoughts have drifted toward him more often than I would like.

I know he has a hockey game tonight, but I promised myself I wouldn't check how the game is going. After all, I wouldn't understand what was going on outside of what the final score for both teams would be. Yet the urge to check is still strong. MaybeI'll read for a bit and then go pull up the game to see what's going on.

I adjust the hold I have on the mug so I'm holding it with both hands, and I take another sip of my drink. When I'm done, I place it back on the coffee table and turn my attention to the book in my lap.

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