Page 18 of Big Nick Energy

It was crazy. I was a man who lived and thrived off logic and facts.

This was our first date. The odds were stacked against us.

The age difference alone was a big hurdle, plus the fact she’d dated my son. But I didn’t care because at the end of the day, she was mine. I knew where this was going because it was where I wanted and needed it to go.

Blanca was mine, and fuck anyone who thought they could take her from me. I’d burn the world down before I let her go. It was just a matter of time when she came to the same conclusion.

I knew she was attracted to me. I’d had my suspicions when she was with Noah. The way she watched me and blushed, and then there was that day in the mall.

But today? It confirmed it.

After checking out and having someone help put the tree into the bed of the truck, we headed out to my place. The drive wasnice and smooth. Having her sit next to me, holding her hand while I drove us home, felt good. Felt right. Felt like my future that would last forever.

I unloaded the tree, and she helped bring in the two bags of tree trimmings and the wreath. I put the tree next to the big window in the living room where she suggested, and before we started to wrap it in lights, I made us hot chocolate. Trimming the tree together was great, and by the time we were done, lunch was delivered.

I’d DoorDashed a variety of Thai dishes from my local favorite spot. We ate a late lunch in the theatre room while we watchedThe Family Stone. I’d never watched the movie, but I couldn’t understand why this was a holiday movie other than the fact it took place during Christmas.

The family was a mess. The little sister was a pain in the ass and kinda mean to the girlfriend of one of the brothers. There was something happening with the matriarch that no one was talking about. But by the way Blanca stared at the screen with an emotion-filled gaze, you would think she was watchingA Wonderful Lifefor the first time.

I didn’t quite get it. Yet, with her sweet body pressed against mine, I didn’t care what we watched. I loved the way she shook with her soft quiet laughter when the stoner brother said something crazy. Her head turned, and our eyes connected.

“What do you think so far?” she asked quietly, even though it was just the two of us. My hand over her shoulder played with the ends of her hair.

“There is something sad about it,” I noted, not trying to shit all over what seemed like one of her favorites.

“Hmm, interesting,” she mumbled. I turned to the screen and then back at her.

“Honestly, I don’t know how this is a holiday movie.”

“You gotta keep watching. You’ll see. I promise. It’s the best!”

“Is the mom sick?” I asked, trying to see if my suspicions were right.

“You want me to tell you even if it gives something away?” Her head popped up with her eyes shining bright at me. I nodded because I couldn’t get two words together. Looking at her was like trying to look at the sun straight on. Magnificent and so beautiful it hurt. But it hurt more to look away.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “Breast cancer.” I lost sight of her. She turned and started to tuck herself into the crook of my side, burrowing in deeper, like she couldn’t get close enough. And I wasn’t complaining. Then she surprised me as she kept talking.

“But even in sadness or uncertainty, there is beauty. I promise.” Her observation felt deep and soulful.

A hell of a lot more mature than other people her age.

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s dumb, but I just… I love this movie.” I glanced down, and she wasn’t looking at the screen anymore. She was looking up at me, her dark eyes slightly glassy. This movie meant something to her.

“It’s not dumb.” I swallowed. “It is a sad movie, though,” I mumbled then winked. She playfully rolled her eyes and shook her head. I lost sight of her beautiful brown eyes when she turned to watch Sarah Jessica Parker’s character start to talk.

“It’s not sad. It’s real,” she whispered before taking a deep breath. “Life and death, it’s so… uncertain and final at the same time.” Her head rested against my shoulder. I held her close.

I didn’t like how mature she sounded in that moment. She was still young. Shouldn’t she be filled with hopes and dreams and outlandish goals? Isn’t that how you were supposed to look at the world when you were nineteen, almost twenty?

“You know what I like most about this movie? I mean, it’s sad and melancholic but…”

“What, baby girl?” I kissed the top of her head before taking a deep breath of her shampoo. It smelled soft and feminine with a hint of coconut.

“It reminds you that, sure, life and death happen, but it’s all the stuff in between that counts. The good and bad. The crap you think is so crazy important when at the end of the day, it honestly doesn’t matter. It’s the moment that matters. Being in the present before you look back and realize it passed you by. Does that make sense?” Her eyes were wide and bright.

I couldn’t help myself.

I lifted her from her seat and pulled her onto my lap. “What was important to you? When you were little? Let’s say at Christmas time.”

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