Page 112 of When The Rain Falls

"Feels like it," I mutter. My hands begin to shake and I can feel the box vibrating against my knee. Tyler notices it, too. He takes the box from my hands. But I don’t feel any lighter.

"Not everything in your life has gone according to plan. I'll give you that. But you didn't fuck anything up. Nothing was your fault. The shoulder injury in college that ended your pitching career. Not your fault," he says. I lean my head against the wall, which suddenly feels like the only reason I’m standing.

"Laurelwas not your fault," he says quietly.

"Tyler. I should have?—"

"No," he cuts me off. "No should haves. Laurel wasn't your fault. The baby wasn't your fault."

"It was a boy…" I finally disclose. The words are just coming out now. Years of words pouring to the front of my brain. "We found out at the last hospital stay when they were running tests."

"Finn…" Tyler squeezes my shoulder again.

"I hated that they told me. I was furious that they told me. It made it all harder. That's all I knew about him. That's it. Not his eye color. Not whether his nose had Laurel’s curve. I hated them for that, the doctors."

From my spot against the wall, at the top of the stairwell, I watch the late September sun filter through the front windows, creating bright spots on the carpet. I focus on the pattern, focus on my breathing, and wait for the discomfort in my chest to fall away.

"Finn. I don't want to make light of what you went through. But, it was nine years ago. You can't keep living back there. You gotta be here. Now. The girls need you here."

"I know. Fuck, I know," I say.

"Most importantly.Youneed you here."

I run my hands through my hair and think about what he just said.

39BETTER NOT MUCK THINGS UP

AIMEE

The evening has beennon-stop comedy hour. Or, in Finn’s words,a goddamn shitshow. Tyler, Finn, and Jenna are constantly ribbing each other. At the dinner table, Finn and Tyler took a bite before Missy could say grace and she made them empty their mouths into paper napkins. Lars acts like he’s checked out, but it’s clear that nothing gets past him.

They’re loud, irreverent, and a constant source of laughs. But above all, the thing I love about them most is that they don’t have a predetermined idea about who I am. About my failings and weaknesses. It’s freeing. To have space to be the person you are now, without the shadows of your past threatening to swallow you whole.

They’ve just brought me into their circle. And I like it here.

I’ve never met anyone’s family before. If there are rules, I’m pretty sure I’m breaking them. I’m pretty sure I broke them the moment I stepped out of the pantry and waved hello.

“I’ll take that,MadamPantry.” Tyler winks and drops into an exaggerated bow before collecting my dinner plate. He adds it to his ever-growing stack and walks them into the kitchen, right past where Missy is fussing with the oven.

I don’t miss the dirty look Finn gives him.

"Dessert anyone? Aimee?" Missy's voice cuts across the room.

"Oh God. I'm so stuffed. Your eggplant parmesan was too amazing," I tell her as I pat my belly and lean back in my chair.

"Finn? You won’t say no. I made your favorite. Apple pie," Missy exclaims. Something tells me that Finn is not allowed to say no.

"Of course, Mr. Baseball likes apple pie. Isn't that so cute," I coo playfully at Finn. He held my hand during most of dinner, letting go only to help pass dishes around the table. Or to squeeze my thigh. Or brush my hair back from my face. Or to sneak a highly inappropriate hand between my legs. Or to lean close and whisper in my ear.

Tyler noticed all the PDA and tried to give him a teasing look. But Finn grunted obscenely at him and that ended the teasing. He’s been standing near me all night, like he’s afraid I’m going to bolt or something. The way he’s protective over me makes my heart melt in my chest.

"I'm notcute. We talked about this," Finn harrumphs back to me. The chiseled features of his face soften every time he looks in my direction. My panties have not survived this dinner.

"Yes you are. So cute." I squish his lips together into a pucker and kiss the thick creases of his lips. When I pull back, I see that Finn’s face has turned crimson red. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to do that?

But then he playfully grabs my wrist with his large hand and snakes a finger into my armpit.

"Stop!" I wiggle free and push him away. He gives me one of his giant smiles. The kind that could melt stars from the sky. I swear, every single time he smiles, I'm at risk of temporary paralysis.

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