Page 167 of Deceitful Vows

My headshake is weak. I don’t want more stupid tears to fall. “No. It was never discussed because I never gave any indication to Dr. Hemway that I was interested in having children.”

“That didn’t change as you got older?”

“It did, but…” Over constantly taking the easy way out, I murmur, “But I would have had to show up to appointments for him to know that.” I stray my eyes to Zakhar’s bedroom door. “I also never really thought about it until now. An hour with Zakhar has me craving things I’ve never wanted.”

As did every minute I spent with Andrik, though I keep that snippet of information to myself.

I often dreamed over the past several months how different our relationship could have been if he hadn’t learned I was infertile. Would he have picked me? Would he have asked for my help to get the answers he was seeking? I want to say nothing would have changed, but my ego won’t allow me.

We had a connection ferocious enough to scald anyone within a five-mile radius of it.

It just burned out far sooner than I had predicted.

“I think I might go lie down. I’m feeling a little woozy. I didn’t sleep much last night. With the wedding, and then the…” I hook my thumb to Zak’s door. “I’m exhausted.” It is more an emotional exhaustion than physical, but once again, that can remain between us.

Anoushka smiles gently, soundlessly announcing she is aware of the cause of my tiredness. “Do you want me to wake you for dinner?”

“No, that’s fine. I’m not hungry.” I walk partway down the hall so she won’t see my cowardly face when I say, “If you see Andrik before me, can you tell him my mother knows Zakhar’s mother? They’ve met previously. Perhaps more than once.”

Anoushka’s shocked huff rustles in my ears before she murmurs, “I think he’d rather hear it from you.”

This kills me to say, but it is honest. “He will believe it more if it comes from you. I’m not exactly deserving of his faith right now.”

“And you think he is worthy of yours?” She waits for me to face her before saying, “He’s lied too, but that doesn’t mean either of you are unworthy of forgiveness.” Her eyes glisten. “You just need to forgive yourselves first because that guilt is theonlything holding you both back right now.”

68

ANDRIK

Anoushka implements a disappointed stance when I ask, “Were you there when he said that?”

“No.” Before I can dismiss her from my office with an arrogance that would have seen my bottom paddled when I was a child, she adds, “But I asked Zakhar about it after she left, and he confirmed what she said. Zoya’s mother and Zakhar’s mom know each other. From what I can tell, they’ve interacted numerous times.”

My silence agitates her to no end.

“Andrik—”

“I will look into it,” I interrupt, willing to say anything for a moment of peace.

My head won’t shut down.

My heart won’t shut down.

I’m tired and angry. That is a lethal combination. It isnotthe time to mess with me.

“But for now, I need to do this.” I fan my hand over the files I had couriered to our new location this morning. “I need to find a wife who can birth the next generation of the Dokovic reign.”A federation-approved heir.

I fucking hate myself. I hated myself last night when I tried to push Zoya into admitting that she lied about being pregnant by suggesting an abortion. And I hate myself now for acting like her fertility issues are the only reason we can’t be together.

There are far more pressing issues as to why I shouldn’t think about her the way I do, though none I am willing to share.

“There are ways Zoya can get pregnant.”

“No!”

Anoushka pushes like Mikhail does because she knows she will never face the wrath of my gun. “She donated eggs years?—”

“No!”

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