Page 41 of For Pucking Keeps

“Well, damn. If I’d known I would have brought my books,” Devan says with dreamy sigh that would rivalany overly excited fan. “They are all here for Jaz. This is big, Bailey. Like big, big.”

Bast cuts across the parking lot toward the players entrance, and we follow, jogging to go unnoticed. It doesn’t stop me from pulling out my phone and taking a picture. A feeling of pride rushes up inside of me. It didn’t matter how she got here. What matters is that she did it.For Pucking Keepsis climbing the bestseller charts. At the end of the day, the part I played in the writing of the story was insignificant. Jaz weaved the words into a beautiful piece of prose. It was all hers.

“Oh good, you’re here.” Parker opens the door for the four of us. I smile at him to his utter shock. His wide-eyed stare switches from relief to surprise. “Is he drunk? Why is he smiling? Ridley, Devan, did you drug him? Is that why he’s sporting a goofy grin?”

Bast throws his head back, his booming laughter carries down the long hallway. “We thought about it. We actually considered it when he wasn’t making a move to leave.” He doubles over, wiping tears from his eyes until he sees my smile fade. “Hey, we didn’t though.” He shrugs.

“Drugs, I know that had to be your idea, Ridley.” I shoot him a disapproving scowl, then turn my attention to Parker. “You wound me, Parker. I will always show up for you,” I say as I make my way down the hall with Ridley and Devan beside me. Bast and Parker following behind.

Parker scoffs, “Oh please, you didn’t show up for me, Tor. We all know who you’re here for. She’s on the ice. The PR team thought it would give the readers and hockey fans the full experience. They set Jaz’s table up in the middle of the rink.”

“Where do they want me? The guys are here too, we may as well all sign stuff since we’re here.” I gesture to Ridley and Devan, then to Bast over my shoulder. They all grumble in agreement. Bast in particular doesn’t like to be swarmed, too many fans can be a bit much for him at times. “I’ll even hold your hand, Sebastian,” I tease.

“I’ll be fine, Bailey. I guess I deserve this after the drugging you comment,” he says. We all stop as we reach the entrance to the ice.

I don’t realize I’m moving until Ridley places his hand on my arm to stop me. I know it will be frowned upon if I skip the long line of waiting fans to get to her. Torrance Bailey or not, I know not to get in the way of an eager, enthusiastic fan. But there she is. Alexis Rhodes. A long table sits in the middle of the ice, carpet underneath it and the line of fans, protecting the icy surface below. Stacks of books line one table, with women wearing logo t-shirts moving back and forth passing books to her to sign, then the books are bagged and passed off to readers.

Julia stands a few feet away, talking to our team communications manager as they take in the crowds of people. The PR Team are scurrying around, ushering people to the tables and guiding them off the ice. It’s a well-organized machine. I don’t even think we’re needed. They aren’t here for us, and I am more than okay to be an afterthought in this circumstance.

“Honestly, Parker, are we even needed?” I ask hopefully. “I think I’m going to stand in line and have my book signed. What about you, Devan? You don’t have this one yet, care to be my line buddy?”

Devan whoops in excitement. “I thought you’d never ask! Let’s go!” He pumps his fist in the air and takes the lead, but I don’t follow right away.

“Parker, can I borrow a pen?” I ask as a plan takes shape in my mind.

He pulls a pen from his pocket, giving me a knowing smile. “I don’t know what you’re about to do, but you better make it good, Bailey.”

I walk away confidently to the sound of Ridley and Bast clapping behind me. I have a plan, and I’m not taking no for an answer. I am leaving here today with my Supernova. It’s time I remind her who she belongs too, now and forever.

TWENTY-EIGHT

JAZ

“Is he here?” I whisper to Julia as I take tentative steps towards the signing table. I know there is carpet laid out over the ice, but I am used to taking the ice in skates, that required tiptoeing. I smile as I see my sisters in my logo t-shirts stacking my books on one of the tables in preparation for the readers and surprisingly hockey fans as well. I expected a small conference room somewhere in the building with a few readers coming to see me. I didn’t expect this or the long lines outside.

“Not yet. Don’t worry, I’ve been giving Parker Stone a hard time. He will make sure Tor is here.” She rubs my back as we make our way to the table. My nerves are getting to me, my hands are shaking, and my heart is pounding.

“Do you think he read the book?” I ask anxiously. I poured my heart and soul into the apology I wrote at the end of the story. It was a soliloquy of my truth worthy enough to make Shakespeare proud. I wouldn’t be Jazminne Starr if I didn’t do something dramatic and profound. If Tor read my words, then he will know my heart, know my mind, and understand why I left. I put it all on the page. I didn’t care who read it. I want the world to know. I laid my heart on the line in hopes that today he would seek me out.

“I’m sure he has, Jaz. He will be here though. You’ve left the ball in his court,” she reassures me as I flop down in my chair wondering if I’ve done the right thing. I’ve been gone for months. I ran when I should have stayed.

“But what if he doesn’t come? He. . .he may hate me now for leaving. I’d deserve it.” My voice shakes, my eyes sting, and I know tears won’t be far behind. Ha, I thought I was all out of them, but apparently not where Tor’s concerned.

“Look. You did what you thought was best for you. After the night you had and the fallout from the press, Shaun and his shit afterwards, you didn’t want to drag Tor further into your mess. You protected him by leaving, even if you didn’t know it at the time.

I know what she’s saying is true. Shaun had actually slapped me with a libel lawsuit, stating I defamed his name. It took weeks of going back and forth, even thoughI never mentioned his name in my book. He claimed I lied in my book to make him look bad.

To my utter astonishment it was Mace’s written testimony about their affair that made even the judge give Shaun a serious side eye. With them no longer together, Mace and I finally sat down to have a conversation that was long overdue. We will never be close again, but at least I don’t hate him anymore.

With the hockey season well underway it would have added unnecessary stress Tor didn’t need. I had already done enough, and I know Tor would have bent over backwards to help me, and I didn’t think I deserved his help. After that was done and Shaun’s claim was dropped, I decided to clean up the mess I’d left behind when I moved to Seattle. I sold my house in Texas, finally cutting ties with Shaun completely. I reconnected with my mother and sisters, who supported me during some very dark weeks. I cried, but I genuinely believed I wasn’t worthy of his love after what I did. I wanted to come home, but I was afraid. Afraid of what I would come home to, afraid that Tor wouldn't want to see me again. I’m not afraid to admit my cowardice. I ran. Tor’s words haunted me, digging deep into my psyche, attaching themselves with barb-like talons.

“How can I trust you? You took something already fragile in nature and set fire to it.”

“I’m not strong, Jaz. You’ve broken me, made me weak. I can’t see any other way around this.”

“Don’t. Don’t you dare tell me you love me like this. Not now, not right now, when I don’t know if I believe you. Fuck!”

They ran on a constant loop in my head, to the point where Julia, my mom, and sisters thought it would be good for me to talk to a therapist. Not all my problems stemmed from Tor and me. They were deep rooted issues that were chipping away slowly at my mental health. I was proficient with coping and adjusting my behavior to protect myself, but I learned my coping mechanisms weren’t healthy. Case in point, moving to Seattle and living under my pen name instead of the name my mother and father gave me. Avoiding facing my fears, and running when it all got to be too much. Oh yeah, the list goes on and on. Anxiety and depression are two very debilitating beasts, and I was learning to slay them day by day. By the time I’d spent two months away, I knew that if I ever wanted to return to Seattle, if I ever wanted to return to Tor, then I needed to fix myself, and that’s what I did.

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