Page 68 of Hazel and Elijah Find Out: First They F*cked Around

“Why would you want to?”

“Because I love you.” The words were out of my mouth before I knew they were there. I was exposed in their wake. The only comfort I could take in the silence that followed was that they were true.

Elijah’s chest sank as if I’d hit him, as if I’d punched all the air from his lungs. His face twisted in pain. He stumbled back under the force of my words—of my feelings. I waited, my heart pumping too fast, my vision darkening around the edges.

He loved me too, didn’t he? Welovedeach other. We just hadn’t said it, right?

His green eyes met mine, and I was struck by just how sad they were.

“Is that enough?” he whispered.

My sadness warped into something that froze in my chest, heavy, and brittle. It was something to grasp on to. It was something to fill the aching hole Elijah was digging out of me.

I hugged myself tighter, my teeth chattering.

A fine mixture of dread, regret, and resignation was beginning to squeeze my throat. I had to force out, “Isn’t it?”

He stared up at the sky as if it held answers. I could practically hear my heart breaking like cracking ice. Tears stung my eyes and clung to my eyelashes.

A crease formed between his eyebrows. His features were etched with pain, a marble statue trapped in grief.

“I love you, too.” He bit his lip and his eyes shone.

“Do you?” My last word came out as a sob.

Muscles in his throat flexed. He shook his head as if he didn’t want to say what he needed to say next.

He raked his hands down his face, wincing when he touched his bruise. “There will always be a sermon about how I ruin good people. If you’re around me, people will talk shit about the company you keep. There will always be a Mrs. Nelson interrupting our dinner.”

We both knew it was true.

“So, you’re breaking up with me to protect me? Like I can’t make that choice for myself?”

“I’m not.”

“That’s exactly what you’re doing.”

“It’s going to happen again… if you’re with me.”

“So we can’t be together?” Speaking around the grip on my throat hurt almost as much as the clenching vise around my chest. “That’s bullshit. If you loved me, you’d fight with me.”

The sorrow-ridden resignation fixed into his features was the worst thing I’d ever seen.

He jerked his head to the side and swallowed. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Don’t say that. Not while you’re destroying me.” I was so cold that even the inferno of my anger couldn’t warm me.

“I’m sorry, Hazel.” I could barely hear his words over the pounding of my heart.

“You really fucking should be.” Streams for tears froze on my cheeks. I turned away from him and his beautiful face, so full of anguish. I wanted to give him comfort. I wanted his comfort. I wanted to be mad enough to turn my love to hate, but there just wasn’t enough to offset.

Chapter 21

Hazel

“Iwashopingyouweren’t down here,” Nora said at the top of the stairs.

There were cobwebs in my messy bun. My hands were filthy from moving dusty cardboard boxes around the clinic basement. A layer of dirt between me and everything I touched. Clearing out the basement was a job I wanted to get done eventually, but it shouldn’t have taken precedence over so many other tasks. I’d started opening boxes a couple of days ago, deciding what should stay and should go—mostly go.

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