Page 19 of Calamity Rayne Knocked Up

Who the hell were Iris and Willow? As soon as we were alone, I sent Phina a wide-eyed look and waved away the sage smoke. “Seriously?”

She laughed. “Don’t make fun. Let’s try it. We might discover something great. Gwyneth Paltrow does it.”

“Oh, well then, by all means.”

“Shut your eyes and concentrate.” She bumped my shoulder with hers. “We’re supposed to be manifesting.”

“I don’t even know what that means.”

Seraphina took a deep breath, hummed serenely, and lifted her chin. “It means we set a goal and will it into existence.”

This little rock room would have a bouncer and a line out the door if it were that easy. I mimicked her posture and shut my eyes.

I’d never meditated before, so I wasn’t sure if I was doing it right.

Did I remember to pack my slippers? I wonder if Andrew found my note about Elara’s ear drops. I should text him about that. Are we allowed to use phones here? There’s probably no signal. Someone could murder us down here,and no one would know. It’s giving… ‘put the lotion in the basket’.

Shit. I’m not doing this right.

I shook my head to scatter my thoughts.

My mind is clear. My mind is clear.

There’s a little purple lamp. That’s cozy. How about a recliner?

I got lost in the imaginary decorating of my mind when the door suddenly opened, scaring the crap out of me.

“Seraphina?”

My imaginary room burst into flames, incinerating to ash. Damn it.

“That’s me.” Phina stood, appearing fully manifested and at peace with her experience thus far.

“Hi, I’m Iris. We’re going to have a wonderful experience today. Are you ready?”

“Yes.” Phina smiled, fully embracing this kooky place.

Iris bowed her head toward me. “Willow will be down for you in a few minutes. You can enjoy the sanctuary a while longer.”

“Great.”

Phina and Iris disappeared, and the energy of the stone room shifted from that of a prison cell to a mausoleum. I must be missingsomething.

And why was I thinking about spiders. How did one clean a cave?

There are probably those long centipede things down here…

“Oh, God.” Where the fuck was this Willow chick?

I pulled out my phone, but there was no signal this deep in the earth. “Shit.” I used my flashlight to search crevices for bugs but found none.

My foot tapped anxiously and the strange acoustics muffled the sound, making everything feel closer. I didn’t like it. Nor did I feel serene or connected to the universe in this weird majestic place. I just felt trapped.

But I wanted to feel the serenity. I wanted the Paltrow special. I needed the full manifestation experience to improve my life so I could find complete contentment with the state of things.

I took a deep breath of the musty, cool air and focused again.

Set an intention… I want to be present. I am present. I am in a cave deep in the earth. How far is the subway?—

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