Page 137 of If Only In Our Dreams

Because if there was one thing I wouldn’t tolerate, it was splitting up our family on Christmas. Performance or not. L.A. or not. And Trixie told me she would do everything in her power to help my plan come to fruition.

“THUD!” Jane’s voice echoed through the auditorium, tremulous but stronger even than it had been at home when she practiced. Robin was sitting beside me, a literal armful of bouquets at the ready for the girls. He was dressed in the clothes I’d bought him. A black ensemble, a big puff coat, fluffy black collar.

It was supposed to snow tonight.

Which made me nervous because Robin would be heading to the airport—and I worried about him. I’d wanted to drive him but he’d told me no. He wanted me to spend time celebrating after the performance with the girls, and assured me that he was more than happy to spend the trip with Miles and Bubba.

I didn’t have an argument for that.

Even though it felt a little like he was running.

I figured I’d be chasing him soon enough, however, not that he knew that—so I didn’t worry too much. Even though the thought of being without him even for a few days made me scared.

When the play was over, a line of kids—of all sizes and ages—dressed in varying elf, Santa, and tree outfits stood in a row onthe stage. They held hands and bowed, the roaring of the crowd impossibly loud in the quiet space.

Belleville wasn’t a big town, and yet it seemed like every single member had come out tonight to support the kiddos. People lined the walls, all cheering and clapping. Jason, from the grocery store, stood at the back of the room, whistling—and beside him, Leanne, the bookstore owner, was grinning. She had one of my books in her hand, like she’d been reading during the intermission—and my cheeks burned.

Soon enough everyone would find out that I was the author. It was inevitable now that I’d been spotted with Robin and posted online. But I was…at peace with that. I only spared a single thought for my impending doom, before turning my attention back to the stage.

The twins hunted the crowd for us, the same way they had every time they’d marched their cute butts on stage. Rosie saw me first, her eyes going wide as she stood taller.

Jane spotted me next, her little eyes as wide as her sister’s as a sunny grin split across her face. She didn’t often smile like that, and it always made my heart hurt when she did. Warmth flooded through me as I beamed back at them, so fucking proud of what they’d just accomplished.

“That’s my girls!” Robin screeched from beside me, somehow the smallest, and loudest person in the whole room. I glanced down at him, half-tempted to kiss him just because he was so damn cute. He didn’t have eyes for me though. His attention was solely focused on our girls. “Fuck yeah!”

Rosie grinned, her eyes gleaming like she’d somehow heard his voice above the din of the crowd. She dropped the hand of the girl next to her and made a come hither motion with it—the same way she did every time Robin pulled money out of his pocket for her.

Robin cackled, his giant bouquets crinkling as he jumped up and down, and then he was racing through the aisle, and I was chasing him. The second we neared the stage, the twins were running too, leaping across the floorboards toward us, their sweet little red elf outfits bouncing. Robin dropped the flowers, ready to catch them as they neared the edge.

I grabbed Rosie before she could jump, trusting Robin to catch Jane. The girls were giggling like crazy, their sweet little laughs lighting up the air as Robin struggled to pick up the bouquets while still holding Jane. He managed somehow, and gave one to each of them, accompanied by an adorable cheek smack and a, “congratulations on being badasses.”

And then he handed Rosie two dollars, and she was wiggling in my arms, trying to get to him.

It didn’t even bother me that both the twins seemed to want Robin more than they wanted me.

And why would it?

When my world was a beautiful, wonderful place.

When I had everything I’d ever wanted.

And my heart was full, full, full.

I missed Ben before I even left Belleville limits. Felt like there was an empty hole beside me as I sat silent in the passenger seat of Miles’s truck, my suitcase gathering snowflakes in the truck bed. I hadn’t wanted to be without the things Ben had bought me, and therefore my backpack hadn’t cut it this time around. Miles, because he was an angel, was quiet as we drove through the dark, snow crunching beneath our tires.

I would’ve been excited about the snow, except I knew I wouldn’t get to benefit from it.

“I’m going to miss the sledding,” I sighed, leaning my head against the chilly glass as the flakes came down harder, and farmland and trees blurred by.

“Miss the sledding?” Bubba echoed from the back seat. He’d gotten a bouquet of his own—and was rather proud of himself, sniffing at the flowers where he sat beside Jeremy. I swear to god, I hadn’t seen Bubba without Jeremy attached to him the entire time I’d been visiting.

They looked especially cute today. Jeremy was dressed like a polar bear in all white with his nose painted. Bubba was an elf just like the twins had been, though he wore green and not red. Both of them had winter gear over their outfits, thank god.

“You know,the sledding,” I reminded him, surprised he’d forgotten. “The sledding all the Montgomery’s do? Every time it snows?”

Bubba made a confused sound, and Miles snorted—amused.

“Darlin’,” he said softly, his big hands at ten and two on the steering wheel. “Ben’s a lying liar that lies. That ain’t a thing.”

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