Page 29 of Rescuing Ryder

He swallowed and nodded. Claire took his hand and led him outside the office and down the stairs. Ryder felt the silky skin of her arm brush against him as they entered the hall. The sounds of the residents reached his ears, but it seemed like she led him away from the noise.

“We’re stepping down six stairs now.” She counted them as her other hand gripped his arm to offer support.

The wind blew, and the smell of her hair wafted beneath his nose. The scent of lavender hit him first, then jasmine. No. The jasmine came from her perfume.

“Ryder? Stay with me,” her voice calmed him as they walked away from the sounds of the daily activities. She leaned down, grabbed something from the ground before proceeding, and then stopped.

“Ryder, I’m letting go of your arm. Please focus on my voice and follow my directions.” He felt her fingers glide over his arms slowly. The burn on her hand from the fireplace scraped him lightly as the scorched skin skimmed his. She moved away from him, taking away his sense of peace. Ryder measured the distance between them by the loss of her scent, plunging him back to the barren land and the emptiness around him.

Panic hit him as he suddenly felt alone with the bodies of his friends surrounding him.Gunner lay before him, his gaze permanently focused on the sky above them.

“Claire?” he bit out her name as he swiped the sweat from his lip.

“I’m right here, Ryder. What do you see?”

“I see Gunner and the men from my team. Gunner ordered me to let go of the tourniquet. The bullet nicked an artery, and we knew he didn’t have long. He was my best friend,” he heard the sorrow guttering his voice.

“Did he say anything to you?”

Ryder concentrated on the sounds around them. She didn’t veer to the right to follow their usual path; she went to the left. His heart beat faster and a ringing echoed in his ears. Were they in the woods?

The stillness between the trees struck him as odd. Yet he smelled the evergreens. A far change from the desert sand and the few scraggy trees he saw.

“He talked about Patty and the kids. He left a letter for them in case something happened.” He licked his lips and his chest felt like someone sat on it.

“He was your best friend. Gunner knew you better than anyone. Did he say anything to you?” she spoke softly and he attempted to discover her location.

“He said to live a life worthy of all of them,” he whispered.

“Did he sound mad? Upset? Did he blame you?” She walked closer to him. The scent of her jasmine perfume returned as she grew closer.

Ryder shook his head. “No, he sounded resigned. He told me he would find a way to alert them to my whereabouts,” he confessed to her.

“How did you feel? Did you give up hope? Did you feel angry at him?” she pressed.

He stilled as he processed the feelings he shoved down deep in his gut. “I wanted to die with them,” Ryder whispered. “I failed them one by one. They called me Patch because I rigged things to work until help arrived. I didn’t have anything, no water, no supplies and no ideas on how to save them.” His voice cracked as he yanked off the blindfold and threw it tothe ground. “I’m done. I don’t want to rehash the worst day of my entire life. I deserved to die with them. It’s my fault they suffered. The poor kid, Shortstack, he barely turned nineteen, gripped my vest, begging me to help him and I couldn’t.”

“Sometimes, we can’t control what happens to us in life. It happens for no reason. A drunk driver kills a poor mom. Dads get hit by buses on the way to work. They have no control. Just like you didn’t.”

“I did have control. Gunner waited until I went to sleep to order the patrol to find supplies. I was the strongest one out in the field. They suffered wounds. I barely showed a scratch until they attacked us in the morning. I should’ve gone in search of supplies. Instead, he left with already wounded men. If he had waited, some of them might’ve made it. Because I slept, my brothers died,” he yelled at her.

“Or you might’ve died and left them without any medical expertise at all. Their injuries went beyond basic first aid or combat care. They called you Patch because you rigged things none of the others thought of,” she softly pointed out.

“But it didn’t happen that way.” He grabbed her by both arms and held on for dear life. “I let them down. I didn’t save a single one,” he shouted. “It’s all my fault.” He pushed her away, making her step back to keep from falling on her bottom.

She reached for him. Her eyes pooled with unshed tears. “It happened because Gunner made the call, not you.”

“I failed them. Then, they saved me minutes after he slipped away. Why didn’t they arrive sooner? Huh? Why do I deserve to live while they rot in some stupid grave in a military cemetery and their families receive empty awards for their sacrifice to this country? What the hell?”

She stepped closer. “They knew the risks, the same as you.”

“You think that makes me feel better as I watched them slowly bleed out or yell in agonizing pain? I didn’t have anything to treat the charred skin on their faces and chests.

“What could you have done differently?”

He shook his head. His heart pounded in his chest. The sounds of gunfire echoed in his ear. Ryder clenched his hands into fists. “I don’t fucking know, all right. I tried everything. Nothing worked. Then I woke up in the hospital and they handed me a damn medal. For what? For me to feel better? I don’t feel anything,” he bellowed. “I hope to wake up one day and finally have the strength to pull the damn trigger.” His angry gaze found hers as they narrowed and zeroed in on him.

Claire stepped toward him. Sorrow showed in her eyes, enraging him.

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