Page 39 of Love Me Till Wednesday

‘And as boring as fuck. I know lots about him, and he knows very little about me. Once he’d got my name, he didn’t ask me any other questions about myself.’

‘He could be a nice little distraction in the bedroom, though. He doesn’t need to be Mr Interesting for that.’

‘I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect someone to enquire about where you’re from or what you do. I got the impression he thought I should be grateful for his attention.’

‘So back home to Pete then? Perhaps you should try online dating?’

‘Oh yeah. Then they Google me, and the first article that comes up is about me in my twenties doing a face plant on stage. I can’t think of anything worse. Besides, I don’t know my left from my right. I’d end up swiping in the wrong direction. As I keep telling you, I’m happy on my own, honestly.’

23

‘Lise!’ Pete sounded like he was on the front doorstep. ‘You need to come and see this.’

Lisa looked up from her spreadsheet. She could’ve done without the interruption. She was trying to get her training budget to balance and she’d thought she’d found the problem before Pete had broken her chain of thought. ‘Does it have to be now?’

‘Yeah, it does really.’

She went out into the hallway. The front door was open and Pete was standing outside in his pyjamas on the pavement, looking intently at a black car parked outside on the road. The hedge in front of the house stopped her from seeing any more.

She slipped on a pair of Crocs, grabbed her keys and headed outside, pulling the door shut after her to stop next door’s cat who was watching her from the top of bin from wandering in. As she got to the end of the path, she could see what Pete was staring at. A large black hearse with Ed leaning proudly against the bonnet.

‘What the hell is that?’

‘A 1969 vintage hearse.’

‘So it is. I thought you were an electrician. Have you branched out into undertaking?’

‘You have no imagination, Lisa Jones. This is the Sapphire Stars’ new mode of transport.’

Lisa looked at Pete. He shrugged. ‘It’s the right size. Neil Young used to have one.’

Ed looked pleased with himself. ‘Imagine how stylish we’ll look turning up at gigs in this.’

Lisa was imagining exactly what they’d look like, and stylish wasn’t the adjective that immediately sprang to mind. ‘We are not arriving anywhere in that. I thought we were going to hire a van like normal musicians?’

‘Oh come on. Paying van hire fees is like throwing money down the drain. This is much better than a boring old van. The coffin rollers will make it easy to get our gear in and out. And we can use the brass fittings to tie it down properly so it won’t move around while we’re on the road.’

He’d obviously put some thought into this. ‘How much did it cost?’ she asked.

‘It was a bargain. My mate Paul sold it to me. The alternative was an old ambulance, but he said that wasn’t as reliable as this beauty.’

‘It’s going to take us hours to get anywhere,’ Lisa said.

‘No, it won’t. Just because it’s spent most of its life travelling at ten miles an hour around the streets of Worthing doesn’t mean we have to drive it slowly. It’s got a souped-up engine. This thing’s top speed is 120 mile per hour.’

‘And how come your mate Paul just happens to have a spare hearse lying around? Is he expecting fewer deaths this year?’

‘He’s not an undertaker. He races hearses as a hobby.’

‘Hearse racing?’ Pete and Lisa said in unison.

‘It’s a thing. Google it. He bought this one to replace his current car, but he found a better one the following week, so he was about to advertise it on eBay. Very fortuitous as far aswe’re concerned.’ Ed opened the door. ‘Sit inside on the leather seats. You’ll see how comfortable it is.’

Lisa reluctantly sat in the passenger seat. She had to admit it felt comfortable, but that didn’t make up for the fact that it was a bloody hearse.

Ed shut the passenger door and walked round to the driver’s side. ‘Come on, Pete, jump in the back.’

‘You’re kidding. There’s no way I’m getting in one of those until I’ve kicked the bucket.’

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