Page 16 of Be More Lucy

‘No. I seem to be having a run of bad luck with men online and off.’ Adam had been an online match, she’d met Lars in the sandwich shop queue, and then there was Mark. She sighed. She missed Mark. ‘I’m starting to think I’m meant to be single.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous. You’re intelligent, you run your own business, you own a fancy apartment in the middle of Birmingham, and best of all, you’re not a minger. They should be queuing around the block for your attentions.’

‘Thank you for that glowing description. But I didn’t have to fight my way through a line of eligible bachelors to get in here today. Did you?

‘Only that homeless guy who’s usually by the shop over the road. He’s moved into our doorway.’

‘He always does that when it rains - we’re more sheltered. I’m sure he’s very deserving, but I’d prefer someone without an addiction.’

‘Well, if you’re going to be fussy,’ Kizzy laughed. ‘Cheer up. It will work out eventually. Not all men are lying bastards. Thea’s just moved in with her man.’

Thea was Kizzy’s sister. Kizzy often shared updates on her love life, whether Lucy wanted to hear them or not. ‘He’s gorgeous. Got a weird thing about alpacas, but you can’t have everything.’

‘Alpacas?’ Kizzy came out with some odd tales about her friends and relatives, but she’d never mentioned South American mammals before.

‘Thea thinks it’s because they remind him of his late nana.‘

‘Why? Did she run around fields and spit at people?’ Lucy’s only experience of alpacas was on a school trip to a farm. Having thirty noisy, fidgety infant school kids pointing at them had spooked the whole herd. It hadn’t ended well.

Kizzy looked at her as if it were obvious. ‘It’s that fluffy hairdo they all have. It looks like his nana’s perm. And then there’s the teeth.’

‘So what does he do?’

‘He’s an electrician,’

‘I meant, what does he do with alpacas?’

‘Oh. He’s got a big collection of fluffy toy ones, he’s saving up for a trip to Peru, and he sponsors one in an alpaca rescue. He takes Thea on a special trip to Kent every year just to visit it.’ Kizzy leaned in closer to whisper, even though no one else was in the office. ‘I swear it looked different in the picture he took this year. I reckon the rescue swapped it out for another one and didn’t tell him.’

‘How could you tell?’ Lucy whispered back.

‘Different hair do - straighter, darker.’ She pulled a face. ‘Very suspicious.’

Lucy couldn’t quite believe she was having this conversation. ‘Perhaps it fancied a new look?’

’It had to die sometime, so why put off telling him? But don’t worry. I doubt you’ll meet another alpaca fancier in Birmingham. He’s not mentioned meeting up with any anyway.’

Kizzy busied herself with making tea, while Lucy tried to get the image of a grown man with a collection of cuddly alpacas out of her mind.

‘Have you thought about signing up for an evening class?’ Kizzy continued.

‘On alpacas?’

‘No! To widen your social circle. How about pottery?’

‘Do you think I might get a bit of wheel action with a Patrick Swayze lookalike?’

Kizzy grinned. ‘Ghost was my mum’s favourite film. I always knew when she’d split with her current boyfriend because she’d spend every night for at least a week watching it on repeat, sipping from a bottle of Lambrusco. She wore the VHS tape out. We were the first house on our street to get a DVD player.’

She plonked a mug of tea on Lucy’s desk. ‘Or there’s life drawing?’

‘Definitely not! I can’t draw, and Em’s dad is a life model. I’d die if he walked in naked.’

‘How about learning a foreign language?’

‘The class would be full of retirees. Everyone else learns on apps these days.’

‘An older man might be more appreciative of you?’

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