Page 92 of Just My Ex

“I was tired! I haven’t slept properly in over three years.”

“And you think I have? I’ve been working three hundred plus days a year. I’m not getting any sleep, either.”

“I know.” She shouts over the drumming of the rain on the roof. “So why not get some help with the sleep, the PTSD, the migraines? It’s not hard. There are resources.”

“It was hard for me. Sorry.”

She presses a hand to her neck. “My throat hurts from yelling. And running in that rain.” She startles at another clap of thunder and then tips her head up. “And the roof’s leaking. Where’s Maverick?”

I huff out a laugh. “I don’t know.”

“I could have approached it differently. All of it. I’m sorry, okay? I was angry, but not at you, exactly. And panicked. It’s just that, I could feel your resentment of me.”

“I didn’t mind you asking me to get help. But you forgot there were so many things I couldn’t tell you, not if I didn’t want to face a huge fine or be thrown in prison for breach of an NDA. I felt like you were looking at me like,Let’s fix Henry this way. Let’s fix Henry that way.And I get it. I needed fixing! But dragging me into it wasn’t working.”

“I know.” She sinks onto a scraggly bale of straw. “And I’m sorry I took that approach. Your response to it was why I had to end the marriage.” Her voice hitches and her breathing ratchets up. “Henry, I poured my whole heart and soul, my whole self, into us. I loved you more than I could have ever imagined loving anyone.” Her voice wobbles. “You were my home. My world.” She gives a bitter laugh. “That’s the problem, though, right? What was I supposed to do when you didn’t feel the same way? When you didn’t let me in?”

“I did feel the same way.” I step closer to her. “I still do.”

Please,I beg in my mind.Please help her see it.

She shakes her head, her gaze steely. “I lost myself in search of you.” She’s gesturing with her hands, and they fall with a slap on her thighs. “You held me at arm’s length. You were suffering in silence, and I pled with you to let me help.” She points at me, her eyes rimmed in red. “I looked at your back, walking away from me so many times, I started to question my value as a person. I was completely alone.” She shoves her palm up against her nose and sniffs.

I grip my mouth, swallowing down the bitter nausea that comes as shame slams into me.

I drop my hand. “I am so sorry,” I whisper, my voice hoarse.

Her mouth falls open for a moment before she recovers, standing from the bale and turning away from me. The thunder rolls again, the rain pelting the sides of the barn, pinging off the sheet metal-lined eaves.

She’s still facing away from me, barefoot, her leggings splattered with mud. “And you were so unaffected by our distance. You’d be gone for three weeks. Somedays I wouldn’t even get a text from you. My friends started wondering if you were having an affair.” She chokes up and swallows.

I step in front of her, widening my stance, meeting her gaze. “I didn’t. Ever. I promise you.”

She nods rapidly. “I know. For some reason, I always knew there wasn’t another woman in between us. It was you. Yourpainwas what came between us, Henry. No, not the pain.” She growls in frustration. “Thehidingof your pain. That was it. It was your unwillingness to say, ‘Quinn, I’m not okay. Quinn, I need help.’” She backs up, resting against the boards of the barn wall. She lowers her head in her hands. Her shoulders start to shake silently.

“You’re right. I wasn’t willing to do that.” My voice is low, and I have to swallow down the sorrow that’s gripping me, threatening to immobilize me. “I was in a fog and couldn’t see how much I was harming you, Navie, and myself. Until I learned you were in danger six months ago, and then something … switched in my brain. I am not okay. I see this now. I am so sorry. And I’m tired of fighting my demons alone.” I can’t say more, my throat’s too thick. I breathe deeply and step closer to her.

Lowering her hands, she wipes her tears with the backs of her hands, still crying bitterly, gasping for air.

Finally, she can get a few words out in between the sobs. “Then why didn’t you follow me today? Or ask me to stay?”

“I—I wanted to. But I wanted to respect your wishes. You needed to go back and clean up Raymond’s mess and I wanted to come with you, but then Benson Kilpack happened and—"

She presses her fist against her forehead, crying bitterly. “Don’t you want to fight for us?”

“Yes. With everything in me, I do.”

“Do you want this?” she asks, swiping at tears dripping off her chin.

“Queenie,” I breathe. “Please come back to me. I ache thatyouache.”

She throws her arms around my neck, pressing her mouth against mine in blinding, unthinking passion. I draw in a breath because her skin and clothes are cold, but her lips are warm, sending fire through to my belly.

I cling to her, craving every part of her. Kissing’s not enough, touching’s not enough.

I don’t ever want to stop.

Chapter 37

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