Page 13 of Everything I Desire

Adelaide

What did I get myself into? I thought I had agreed to take Kayla for a little girl’s night to get some necessities, but here I am, riding shotgun in Porter’s truck. Fighting the urge to reach over and hold his hand like I always did.

He seems to be fighting the same urge to place his hand on my thigh. I always loved the feel of his big, rough hands on the soft skin of my thighs while riding with him. But, this is absolutely not how I saw today going, nor was I prepared for the turnout.

Porter parks his truck and Kayla hops out, excitedly waiting for us.

“Thank you for coming, baby. I really appreciate it, I know this wasn’t your first choice for how to spend your night.” He says, looking at me with his hand on the handle of his door.

“Porter, it’s not that I didn’t want to. It’s just that we haven’t –” Kayla rips open my door.

“Let’s gooooo you slow pokes! I’mso excited.” She whines.

I can’t even be mad at her for interrupting.

For the first time in her life, she has someone who is taking care of her needs and spoiling her. Not that new clothes that fit, and basic necessities are being spoiled, but unfortunately for her it is. For her, I can even deal with the torture of being around Porter without touching him.

Kayla runs ahead of us as we start walking in, and Porter comes into step beside me. “I get it, Addy. I do. I hurt you. I didn’t deserve you the first time, I sure as hell don’t deserve a second chance. Message received.”

“Porter, that’s not, I mean ... I don’t know what I mean. I wasn’t ready for this.” I reach out to gently touch my fingertips to his arm.

“I know. I get it. I wasn’t either. But it’s really fine. Kayla needs to be a priority. And nothing has changed between us. You’re still good, and I’m not. Your father will never accept me, even today. Look at the situation I’m in. He was right to protect you from me.” He jogs ahead to catch up with Kayla, leaving me behind. Unable to tell him that my father has no opinions anymore, he died years ago. I guess he hasn’t kept up on town gossip.

My father’s opinion of Porter was the only time we ever argued and disagreed. When Willow found me at the lake after Porter didn’t show up that morning, Dad took that and ran with it. Continually telling me how he was right and that Jackson boy was no good. Until the day I finally snapped, screaming at him that he was only gone because ofmy father’s coldness toward him. After that day my mother declared that it was over, and it will not be spoken about again.

I catch up to Kayla and Porter and my heart breaks looking at him. He still looks like that broken, unloved boy from high school who thinks he isn’t worthy of any sort of kindness.

Maybe we can at least be friends. Could I do that? My heart can’t handle getting too close if he leaves again, friends or not.

I spent years hoping he would come back. When he didn’t I tried to move on. I didn’t have the time I needed to steel my heart for seeing him again, let alone being thrown into this relationship with him.

I need to know if he’s staying first, then maybe I can figure out where I want this new relationship with Porter to go.

“So Addy, how is it living next door to Porter?” Lacey asks me.

My sisters and Lauren are over for a girl’s night. Of course the first thing Lauren did was spill the beans about my new neighbor.

“Ugh. You guys, it’s fine. I helped them find some furniture, and get Kayla what she needs. Just like I would do for anyone who suddenly has a child and a new home.” I try to busy myself getting the plates for pizza.

“Oh come on, you can’t really think we’d believe that Porter freaking Jackson is back in town, and you’re keeping things completely professional.” Scarlett scoffs.

“I’m trying to. He needs to focus on Kayla. I need to keep our relationship professional for work. And besides, he still thinks that I’m too good for him. Just like he did when he left. What’s stopping him from leaving when Maura finally comes home?” I ask.

“Rumor has it that he signed a six month lease and paid the whole six month’s worth of rent up front,” Lauren winks. “I also heard from Mrs. Smith, that Ronnie wants to retire. Porter has been doing some freelance work with him, and Ronnie was telling Mrs. Smith he wantsthat boyto take over the shop since he’s finally back. She said that she hasn’t seen Ronnie this excited since Porter came to his shop to begin with.”

Well, this is news to me. Porter always thought of Ronnie as a father to him. He was so excited to take over for him one day. They’d talked about it almost daily when I’d go visit him while he worked. Ronnie would always joke when something went wrong, sayingOne day boy, this will all be yours.The smile that would spread across Porter’s face was beautiful. I think that was Ronnie’s way of showing he cared about him.

I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter, guys. What we had is in the past, even if my feelings aren’t.”

“Judging by the fact he can’t help but look over here every two minutes between working on his bike, I’d say his feelings are in the present too.” Lacey is curled up on my couch looking out my side window that faces Porter’s house.

Scarlett and Lauren clamor over to join her, looking like small children with their faces up against the window. I come over to stand behind them, and sure enough there he is in his driveway looking over at my house.

“Damn, time has done that man’s body some favors,” Lacey says.

“Do you think he has a six pack or an eight pack?” Scarlett asks.

It might be winter, but the thermal henley he’s wearing looks like it could be painted on his body it’s so tight.

---