Page 28 of Touchdown

“Will he say yes?” I ask desperately. “What if this is all a bad idea? What if he turns me down?”

“He’s going to say yes,” Oliver soothes. “Now, get into position, it’s nearly time.”

My plan is to do it after practice, on the field with our team around us. I don’t count on the terrified look on Cody’s face when I get down on one knee in front of him.

“Luke, what…?”

“Cody, there are so many things I could say, but in the end, there are only a few that matter. I love you, and I want to spend forever with you. Please, will you marry me?”

Cody looked like he wanted to run away.

I had let my emotions run away with me and put my heart out to him there on the field.

Was I making the biggest mistake?

10

Cody

My heart is beating so loudly in my chest that I can barely hear anything… anything except my own weirdly loud breathing, that is.

I feel like history is repeating itself. I stare at Luke, on one knee before me, looking so sincere and loving. I know that I should see Luke and Luke alone, but all I can see is Zack. Zack’s words might have been different when he proposed, but the look on his face was the same—the look filled with promise and hope.

I had been taken in by that promise and hope, only to be crushed by it. Luke is looking expectantly at me, and I open my mouth to say yes, that I want to marry him—because I do, I really do—but it won’t come out. Fear clogs my throat, making it impossible to say that one little word I so desperately need to say.

I want to marry Luke… but I can’t open myself up to that kind of hurt again. I just can’t do it.

“I’m so sorry.” My voice is little more than a whisper, but Luke is so close that I’m sure he can hear me. “I can’t.”

Luke’s face crumples in hurt and disappointment, and that look pierces my heart.

I stumble away from him and flee like the coward I am, not looking back.

I wonder if I should even go home. Luke probably won’t want to see me at the apartment that we now share, but I don’t know where else to go.

I stumble in and collapse on the couch, my head falling into my hands. What have I just done?

I remember the crushed look on Luke’s face. I’ve broken his heart. He wants me in a way I’ll never give myself to him, to anyone, ever again… and now I’ve hurt him irreversibly.

Guilt and shame well up within me. I don’t deserve Luke. I can’t give him what he wants. There is only thing to do.

I’m halfway through packing when the door opens. I freeze. I was so distraught that I hadn’t even given thought to what I would do if Luke arrived before was gone.

“Cody? What are you doing?”

“I’m leaving, Luke. I’m so sorry that I’ve wasted all your time. I’ll go now.”

“What?! What are you talking about? Cody, I love you. We can talk about this. I’m sorry that I proposed before you were ready, but remember what you said? Whatever happens, we can talk it through and move past it.”

“It wasn’t that I wasn’t ready, Luke. It’s that I’m never going to be ready. You want something that I’ll never be able to give you.”

“That’s not true. I wantyou.”

“You want marriage; you wouldn’t have proposed if you didn’t.”

“I want marriage with YOU, Cody! If you’re not here, it doesn’t matter.”

“You’ll find someone else to love, someone who can be everything you need.”

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